Wyoming: Right, I don't have time to torture you...
Phil: Oh, thank God...
Wyoming: ...so I'm just going to have to kill you.
Phil: Oh, this *sucks*!
[instant fade-to-black, gunshot heard]
Red Zealot: If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flap directions to us in battle? We are lost! And the world as we knew it is gone from our eyes! Only to live in our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the end of times!
Red Zealot: Repent! Repent!
Red Zealot: [after an angered Caboose makes his overly dramatic entrance into the battlefield] It's the Beast! The Anti-Flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!
[after Sarge and Caboose's last attempt to get the Battle Creek Red and Blue grunts to listen to them has failed]
Caboose: Wait. I can make them listen. I... can... *beat* them.
Sarge: Son, what are you talkin' about?
Caboose: O'Malley taught me how to be mean.
[struggles to concentrate]
Caboose: I... just... have... to... concentrate... on, bad... things! Like *milk*... no wait, red... *Red Bull*!
Sarge: Son, I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc!
Caboose: No, I can feel him. I just need to... get angry, and *say mean things*, like... uh... *Your brain is a mountain of hatred!*
Sarge: I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is.
Caboose: [now speaking in a very stilted, halting cadence, straining even more] Now, I am... thinking... about... kittens! Guh, *kit-tens*... covered... in... spikes. That makes... me... *angry!*
[begins to convulse and yell]
Caboose: [Caboose completely loses all self-control and then jumps off the cliff. An overly dramatic upshot of Caboose jumping down from the cliff, in slow motion. Caboose is yelling in a slowed-down, guttural yell, then lands on his feet, shaking the ground. The Reds and Blue grunts stop fighting and stare incredulously at Caboose]
Caboose: [in a deep gruff evil voice] My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate... *babies*!
Red Zealot: [in the midst of a huge battle] Stop fighting! Stop fighting! Everyone, *stop fighting*!
[the fighting stops]
Red Zealot: Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag!
Red Grunt: [reverently] It's more beautiful than I ever imagined!
Red Zealot: I have seen the top of the mountain, and you will all worship me, as though I were a *god*!
[several Blue grunts run up and mob him]
Red Zealot: I regret nothing! I lived as few men dared to dream!
[Simmons has just barely fixed the teleporter in time]
Sarge: Simmons, you get an F in efficiency, but I have to give you an A+ in dramatic timing.
[fueled by anger, after single-handedly defeating every Battle Creek Red and Blue grunt]
Caboose: I will eat your unhappiness!
Caboose: [after the angered Caboose's rampage on the Battle Creek Reds and Blue grunts, with Sarge and Caboose ready to hop through a teleporter] Your toast has been burned, and *no* amount of scraping will remove the black parts!
Sarge: Oh, shut up, Caboose.
Caboose: I have a plan, Sergeant, but we will have to move quick. Listen: whisper, whisper, whisper. Do you think that will work?
Sarge: That's your plan? All you said was, "Whisper, whisper, whisper."
Caboose: I know. I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once.
Wyoming: Right, here's the way this works. I ask you a question, you tell me an answer. One question, one answer. I don't get the answer I like, we've got a problem. And if we've got a problem, you've got a problem. That clear?
Phil: Okay, just don't hurt me! I'm a single parent.
Wyoming: Splendid, that's the attitude, old chap.
Sarge: Hurry up, Simmons.
Simmons: Just give me a few more seconds over here, Sarge.
Sarge: We don't have a few more seconds!
Simmons: Stop pressuring me! I rely on you for love and support!
[Sarge and Caboose have taken the red and blue flags from a pair of zealous armies]
A blue soldier: Why don't we just kill you guys and take the flags back?
A red soldier: Hmmm, yeah!
[Sarge shoots the blue soldier]
Some red soldier: Oh you got owned! I saw it, fucking owned!
Blue Team: Teams! Teams! Teams!
Some red soldier: Shut up! Teams are fine!
Red Team: Teams are fine! Teams are fine!
[the armies start shooting at each other - again]