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John Patrick Jordan,
Some family secrets should stay buried! The mysterious Arkoff family lives in a castle secluded from the outside world, but their beautiful daughter Naomi (Robin Sydney) desperately wants to connect with the outside world. When Naomi invites three outsiders into the castle, they turn out to be deadly art thieves. The thieves are soon given a taste of their own medicine by the castles protectors. These protectors are empowered by ancient Italian witchcraft and elemental magic. Some know them as SKULL HEADS!
The film resolves around Naomi Arkoff, an emotionally backward young woman (Robin Sydney), who lives in a castle in Italy with her mother and her aggressive father, along with a dark secret hidden within the castle. The girl longs to visit the outside world, and the closest she is able to come to this is when a film crew arrives to use their castle for a backdrop.
"Skull Heads" is a 2009 drama/horror film written, produced and directed by Charles Band and distributed by his company Full Moon Features. As with other Full Moon films, the quality is on more of a cheese level, and there's a focus on small, doll-like creatures. In this case, "skull heads"... which have no real purpose to the plot, aside from showing up at the end for a bit of a twist that wasn't even really necessary. Like "Dangerous Worry Dolls", Band actually had a decent story without the need for dolls or other creatures. He could have perhaps been taken more seriously by making a straight story.
There are some good elements to this movie. It is humorous if you recognize that Full Moon films are a special kind of picture. There's a bestiality joke or two in there. But mostly, it's recycled Charles Band at its best. The same castle he used in countless films for over twenty years now (his family's real Italian castle). The same Richard Band score from countless other films. And Robin Sydney, who seems to be his regular go-to girl now. Not that I'm complaining.
Robin Sydney gets nekkid! Now, that's all fine and good. She's a beautiful woman (and really nice, too... I encourage everyone to meet her). It's just odd that she chose to do so now, after years of being in these films. I hope she isn't trying to get noticed. We love you, Robin, with or without your clothes.
The best thing I can say about "Skull Heads" is that it has awesome bonus features with Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton and Stuart Gordon being interviewed by William Shatner. It's pretty bizarre to see all these people in one room. I presume this is cut from another DVD (the Shatner Christmas special?), but if you haven't seen it, it's really a gem and I'm excited that it made the disc.
A reviewer from France commented that, "Instead of watching this try blowing yourself". And, typically, I would give a similar assessment. Except that I knew going in to the film that I was going to get pretty much exactly what I got. And with that mindset, it's not all that bad. Certainly not half as bad as "Gingerdead Man". I laughed a bit, I enjoyed some alcoholic beverages, and it went alright. You might want to do the same, but only if you go in prepared.
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