Gloria is less than pleased with Jay's reaction to the arrival of Javier, Manny's infamously unreliable dad. Meanwhile, Phil is suffering from kidney stones and his dramatics leave Claire no other choice but to call for the hot firemen to rush him to the hospital, and Mitchell and Cameron have a harder time than Lily as they attempt to sleep train her.
Manny's dad shows up bearing extravagant gifts, Mitchell and Cameron fight over how to care for their daughter when she cries at night, and Claire tries to impress the firefighters who responded to Phil's kidney stone 911 call.
- A little switch on the documentary style: the kids are giving the interviews this week. There is a good reason for this. Among the many things their parents tell them (as all of ours did/do) was to act like adults. Apparently, playing with a Water Weasel is one way to do it, going by what Phil did. He ends up in a bit of pain, but he doesn't feel the need to get an ambulance, mainly because he doesn't want his wife or daughters drooling over the hot firemen the town has. Manny shouldn't drool over his teacher, either, but he can drool over the boat his biological father brought, albeit one day late. Jay is not happy about Manny's father dropping by, especially with his tardiness and the way he used to treat Gloria, but he'll play nice for their sakes. Besides, Javier is only going to stay one night, much to Jay's surprise. (Big mistake, Gloria. Never spring that on the new boyfriend/husband.)
Mitchell and Cameron are at odds over Lily, mainly because they're attempting to Ferberize Lily. In other words, get her to sleep on her own and not come after her every time she cries. You can probably guess who is not very good at sticking to it. To be fair, though, Cameron thinks showing Lily "Scarface" helps with color recognition. (The nightclub massacre is her favorite part.) However, Mitch is getting upset over it. So much so, he shows Cameron the baby-cam tape of him going in every single time to get Lily. In fact, Mitch takes time off of work just to keep an eye on Cam so that he doesn't do it. That doesn't work, and Mitch has to literally drag Cameron away from Lily's room. His reward is a twisted ankle and an admission that he doesn't always want to have to play the "bad cop" in their relationship with Lily. Cameron compromises by agreeing to make Lily eat her vegetables and insist she go to the dentist.
It turns out Phil had a more serious pain than he led on: a kidney stone. His histrionics aside, he does try to prevent Claire from calling 911 because he knows she, Alex, and Haley will go nuts for the hot firefighters. He is forced to relent when the pain gets to be too much, but he does notice Claire putting on a nicer top and lipstick for their arrival. Alex notices the heels, though. She finally admitted to it, and he had something on her he would cash in at some later point. ("Ol' Phil has a golden ticket!") The later point was as he left the hospital, where one very hot woman wanted to hug him goodbye for being so funny and teaching them card tricks. So did her hotter sister...and hot mom as well. No convertible or trip to Paris with his buddies anymore.
Jay is woken up during the night by Javier's pool playing. He goes downstairs to talk to him, but Javier gets to talking to Jay, wondering why he doesn't do the things he used to, like ride his motorcycle or play baseball. (Wait, Jay played football in high school and he was a winning quarterback! Oh, sorry. Wrong show.) They decide to stay up and have Jay work on hitting a curveball. They take Manny to Dodgers Stadium to hit the ball around.
In the morning, it's Gloria who isn't happy, since Jay is suddenly smitten with Javier, and Manny can't stay awake. Javier bringing motorcycles by didn't really help matters.
GLORIA: If I wanted to be married to a wild man, I would have stayed with Javier!
Later on, Jay is worried that Javier didn't show up to take him to the bar. Gloria has her revenge on Jay because he made fun of her being "seduced" by Javier...like Jay is being seduced now.