- [the Monarch returns after being taken away by Captain Sunshine]
- Dr. Girlfriend: What did he do to you?
- The Monarch: The usual. He threw me in jail, literally. Threw me right into the yard at the state prison. Then he shouts up to the warden, "Looks like this one won't be causing any more trouble!" Then he flies off with a gay little salute.
- Dr. Girlfriend: Oh, my God.
- The Monarch: Apparently nobody ever told him what due process was.
- Hank Venture: So, how come you have a car when you can just fly everywhere?
- Captain Sunshine: Because it also turns into a submarine.
- [Captain Sunshine discovers the Monarch dressed up as Wonder Boy]
- Captain Sunshine: NOOO! Take that costume off!
- The Monarch: What's the matter, Captain Funtime? Isn't this what you've always wanted?
- Captain Sunshine: What are you talking about?
- The Monarch: Wouldn't it just fix everything twisted up inside of you if you could only fuck Wonder Boy and your worst enemy at the same time, huh? Well, come and get us!
- Captain Sunshine: [horrified] You're sick!
- The Monarch: [makes suggestive motions] Where do you want it, Captain? Huh? Where do you want my dick? Here, here?
- Captain Sunshine: [on his knees] You get away! Get away from me with your dirty talking!
- [first lines]
- [Dr Venture has Hank and Dean covered in mechanical caterpillars]
- The Monarch: [laughs evilly] Time to pay the piper, Venture. Or in minutes my meca-pillar silky issue will destroy the only living proof you've actually had sex. That is, unless you give me $10 million!
- Dr. Venture: What? Since when do you arch for money?
- Dr. Girlfriend: Yeah, what are you doing?
- The Monarch: Honey, how long have we been trying to kill this schmuck? 10, 20 years?
- Dr. Girlfriend: I don't know, since Marky Mark had a Funky Bunch!
- The Monarch: And it never works. You wanna know how to really hurt Venture?
- Dr. Girlfriend: Not really, but as a wife I try to be supportive, so...
- The Monarch: We strike him in the pocket book!
- Captain Sunshine: You may be invulnerable, Monarch, but no one is invulnerable to justice! I'm going to make you pay for what you did to Wonder Boy once and for all!
- [last lines]
- Hank Venture: Hey um, do you think maybe you could put in a good word for Batman for me?
- Captain Sunshine: GET OUT OF MY SANCTUM SOLARIUM!
- Captain Sunshine: Hank, how would you like to be my new Wonder Boy?
- Hank Venture: Whoa! You mean, like, be your partner and stuff?
- Captain Sunshine: And stuff!
- Hank Venture: Cool! Would there be any kind of, shall we say, compensation for the job?
- Captain Sunshine: How does food and board, free rides on the ferris wheel and 20 video game tokens a week sound?
- Hank Venture: Like a sweetheart deal! I get a whole costume, right?
- Captain Sunshine: Oh, boy, do you ever!
- Captain Sunshine: You like me, don't you, Hank? It is Hank, isn't it?
- Hank Venture: Yeah!
- Captain Sunshine: Good, good. You know, Hank, I think you and I are going to be super friends...
- [flies into a flock of birds, Hank cries out and hugs Captain Sunshine for protection]
- Captain Sunshine: Well, I think that's enough excitement for one day, youngster! Let's say we get you home!
- Hank Venture: Look, I appreciate everything you've given me. Especially the Choco-diles, because my bodyguard never gives me those. But I think, maybe you're using me to try to replace someone else, maybe someone you lost. I don't really know what's up with that; you keep talking about him, I didn't want to ask. What I do know, is that I can't be that other kid, no matter how hard I try.
- Captain Sunshine: Don't say that, Wonder Boy. You can be a great Wonder Boy some day, Wonder Boy...
- Hank Venture: That's just it, I'm not Wonder Boy! I'm Hank Venture, and I want to go home!
- Dr. Venture: Look I don't have that type of cash lying around.
- Dean Venture: Daddy!
- [Mecha-pillar gags him]
- Dr. Venture: All right, you can have anything in my lab. Anything you see here, take your pick. Anything except for the positronic accelerator...
- The Monarch: I don't want any of your old crap! This isn't "Antiques Roadshow," dick. It's your money or their lives!
- Hank Venture: Yeah, quit being such a skin-flint and pay the piper-man!
- Dr. Venture: [on Dean] Do you know what Mr. Smart-mouth called me as he stormed out this morning? A honky!
- The Monarch: Hot damn we're good at this villain crap. Why do we even waste our time chasing Dr. Venture around?
- Dr. Girlfriend: I'm not gonna validate that with an answer.
- Dr. Girlfriend: What the hell did you do to Wonder Boy to get him so worked up?
- The Monarch: Uh... remember when we'd broken up, and I was drinking a lot? Well, I kinda slew him.
- Captain Sunshine: [on Hank] This one's perfect, Desmond, he's an orphan! I think he might even be homeless...
- Captain Sunshine: [beating up the Monarch] Got a thing for torturing young boys, don't you? Well, you're not fighting a boy now!
- [Dr Venture meets the Monarch to hand over the ransom for his sons]
- Sgt. Hatred: Where's Hank?
- Dr. Venture: Yeah?
- Dr. Girlfriend: What, did he bring him back?
- Dr. Venture: Who?
- Dr. Girlfriend: Captain Sunsh...
- The Monarch: [shuts up his wife] Ah, we knew you'd pull something like this Venture, so we kept Hank as collateral! Hah!
- Sgt. Hatred: Foul! Guild ransom by-laws strictly stipulate you gotta return all adaptees if the ransom's been paid in good faith!
- The Monarch: How the hell do an ambush and a bag of dittos constitute good faith?
- [Sgt Hatred throws up]
- The Monarch: What's the matter with him now?
- Dr. Venture: He's been scarfing pistachios in a hot spiderhole for two hours because SOMEBODY was late.
- The Monarch: Oh, excuse us for ruining your doublecross!... All right, do-over! Everybody back in the cocoon, we'll try it again tomorrow!
- Dr. Venture: Wait! The least you could do for making us wait around all day is let us keep Dean!
- The Monarch: No way!
- Dr. Girlfriend: Uh, you really want that kid hanging around...
- The Monarch: Yeah, yeah... All right, fine, you can keep Dean. Wait a minute! How'd I get screwed on this deal? I want an IOU!
- [the second ransom collection takes place]
- The Monarch: What is this? I told you to come alone!
- [Dr Venture brought Dean with him]
- Dr. Venture: What? Oh stop it, it's Dean for God's sake!
- The Monarch: All right, look, I don't have Hank, okay?
- Dr. Venture: What, did you lose him? How do you lose a Hank?
- [Monarch spits in Dr Venture's eyes and knees him in the balls]
- The Monarch: The same way you just lost ten million dollars, genius! Henchmen, run!
- The Monarch: [laughs] I just made ten million bucks, the Monarch way!
- Dr. Girlfriend: Guild rules, duh! Now we're obligated to get Hank back! Hello? How do you expect to fight Captain Sunshine?
- [pulls on Monarch's sunburned skin, which irritates him]
- The Monarch: I know your dirty little secret, Sunshine! You can't do a damn thing to me! Because your powers don't work at night!
- [after beating up a supervillain who mentioned the Monarch killing Wonder Boy to him]
- Captain Sunshine: Wonder Boy, are you all right? DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU?
- [hugs Hank, is in tears]