- [romantic breakfast]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Toasted blueberry? You spoil me.
- Carter Baizen: Dorota offered to make eggs, but I thought it was the duty of the devoted lover to provide...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mm. I missed you.
- Carter Baizen: [softly] Yeah, you showed me just how much when I got in last night.
- [kisses her]
- Serena van der Woodsen: So, how was your trip? Did you get your money back from your poker buddies?
- Carter Baizen: No. And I would have let it slide, but my parents cutting me off...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Trust me, I get it. Working for K.C. is nowhere near as lucrative as being Lily Bass' daughter. For now, toaster pastries are all I can afford.
- Blair Waldorf: The bloodsucker is back! I saw her coffin and telltale Louis Vuitton broom on the floor.
- Nate Archibald: Vampires don't ride brooms, Blair.
- Blair Waldorf: Leave it to Georgina to start a mutant strain.
- Bree Buckley: We're Southern, so family loyalties are really big down there.
- Blair Waldorf: Like slavery.
- [Chuck looks at her sharply]
- Blair Waldorf: What? I'm joking. You know I'm joking, right, Bree?
- Bree Buckley: [on phone, reporting to her parents] He'll be back soon. He's in love.
- [ends call]
- Chuck Bass: [behind her] You looking for Carter? The worm's dating my stepsister.
- [Bree doesn't know what to make of him]
- Chuck Bass: Look, if he's done something to you, I need to know. Any enemy of Carter's is a friend of mine.
- Bree Buckley: I shouldn't talk about it. But, uh, you should tell your stepsister to be careful. Oh, and, uh, if the worm pops out of the ground, let me know, okay?
- Dan Humphrey: [got Rufus and Lily to sit down together at restaurant] I can't believe that actually worked.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I know, I'm a genius. Which doesn't quite explain why I'll be spending the day reorganizing K.C.'s shoe closet. Gotta go.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [found her Mom poring over old wedding album] That was by far your best wedding. The flowers, the foie gras. Who would've guessed nine months later Klaus would have auf'd?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Well, the worst thing is, I thought he would make me happy. I thought all of them would. What are you doing here?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I wanted to clear the air. I'm sorry, I know that you're disappointed that I'm not going to Brown. And I know that you're angry that I left...
- Lily van der Woodsen: I'm not angry at you, Serena. I should have been here this summer to help you with the decision, instead of leaving you here with yet another man who doesn't get it.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mom, what are you talking about? You and Rufus are the perfect couple.
- Georgina Sparks: Why won't he respond to any of my calls or... or texts or my animated e-cards?
- Vanessa Abrams: [scoffs] Are you serious?
- Georgina Sparks: The last one I sent him was this adorable singing dog.
- Vanessa Abrams: Okay, Dan didn't write you back because, A, he broke up with you... B, he's seeing someone else... and, C, even though I tried to defend you, you're a full-on *crazy* person.
- Georgina Sparks: Wait, can we go back to Bristol for a second?
- [chuckles]
- Georgina Sparks: He can't be seeing someone else... because we just broke up, and...
- [realizes that is just what happened]
- Georgina Sparks: Okay. Then you're gonna get Dan to dump her.
- Vanessa Abrams: Why in the world would I do that?
- Georgina Sparks: [shakes her head] I didn't visit my family last week. I was in Boston. You know, I met the sweetest guy. I think you know him. Scott Rosson?
- Vanessa Abrams: Oh, my God.
- Georgina Sparks: He just had so much on his mind. And after several glasses of wine, slightly enhanced... you wouldn't believe what he told me.
- Vanessa Abrams: What are you saying, Georgina?
- Georgina Sparks: Get Dan to dump the whore... or I'm gonna tell the whole world Scott's secret. And that would be too bad, because, A... that's the last thing he wants... B, how do you think Dan's gonna feel when he finds out you've known his brother's been alive the *whole* time? And, C, who are you gonna hang out with when all the Humphreys hate you?
- [shakes her head in mock sympathy]
- Georgina Sparks: Should we review B again?
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Some say love is a secret you keep sealed, but to Georgina Sparks, love's always a battlefield.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, Jenny, are you okay? You been working on that dress all night.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah.
- [chuckles]
- Jenny Humphrey: It's like my own Project Runway challenge.
- Georgina Sparks: [to random hot dog stand attendant] What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass, but now doesn't?
- [the guy shrugs]
- Georgina Sparks: It means that someone's a big fat liar.
- [walks off on her way]
- Blair Waldorf: Anyway, why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her... and the tractor she rode in on.
- Chuck Bass: [abandons exotic massage he was giving Blair] What you hate, is Nate moving on. Look, I love you, but Nate liking Bree doesn't make her a piranha. And Serena liking Carter doesn't make him a prince.