The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #3.7 (2009)

Peter Capaldi: Malcolm Tucker

Quotes 

• Malcolm Tucker : I was golfing with Stephen hawking. He's fucking shit. He lied about his handicap. mind you, I never hired a golf buggy. I just sat in his lap.

• Steve Fleming : We both know we don't like each other - everyone knows that. We are the Gallagher brothers of politics

  Malcolm Tucker : How does that work? Does that mean I'm the semi-talented songwriter and you're fucking loutish prick? That's a lovely analogy.

• Steve Fleming : I'm just saying I'll gladly lend you a hand if you need to keep your head down.

  Malcolm Tucker : I don't ned to keep my head down because unlike yourself I don't give blowjobs to truckers.

• Malcolm Tucker : [shouting, storming out of Number 10 after being fired by Steve Fleming]  You will see me again! You will fucking see me again!

• Malcolm Tucker : You cannot fuck me! You cannot fuck me! I am unfuckable! I have never been fucked! And if you fucking try and fuck me, you'll find my fucking arse will fucking grow fucking fangs!

  Steve Fleming : All right. Now, come and listen to me.

  Malcolm Tucker : I'll fucking snap your fucking cock off!

  Steve Fleming : Will you listen to me?

  [shouting] 

  Steve Fleming : Malcolm Tucker, will you listen to me?

  Malcolm Tucker : Go right ahead! Yeah! Let's hear it! Let's hear it!

  Steve Fleming : Listen to me for one second.

  Malcolm Tucker : Go right ahead!

  Steve Fleming : I wouldn't tell you what I've just told you before I'd told the press pack, would I? That would be very, very unprofessional. So, there's no point in getting angry because the show's over. It's curtains. No curtain call.

  [halfway through the next sentence, getting progressively more angry with every word] 

  Steve Fleming : Everyone loved the show, but it just wasn't buttering any parsnips any more, brother!