- Michael Scott: I've made some empty promises in my life, but, hands down, that was the most generous.
- Dwight Schrute: In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
- Andy Bernard: Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news.
- Jim Halpert: Wait, are you the patient or the doctor?
- Andy Bernard: The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.
- Jim Halpert: Wow, what do you put our chances at?
- Andy Bernard: 0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat!
- Jim Halpert: Hmm, sounds risky.
- Andy Bernard: Don't worry. There is a surefire cure: Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one.
- [last lines]
- Ryan Howard: How's it going? Good day?
- Dwight Schrute: Not now, Temp.
- Ryan Howard: Um, okay, so, um, listen. I know about your diabolical plan.
- Dwight Schrute: What? Diabolical plan? I wouldn't even know how to begin a diabol...
- [Ryan holds up a printed copy of "My Diabolical Plan by Dwight K. Schrute"]
- Ryan Howard: I found a copy of it in the copier tray.
- Dwight Schrute: So what do you want?
- Ryan Howard: I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.
- Erin Hannon: Hey Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?
- Pam Beesly: [glances at it] Looks great.
- Erin Hannon: Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
- Pam Beesly: Okay.
- [picks up and reads sheet]
- Pam Beesly: The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?
- Michael Scott: There you are. I don't think we have finished with my Inbox.
- Phyllis Vance: What's "Scott's Tots"?
- Stanley Hudson: [begins laughing uproariously] Has it really been ten years?
- [cut to talking head with Stanley]
- Stanley Hudson: [shows newspaper article and reads] "Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders"!
- Michael Scott: You are also on record as saying "wittle-ittle", "footy-wooties", "num-nums", "jammies", "make boom-boom", "widicuwous", and "Wode Iwand".
- Michael Scott: There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.
- Andy Bernard: Why would people say that?
- Michael Scott: Well, I have it on good authority that you said the following.
- [hands Andy a card]
- Michael Scott: Can you read that back to me?
- Andy Bernard: "Andy have a boo-boo tummy."
- Michael Scott: Mm-hmm.
- Andy Bernard: Would you rather me say "Hey, guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up"?