Left 4 Dead 2 (2009 Video Game)
Nick: [when on low health in "The Parish"] I have *not*... come this far... to die now.
Coach: [killing a zombie] This used to be a *nice* neighborhood!
Coach: ["The Parish"; reading graffiti that says, "Where's CEDA?"] Good question: where'n the hell *is* CEDA? 'Cause I'd sure like to *shoot* some-a their asses!
Ellis: ["Dark Carnival"; arriving at Kiddie Land] Holy *shit,* guys - KIDDIE LAND!
Coach: Sometimes, it feels like we *baby-sittin',* doe'n't it?
Rochelle: He *is* making the best of a bad situation.
Nick: [alt. line] He's like a five-year-old. With guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swearword in the English language.
Rochelle: [alt. line] I wish I could be that happy... ah, to hell with it. *WHOO! Kiddie Land!*
Ellis: [recovering from the Smoker attack, Ellis looks out the elevator window. His expression of disgust changes into shock as he sees hundreds of common infected in the mall's atrium] Holy *shit*...
[Coach offers his hand to Ellis, who takes it]
Rochelle: [giving Ellis a grenade launcher right after Coach helps him up] Hey. "Kill all sons-a-bitches", right?
[Ellis nods, grinning at his new toy]
Coach: [reading CEDA notice] "Report unusual behavior"...
[Nick opens the cash register with his magnum, smirks]
Coach: "Barricade your homes"...
[Ellis opens up a weapon rack, a devilish grin spreading across his face]
Coach: "Avoid all contact with infected individuals"...
[Ellis passes a pistol to Rochelle, who is checking a map for any possible evac points]
Coach: "Wait for official instructions."
[laughs and throws paper away]
Coach: [getting up, walking to the camera's right with chocolate bar in hand] Wait, my ass.
Ellis: [camera reveals him to be fully-loaded: a first-aid kit, Grenade Launcher and Hunting Rifle strapped to his back; and holding a SPAS-12 combat shotgun] Kill all sons-a-bitches.
[cocks shotgun, grinning]
Ellis: That's *my* 'fficial instructions.
Ellis: ["Dead Center"; Streets, in the Hotel's saferoom] My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy tear-gassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire *year* every single time when he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!
Nick: ["Hard Rain": beginning] Wanna hear a prediction?
Nick: There's not gonna *be* any gas. Watch.
[the group moves through the Burger Tank and reaches the gas station]
Coach: [reading the sign] Outta gas. *Shit.*
Nick: No gas. See, what'd I say?
Ellis: Looks like we're gonna have to walk to this Ducatel place.
Nick: What makes you think *they* still have gas?
Coach: 'Cause if they don't? We gonna be stuck here *forever,* Nick.
Coach: [after fending off a surge of Infected] Re - *goddamn* - loading!
Ellis: [inside a Rescue Closet] Oh, come on, man! I'm gettin' *bored*! Get me outta here!
Coach: [cheering his teammates] All right, everybody, you are givin' a hundred-an'-ten percent!
Rochelle: [picking up an ax] "Ax" me a question. I dare you.
Ellis: [picking up a nightstick, singing] Gonna beat me a zombie to death with a nightstick!
Coach: [inside a Rescue Closet] Never had no code to ask for help before, but I do now! *HELP!*
Coach: Oh, yeah! Our goal is right next to the bridge! On the OTHER MOTHER-EFFIN' SIDE OF THE WATER!
Ellis: [upon seeing a Tank] Tank! Run! No, no, no, don't run - SHOOOOT!
[ridden by a Jockey]
Coach: Jockey on me!
Coach: Jockey on my back!
Coach: Gah, that thing's on me!
Coach: Ellis - Ellis, is that you? What the hell?
Ellis: Get this off my *back!*
Ellis: I got a Jockey on me!
Ellis: Sum*bitch* is on my back!
Ellis: This ain't right havin' this THING on me!
Ellis: *Git* this *thing* - *off* - *me!*
Ellis: This thing is *ridin'* me!
Ellis: *Is this thing humpin' me?*
Nick: Shoot this thing on my back!
Rochelle: I can't see! This thing is on me!
Rochelle: It's on my face!
Rochelle: [struggling] Let go! *Let* *go!*
Rochelle: LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO!
[seeing a Jockey riding a fellow Survivor]
Coach: That ain't right for a man to be *ridden* like that.
Coach: *Damn*... that ain't right.
Ellis: Oh, looks like a monkey on a mule!
Ellis: Hey, where's that thing *goin'* with 'em?
Ellis: That's just humiliating!
Ellis: That don't look dignified!
Nick: Ten bucks says he takes 'em to the right.
["Dead Center"; seeing a Boomer]
Coach: Fat Thing!
Ellis: It's *Exploding* Guy!
Nick: Goiter man!
Nick: Aunt Bee!
Rochelle: Ohhhh, shit, it's a Fat Guy!
Rochelle: [2 versions] Barf Bag!
Coach: ["Dead Center"; initial encounter with Infected in the Hotel] Y'all know what the hell these things are?
Nick: These don't look like people...
Ellis: Zombies are real! I *knew* them movies were true!
Rochelle: You hear about them, but... until you see them...
Nick: I dunno about you, but I'm killing these things.
Coach: It's them or us.
Nick: ["Dead Center"; initial encounter with a Tank] WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
Coach: Holy SHIT! *What is that?*
Ellis: GIANT THING!
Rochelle: Why can't that thing be on our side...?
Ellis: ["Dark Carnival"; as the group passes through the Fairgrounds] Would you *look* at all these rides? And no LINES! Wish we weren't in such a hurry!
Ellis: ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Nick, what the hell? You shot the pilot!
Nick: Well, he wasn't doing a good job once he became a zombie, now, was he?
Ellis: [alt. line] True, true, he *was* a zombie, but he was also our *only pilot!*
Nick: I shot a *zombie.* He was a *zombie,* Ellis. He must've gotten bitten before he picked us up.
Soldier: ["The Parish": when the Survivors contact the army via radio at the Bridge] Bridge, are you immune?
Soldier: Negative, Bridge. Are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the Infected?
Coach: [indignant] Encountered? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke, and eyeballs, and twenty other parts I don't even recognize! We are immune as SHIT!
Nick: [alt. line] Yeah, you could say that.
[Ellis follows the others into the elevator as Infected close in. A Smoker appears and lassoes Ellis with its tongue just he passes through the closing doors]
Ellis: Agh! What the he - ?
[Then a couple of Common Infected grab Ellis, keeping the doors from shutting]
Nick: [grabbing Ellis and pulling him away] No!
Coach: [approaching with a chainsaw] God*damn*it! EAT THAT SHIT!
[Coach shreds through the Common Infected and the Smoker's tongue, pulling back just as the doors close]
[when gooed by Spitter]
Coach: Wha - *SPIT!*
Coach: Damn Spitter got me!
Coach: God*dam*mit - GOO!
Ellis: I got Spitter shit on me!
Ellis: Ah, hell, man, Spitter goo!
Ellis: Goddamn GOO!
Nick: [multiple versions] I got hit by the burning goo shit!
Nick: God - *dam*mit, I'm - covered in goo!
[gooed in "Dead Center"]
Coach: That female zombie jus' *spat* somethin' on me!
Coach: You have *got* to be *kiddin'* me...
Ellis: What the *hell?* 's he spittin' *fire?*
Ellis: Oh, great, now they're spittin' shit at us!
Ellis: Yo, somebody's gotta kill that zombie spittin' shit!
Nick: Ugh, what in the hell did that *thing* just *do?*
Nick: Ugh, *what* is this *shit* on me?
Nick: Ugh, *what* am I *covered* in?
Rochelle: Oh, geezus - this zombie spits burning shit!
["Dead Center"; seeing a Spitter]
Coach: Crazy woman!
Ellis: Spittin' NASTY Thing!
Ellis: That *loogie* dude!
Ellis: It's that goo guy!
Ellis: *'ey,* that big *neck*... thing!
Rochelle: Green guy!
Ellis: [as Coach and Nick catch up with Ellis and Rochelle on the deserted hotel roof] Hey, where is everybody? Hellooooo?
Rochelle: Oh, this is not happening...
Ellis: Anyone here?
Rochelle: [Three helicopters are seen flying away from the city] This isn't happening... this isn't happening...
Coach: [angered] Thought they were supposed to be savin' our asses!
Nick: Looks like there's been a change of plans...
Nick: [when the group finds a working elevator] Technically, you're not supposed to use an elevator in a fire. But that might not apply during a *zombie apocalypse.*
[the group enters the elevator, where one member hits the button for the lobby]
Nick: [as the doors shut] Nick. Name's Nick. You all did good. What're your names?
Coach: People just call me Coach.
Rochelle: [to Ellis] Hey. Name's Rochelle. You?
Ellis: Ellis. It's a pleasure to meet you, Rochelle.
Coach: ["Dark Carnival"; Stadium saferoom] Okay, here's the plan. First, we look around for supplies. then we start the Midnight Riders' finale. It's all kinds of fireworks, smoke pots 'n' lights 'n' shit. That chopper pilot can't *miss* it!
Ellis: [barely able to contain his excitement] So we gotta set up to rock, and then fight zombies? This is the best day of my life!
Nick: Coach, that is about the stupidest idea I've ever agreed with. I've never seen the Midnight Riders, but okay - let's try it.
Coach: Then let's do it! Everybody grab a weapon and let's go!
Coach: ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Man, that was some shit, the pilot turning into a zombie right before our eyes... Nice shootin', Nick.
Nick: No problem, big guy. Sorry about the landing.
Coach: Ah, I've had worse landings... Actually, that's a lie to spare your feelings. That crash was pretty bad.
Coach: ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Shit, that pilot just *changed.* One minute, he was flyin' us to safety; the next, he was... well... I am pretty damn sure he was tryin'-a *eat* us.
Nick: ["The Parish"; the group climbs out of a sewer... into the middle of an impound lot] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch where you shoot!
Ellis: *Shit.* They all got alarms.
Rochelle: Careful, alarm cars everywhere...
Coach: Everybody take it slow, now...
[the group starts moving through the lot]
Nick: Careful... *careful... *
[friendly fire, Tank]
Coach: DO I *LOOK* LIKE A *TEN-FOOT-TALL MONSTUH?*
Ellis: SHOOT THE *TANK*, YA *BLIND SON OF A BITCH!*
Nick: It's twelve feet tall, six feet wide! How are you shooting *ME?*
Nick: It's the size of a *truck!* *How are you missing?*
["Dead Center"; seeing a Charger]
Ellis: Hey - BIG ARM!
Ellis: Hey, watch out, man, that thing charges!
Rochelle: [3 versions] ONE OF THOSE CHARGING THINGS!
Nick: ["Swamp Fever"; in the drainage ditch safe room] Shit! This swamp is gonna ruin my white suit.
Rochelle: [scoffing] The white suit with zombie brains all over it? That one?
Nick: Brains come out. Swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know that.
Coach: [start of "Hard Rain"] We should be in an' outta here. Get the gas, get back to shore, signal Virgil with the flare gun in the gun bag. Then we should just, uh... um... aw, *hell.* Tell me *someone* brought the *gun bag!*
Nick: ["The Passing"; the group arrives at a wedding reception, complete with a Witch bride; whispering] Careful. I've seen a bride *just* like that before.
Coach: Man, I hope we don't see a Tank in a tuxedo...
["Dead Center"; seeing a Smoker]
Coach: Smokin' one!
Ellis: Hey, it's that nasty tongue thing!
Ellis: Yo, it's that smokin' dude with the *tongue!*
Nick: The smokin' thing!
Rochelle: Tongue Guy!
["Dead Center"; grabbed by a Smoker]
Coach: I'm all wrapped up!
Coach: Hey! Where'm I gettin' dragged off to?
Ellis: Auh, I've been *lassoed!*
Ellis: I can't move - *help* - !
Ellis: I'm gettin' dragged away!
Ellis: Auh, where's this thing draggin' me?
Nick: What's this *shit?*
Nick: What th - ah, *gross shit!*
Nick: Freaking TONGUE?
Rochelle: Oh, shit! What the hell is goin' on?
[pummeled by a Charger]
Coach: Shoot this damn Charger!
Coach: Goddamn - *one-a y'all gonna shoot this thing?*
Coach: Don't stan' there! Kill this thing!
Coach: Charger's - *poundin'* me into the ground!
Ellis: Charger's rippin' me UP!
Ellis: *Kill* this *thing!*
Ellis: *Shoot* the damn thing!
Ellis: Just *shoot it!* SHOOT IT!
Nick: Could somebody shoot this *goddamn thing?*
Nick: Shoot the big guy poundin' me into the ground!
Rochelle: [grunts in pain] Don't *bash;* shoot!
Rochelle: Shoot it, shoot it, shoot this thing!
Rochelle: I ain't playin' with this thing, *help!*
Ellis: [Swamp Fever; on the ferry boat in Plank Country] If y'all ask me, these swamp people got it all figured out. No cops, no rules...
Rochelle: No indoor plumbing?
Ellis: They figured out how to stop goin' to the bathroom? *Man,* that is a*maz*in'...
[understanding and disgust make his expression of impression go away]
Ellis: ... oh. No, wait... oh, I just got that. *Shit,* that's gross as hell.
Coach: ["Dark Carnival"; seeing the Whispering Oaks ad on a highway billboard] Hey, Whisperin' Oaks! Shit, I used to go there when I was a kid!
Nick: Oh, good. Now we can die there as adults!
Coach: ["The Passing"; reading a sign for the Historic Rayford Under-The-River Tunnel Tour] "Historic Under-the-River Tour". Hey, this could be pretty interestin'!
Nick: Trust me - that *won't* be the case.
Ellis: I'm not a *zombie.* Shoot the *ZOMBIES.*
Ellis: C'mon, man, it's not funny anymore!
Ellis: Would you *mind* not shootin' me, please?
Ellis: What was *that* for?
Ellis: Y'all take leave of your senses?
Ellis: *Damn,* man, quit shootin' me!
Ellis: You're shootin' me!... Well, that just dills my pickle!
Ellis: Why'n the hell you guys keep shootin' me?
Ellis: Hey, that's not cool. *Seriously.*
Ellis: You do that again an' I'll knock you into next week.
Nick: You do that again, and I will *bury you alive.*
Nick: I don't wanna hear any excuses - just *stop* shooting me.
Nick: [sarcastically] Well, *thank you* for ventilating my suit.
Nick: DAMN!... you suck at shooting.
Nick: [angrily] *You.* *Are.* *Shooting.* *ME!*
Nick: Let's try shooting *zombies* instead of people, okay?
Nick: Why would you think shooting me is a good idea?
Nick: [sarcastically] Shoot me again. Shoot me again, I dare ya!
Nick: *Come on!*
Nick: OH *COME ON!*
Rochelle: Okay, that better have been an accident!
Rochelle: OW! Hey!
Rochelle: Hey hey hey hey hey hey - *hey.* Seriously?
Rochelle: Don't *make* me get ugly with you!
Rochelle: Okay, you have some serious issues with that gun.
Rochelle: Oh no you didn't just *shoot me!*
Coach: Oh - excuse me? *EXCUSE ME?*
Coach: I swear to god you can't shoot worth shit!
Coach: There's gonna be some biblical shit happenin' to you if you do that again!
Coach: Young'un, stop that shit.
Coach: [angrily] Man - I swear to *GOD* you can't... *SHOOT* worth *SHIT!*
Coach: Shootin' *me?* That's some *crazy* shit.
Coach: You do know you shootin' me, right?
Coach: Look - try shootin' some damn zombies instead-a *me!*
Coach: Are you outta yo *mind,* shootin' at me?
Coach: Will you cut that shit out?
Coach: YO! Stop shootin' me, alright?
Coach: GODDAMMIT STOP SHOOTIN' ME!
Coach: Oh, hell NO. Do NOT shoot me!
Coach: Do that again an' I'll come back on ya!
Coach: Man, you *shot* me?
Coach: ["Dead Center"; the group's elevator has reached ground level, which is mostly engulfed in flames] Hit the button before this turns into a bad idea.
Coach: ["Dark Carnival"; trying really hard not to laugh] It's not funny. You could really hurt your...
Coach: Naw, it *is* funny!
[interrupting one of Ellis's stories]
Coach: We ain't got time for this, Ellis.
Nick: Ellis. Is now the best time?
Rochelle: Ellis, sweetie, can this wait?
Ellis: [unfazed] Okay.
Ellis: ["The Passing"; seeing the Witch bride, whispers:] Oh, man... You think she's cryin' 'cause she got left at the altar?
["The Passing"; the Witch bride attacks an incapacitated Survivor]
Ellis: [2 versions] Oh man, I changed my mind! I do NOT wanna get married!
Nick: [2 versions] The bride is killing me!
Coach: ["Hard Rain"; in the Witch-infested sugarmill] What the hell do *they* got to cry about? *We're* the ones gettin' attacked...!
Coach: ["The Passing" - Streets saferoom] I heard all about this under-the-river tour. Supposed to be pretty damn good! Real educational.
Nick: So let me get this straight: it's a *tunnel*... under the river, right?
Coach: You damn right. Under a river.
Nick: And this is supposed to teach me about *what,* exactly?
Coach: Uhh... historical shit? Man, how'm I supposed to know? I ain't been there yet!
[when chased by a Witch]
Coach: The bitch is chasin' me!
Coach: Run! Run! Witch comin' through!
Coach: Shoot the Witch, *shoot the Witch!*
Coach: Oh, shit. WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Ellis: Comin' through! Witch on my ass!
Ellis: Run, I pissed 'er off!
Ellis: WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Nick: [2 versions] Ahhhhh I *pissed the Witch off!*
Nick: This bitch is chasin' me!
Nick: Witch coming! Witch coming!
Nick: Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! *What are you doing? Shoot her!*
Rochelle: My bad, my bad, my bad!
Rochelle: Kill the damn thing!
["The Passing"; when chased by the Witch bride]
Coach: Ugly bride is chasin' me, man! Ugly bride is chasin' me!
Coach: Kill the bride! Kill the bride!
Ellis: Runaway bride, RUNAWAY BRIDE!
Ellis: Help here! Here comes the bride!
Rochelle: Ohhh, I've pissed off another bride!
Coach: ["The Passing"; entering the Under-The-River Tour] *Man,* look at all this, ah... uh... aw, this tour is bullshit.
Nick: [in an "I told you so" manner] Toldja.
Ellis: *Nick.* We all see the tour's got some problems; no sense in pickin' on Coach.
Coach: ["The Passing": entering the Under-The-River Tour] Man, this is a real...
Coach: Yeah, it's a shithole.
Nick: ["The Passing"; entering the Under-The-River Tour; with sarcasm] Yeah, tunnels. You're right, Coach. You're *so* right: history is coming alive.
Coach: Aw, shuddup, Nick.
Nick: ["The Passing"; Streets saferoom, talking about Francis] So we find this historic section, go under the river, and then we kick that biker dude's ass, right?
Coach: Nick. Son. I think we got *bigger* problems.
Rochelle: Compared to *you,* Nick? He was downright nice.
Nick: ["The Passing"; seeing the Witch bride, whispers:] Ellis... Go give the bride a kiss, it'll be good luck. Trust me.
Ellis: [shocked; trying to keep his voice down] *What...?*
Rochelle: [hissing] Would you guys *shut up!*
Ellis: ["Dark Carnival"; at the Screaming Oak roller coaster] We gotta *run* the *coaster?* Aw, man, this is gonna be cool!
Coach: Naw, this ain't gonna be cool. You ain't right in the *head,* boy.
Coach: ["Dark Carnival"; at the carousel] A'ight, this is gonna open the gate, and *what* the hell else?
Nick: You know what? Somehow, I think it's gonna activate everything else around here.
[They open the gate, activating the carousel]
Coach: Ahh *damn,* the merry-go-round started!
Coach: [alt. line] *Shit,* that thing's makin' a racket!
[They start running their way to the switch, amid hordes of Infected]
Ellis: Turn that damn thing off!
Nick: ["Dark Carnival"; saferoom in the Tunnel of Love] You got your wish, Ellis: we're in an amusement park ride.
Ellis: This... ain't that kind of ride, Nick.
[laughs a little nervously, then whispers]
Ellis: *This is where you make out with your girlfriend.*
["Swamp Fever": the group finds a pile of rotting animal corpses]
Rochelle: [exhales] We heard reports that the virus spread through mammals, but I have no idea if that was true.
Ellis: So they jus' *killed* 'em?
Rochelle: Well, better safe than sorry, I guess.
Coach: ["Dark Carnival"; after reentering the Tunnel of Love from the maintenance area] I don't remember the Tunnel of Love bein' *this* long... I musta had somethin' else on my mind.
Coach: [soon after; sounding uneasy] Hm. Shit. First time I ever couldn't *wait* to get out of the Tunnel of Love.
["Swamp Fever"; the group finds a dead parachutist]
Coach: Shit. Why would you ever jump out of a plane?
Ellis: What's a parachutist doin' out here?
Ellis: Why would he parachute out here?
[later, they come across a crashed passenger plane]
Coach: All right. *Now* I understand why you would jump out of a plane.
Coach: Looks like we weren't the only people crashin' today.
Coach: Nick, you didn't shoot this pilot too, didya?
Ellis: Holy *shit*... Well, this explains our parachutist.
Ellis: Had to be *scary* to be on this flight.
Nick: I guess walking isn't so bad.
[friendly fire, character/gender-specific]
Coach: Li'l sister, you got to learn to shoot.
Coach: Girl, you got to learn to shoot.
Coach: Boy, quit pointin' that thing my way.
Coach: Nicolas. I thought you knew how to use a gun.
Coach: Hey, Nick: that was my *ass* you shot.
Coach: *Quit shootin' me, Nick!*
Coach: Ellis! Settle down, boy. You shot me.
Coach: Ellis! I'll take that gun away from ya!
Coach: Ellis, *you are shootin' me!*
Coach: Ellis, *dam*mit - ya shot me!
Coach: Ro! What's gotten into ya, girl?
Coach: Ro! You know *damn* well better than that!
Ellis: ["Swamp Fever": while talking to Virgil via radio] Okay, this guys askin' a lotta questions. Does somebody else wanna take this?
Coach: No, you got it, Ellis.
Coach: [everyone is running up a flight of stairs] Who the hell... puts an evac station... up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?
Nick: [passing the exhausted coach] Well, look, Coach. Maybe the helicopter... Maybe it's made of chocolate.
[laughs, while Coach scowls after at him]
Coach: [upon reaching the empty gas tanker] Outta gas...
Nick: No gas. See? What'd I say?
Ellis: Looks like we'll have to head to this "Ducatel" place.
Nick: What makes you think *they* still have gas?
Coach: 'Cause if they don't, we gonna stuck here forever, Nick.
Coach: [if the other Survivors shoot one too many impounded cars... ] WOULD YOU STOP SHOOTING THE GODDAMN CARS?