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Princess of Mars (2009)

Video  -  Sci-Fi | Thriller | War  -  29 December 2009 (USA)
3.0
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Reviews: 49 user | 18 critic

John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is some kind of lone soldier in the middle east who looks at everyone through the scope on his rifle, until one day he gets shot a bunch of times and the ... See full summary »

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Title: Princess of Mars (Video 2009)

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
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Chacko Vadaketh ...
Mitchell Gordon ...
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Matt Lagan ...
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Saroh Kan
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Cornwell Sams
Rob Ullett ...
Hudson
Dean Kreyling ...
Atol Nard
Mohammad Kavianpour ...
Hosan
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Thark Gordack
Ali Tagi Alexander ...
Jamal
Jonathan Footman ...
Thark
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Storyline

John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is some kind of lone soldier in the middle east who looks at everyone through the scope on his rifle, until one day he gets shot a bunch of times and the government decides to reconstruct him on another planet for some reason. Naked and surrounded by hostile aliens, John Carter must fight for survival as aliens try to kill him and/or make him eat bugs. John Carter does NOT WANT TO EAT BUGS. Written by Matt Pierce

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Genres:

Sci-Fi | Thriller | War

Certificate:

Not Rated | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
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Release Date:

29 December 2009 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Avatar of Mars  »

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Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Title was renamed to John Carter Of Mars on recent releases. See more »

Goofs

When John Carter fights Tars Tarkas in the pit, he gets Tars in a headlock that snaps the right tusk on the actor's mask. See more »

Connections

Version of John Carter (2012) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Gah
9 January 2010 | by See all my reviews

Well. This is by no means the worst movie I've ever seen. I've seen (if you can call it that) one or two Asylum movies before, and some of them are physically painful to watch. 2012: Supernova? Arrrgh!! AVH: Alien vs. Hunter? I nearly gnawed off a limb in an effort to dull the excruciating experience. The Asylum exist to produce unbearably cheap knock-offs of well-known sci-fi and horror movies, and they survive purely by tricking the ignorant into watching their deliberately and deviously diluted versions by mistake. Someone should give these guys a good spanking and ground them for life on a deserted island.

Anyway. You can understand that my expectations for "Princess of Mars" were very low indeed. But I wanted to check it out, just in case they had actually read the original book. And I was surprised: they had. But in a characteristic fit of plagiarism (and, probably, because filming in the desert is cheap) they'd also decided to fuse the concept with Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Even so, I was actually mildly entertained by Princess of Mars (and yes, I can still stand to look at Traci Lords). The acting was hammy and the production values were unimpressive (but at least they were there); it looked like what it was: a thoroughly derivative low-budget C-movie bordering on the farcical. But that can be entertaining, too! As the movie went on I was thinking that, hey, this was in the same league as Bloodrayne and stuff like that, and I might actually end up rating this a 4 out of 10! A good rating for a craptacular excuse for a real movie, appreciating that it might be trash but at least it's funny and entertaining trash.

Unfortunately, the ending was so stupid and pointless that I have to cut that rating in half, and end up with a 2 out of 10 mark. Properly, the movie doesn't really deserve more than 1, but for maintaining a certain watchability almost all the way to the end, and for being funny despite its ROTJ derivation, I retain one more star.

All in all, still a massive disappointment that can in no way be recommended.


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