Michael Scott: Why would you date an amateur when you can date a professional?
Michael Scott: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.
[Kids see Michael pretending to hang from a noose]
Michael Scott: Kids, just remember. Suicide is never the answer. All right.
[in talking head]
Michael Scott: Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
Michael Scott: It is the easy way out. You are not alone.
Darryl Philbin: What the hell is wrong with you?
Michael Scott: [short silence] Who wants candy?