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"How I Met Your Mother" The Playbook (TV Episode 2009) Poster

(TV Series)

(2009)

Quotes

Barney Stinson: Every woman in New York! Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers lock up your daughters, daughters lock up your MILSWANCA.

Marshall Eriksen: MILSWANCA?

Ted Mosby: Oh I got it, Mothers I Like To Sleep With And Never Call Again

Barney Stinson: Correct! Circle gets a square.

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Marshall Eriksen: So Robin, do you have a playbook?

Robin Scherbatsky: [motions at breasts] Two volumes, right here.

Ted Mosby: I've read them, it's a good read.

Lily Aldrin: Yeah, I'm reading them right now.

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Lily Aldrin: I had Shelley reserved for Ted for three years!

Barney Stinson: Well, he didn't miss much. She's brainy and whiny and boring in bed. Hey, maybe she is perfect for Ted.

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Barney Stinson: Don't drink that!

Christy: Why not?

Barney Stinson: I saw a guy put something in that drink.

Christy: Really? Who?

Barney Stinson: [Points at Ted] That guy.

[Bartender tackles Ted]

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Ted Mosby: Say what you will, but it's a law of nature.

Marshall Eriksen: Lawyered!... of nature.

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Girl: [Barney demonstrates the play "The My Penis Grants Wishes"] Really? A genie comes out of it?

Barney Stinson: Only if you rub it hard enough.

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Girl: [the play SNASA] Wow! You're an astronaut?

Barney Stinson: Shhh! I'm actually in a top-secret government space program called Secret NASA, or SNASA.

Girl: Wow. SNASA? Do you go to the moon and stuff?

Barney Stinson: Well, not the moon you're familiar with. Though I have been to the smoon.

Girl: Wow, the smoon.

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Lily Aldrin: Can you believe that? He blames me! Oh, and by the way, Ted, I bet she'd still go out with you.

Ted Mosby: Hm. Let me think. Do I wanna go out with a girl Barney hooked up with? Guys, help me out with the harmonies?

Marshall Eriksen: Sure.

Ted Mosby: Hell no...

Robin Scherbatsky: Hell no...

Marshall Eriksen: Hell no...

Claire: Hell no...

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Robin Scherbatsky: All right, I'm gonna get the paper.

Ted Mosby: More like go get a husband.

Marshall Eriksen: Totally.

Robin Scherbatsky: Okay, you guys, just stop that. Seriously, the last thing I'm looking for right now is a relationship.

Ted Mosby: Uh-huh. When you pick up the newspaper, be sure to check the wedding announcements. For yours!

Marshall Eriksen: Robin, it's like this. Do you know how many times in my life I've gone to the freezer looking for frozen waffles and not found them?

Robin Scherbatsky: Thousands?

Marshall Eriksen: Millions. But when I go to the freezer looking for a popsicle or the remote control because Lily and I are having a fight and she's hidden it there, do you know what I find? Frozen waffles. That's how it works. You go out there looking for a paper, you're coming back with frozen waffles. And in this case, frozen waffles is a guy. Also, could you pick up some frozen waffles? In that case, frozen waffles are frozen waffles.

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Barney Stinson: None of these are cheap tricks. Except for The Cheap Trick.

[Cut to Barney dressed as a rocker]

Barney Stinson: Yeah, I'm the bass player for Cheap Trick.

Barney Stinson: [Back to reality] And even that requires expensive hair extensions.

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Ted Mosby: [talks to a woman] I'll give you a call. Bye, bye.

[she leaves, and Ted goes back to the others]

Ted Mosby: For those of you keeping score, the Ted Mosby... works!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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