Aron Ralston: Hey there, Aron! Is it true that you didn't tell anyone where you were going?
Aron Ralston: You know, I've been thinking. Everything is... just comes together. It's me. I chose this. I chose all of this. This rock... this rock has been waiting for me my entire life. In its entire life, ever since it was a bit of meteorite a million, billion years ago up there In space. It's been waiting, to come here. Right, right here. I've been moving towards it my entire life. The minute I was born, every breath I've taken, every action has been leading me to this crack on the earth's surface.
Aron Ralston: Good morning, everyone! It's 6:45 Tuesday morning in BJ Canyon! The weather is great. I figure by now that Leona, my housemate - Hi, Leona! - has missed me hopefully since I didn't show up last night. Another hour and a half they'll miss me for not showing up at work... Hi, Brion at work! Best case scenario is they notify the police and after a 24 hour hold they file a report, a missing person's report. Which means noon tomorrow it's official that I'm gone. I do still have the tiniest bit of water left. Well, actually, I've resorted... I've had a couple pretty good gulps of urine that I saved in my Camelbak. I sort of let it distill... It tastes like hell. So, it's 70 hours since I left on my bike from Horseshoe Trailhead during which time I have consumed 3 liters of water, a couple of mouthfuls of piss...
[pauses a couple of seconds]
Aron Ralston: Did I say the weather is great? Well, it is. Though flash floods potential is still present. There's four-prong major canyons upstream from me that all converge in this 3 foot wide gap where I am. The rock I pulled down on top of me, it was put there by flood. Still, I'd get a drink.
[pauses again, while he drinks and shudders]
Aron Ralston: Mom, Dad, I really love you guys. I wanted to take this time to say the times we've spent together have been awesome. I haven't appreciated you in my own the way I know I could. Mom, I love you. I wish I'd returned all of your calls, ever. I really have lived this last year. I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did. I love you. I'll always be with you.
Aron Ralston: I'm in pretty deep doodoo here.
Aron Ralston: Don't lose it. Aron, do not lose it.
Aron Ralston: [as Brian Stephenson] Good morning, everyone! It is 7 o'clock here in Canyonlands, USA! And this morning on the boulder, we have a very special special guest, self-proclaimed American superhero, Aron Ralston! Let's hear it for Aron!
[nods to his imaginary audience]
Aron Ralston: [as himself] Hey. Hi. Oh, gosh, it's... It's a real pleasure to be here. Thank you. Thank you! Heh. Eh-heh. Em... Hey, can I say hi to my mom and dad?
Aron Ralston: Mom and Dad! Mustn't forget Mom and Dad. Right, Aron?
Aron Ralston: Yeah, that's right. Eh... Hey, Mom. I'm really sorry I didn't answer the phone the other night. If I had, I would have told you where I was going, and then... Well, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
Aron Ralston: That's for sure! But like I always say... your supreme selfishness is our gain. Thank you, Aron. Anyone else you'd like to say hi to?
Aron Ralston: Ehm... Well, Brion at work.
Brian: Hi, Aron!
Aron Ralston: [as himself] Hey! Eh... I probably won't be making it into work today.
[Stephenson-Aron and the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston: [as Stephenson] Get a load of this guy! Oh, wait. Hold on... We've got a question coming in from another Aron in Loser Canyon, Utah! Aron asks...
Aron Ralston: Am I right in thinking that even if Brion from work notifies the police, they'll put a 24-hour hold on it before they file a Missing Persons report? Which means you won't become officially missing until midday Wednesday, at the earliest?
Aron Ralston: Yeah. You're right on the money there, Aron.
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston: Which means, I'll probably be dead by then.
[the audience laughs again]
Aron Ralston: [as Stephenson] Aron from Loser Canyon, Utah. How do you know so much?
Aron Ralston: Well, I'll tell you how I know so much. I volunteer for the rescue service. You see, I'm something of a... well, a big fucking hard hero.
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston: And I can do everything on my own, you see?
Aron Ralston: I do see! Now... Is it true that despite, or maybe because you're a big fucking hard hero... you didn't tell anyone where you were going?
Aron Ralston: Yeah. That's absolutely correct.
Aron Ralston: Anyone...?
[as himself, shaking his head]
Aron Ralston: Anyone.
Aron Ralston: Oops...
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston: [silently repeats] Oops. Oops.
Aron Ralston: Hey. Aron here. Leave a message.
Sonja Ralston: Hey Aron. Sonja here, again. I know that you're probably gonna be away this weekend. But listen, just think about we we're gonna play. Please. 'Cause we have to decide, and we really... We need to practice, okay? Anyway, it will be fun. I promise. And oh, please call mom. Please. 'Cause she worries, which you know already. Okay. Later, A., goodbye.
Aron Ralston: [upon first meeting] I can take you that way if you like...
Aron Ralston: Oh, sorry. The, uh - Friday the 13th there.
[removes scarf from his face]
Aron Ralston: [takes off glasses too] I'm only a psychopath on weekdays. And today's Saturday, so...
Aron Ralston: Can't take this off. My face...
Aron Ralston: [to camera] What I could really use is about 20 meters of static wrap rope, 9.8 mil. Uh, three or four pulleys, a rack of carabiners, a sling, power drill, and bolt kit. Oh, and uh, eight burly men to do all the hauling.
Aron Ralston: [gagging on urine] It's no Slurpee!