Charlie Kelly: Why do we never play Night Crawlers anymore, huh?
Dee Reynolds: What is "Night Crawlers"?
Dennis Reynolds: It's a game where they crawl around in the night like worms.
Charlie Kelly: I never said that.
Frank Reynolds: Yeah, well that's what it is.
Dennis Reynolds: We're caring people. That's our nature.
Tabitha: Um, what's Frank struggling with the most right now?
Dee Reynolds: Ooh, he is trying to bang our aunt.
Dennis Reynolds: That's the big one.
Tabitha: These things deal more with drug and alchohol abuse.
Dennis Reynolds: Drugs and alcohol are rolled into what we're talking about here.
Tabitha: So he does have a drinking problem.
Charlie Kelly: Oh, big time!
Dee Reynolds: Oh, lady.
Dee Reynolds: I'm assuming you wouldn't have lured him down by a fire. Is that- is that what your face is doing right now?
Tabitha: Yeah, uh, and I wouldn't have an intervention at a bar either.
Dee Reynolds: So how do we go about doing this? We ambush him, and just sorta barate him into being the guy we wanna be around?
Tabitha: No, you certainly don't barate him. He needs to know your coming from a place of love and concern.
Dennis Reynolds: Too soft. I think we should come at him with an iron fist and crush him into submission.
Charlie Kelly: Right, right, and you know what, if we're taking that approch you might want to be armed at this intervention.
Tabitha: Why-why would I need to be armed?
Charlie Kelly: Well, Frank's usually carrying like a little gun around with him and he doesn't really hesitate to use it.
Dennis Reynolds: And you know what? Have the gun out and ready to rock.
Charlie Kelly: Yeah, in fact we can all have- we'll all have guns.
Dee Reynolds: It's just safer.
Charlie Kelly: You know what, if we maybe ambush Frank with a net or some kind of like rope device, the gun will maybe drop out of his waist.
Dee Reynolds: You want to bring him in a net?
Dennis Reynolds: That could get awkward. I say bring a gun.
Dee Reynolds: Just bring the gun.
Charlie Kelly: I don't want to get shot so just bring a gun, will ya?
Gail the Snail: Mom, I'm sexually active now. Get over it!
Donna: You're 33 years old, you're supposed to be sexually active. You're not supposed to be fondling your uncle under a table!
Mac: I have an idea.
Frank Reynolds: [turns in fear] Where did you come from?
Mac: Frank, I've been walking next to you this entire time.
Frank Reynolds: [at the cemetery] Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna.
Donna: Hello, Frank.
Frank Reynolds: You surprised to see me?
Donna: No. You left several voicemails congratulating me on my husband's death.
Frank Reynolds: Well, I was pretty baked.
Mac: Hey. I'm Mac.
Mac: Barbara's ex-lover. She may have mentioned...
[Donna stares blankly]
Mac: You were gonna say something?
Mac: [smacks lips] ... You said... no?
Donna: No. I was just breathing.
Tabitha: You know, I do offer group therapy.
Charlie Kelly: Yeah...
Dennis Reynolds: What are you doing?
Dee Reynolds: What is this you're doing?
Dennis Reynolds: What is that? What is that?
Tabitha: With all due respect, you're talking about bringing guns to an intervention, and you're drinking wine out of a soda can.
Dee Reynolds: [smiling] Yeah.
Dennis Reynolds: Oh, you put wine in the soda can? That's good.
Dee Reynolds: You didn't know, did you? Soda.
Charlie Kelly: You stole Frank's idea.
Dee Reynolds: Yeah, yeah, actually it's a pretty good one.
Charlie Kelly: It's a good idea. I mean, the guy's got great ideas.
Dee Reynolds: He's a smart man. That's not what we're here about.
Charlie Kelly: But I do feel like she just tried an intervention on us.
Dennis Reynolds: Did you intervene on us? Is that what that was? You know what I'm feeling? I'm feeling like you've lost control of the room here and, really, we're the ones that are running things now.
Dee Reynolds: I've lost my trust in you. I feel like we can do this on our own.
Dennis Reynolds: I think we can do the intervention on our own without her.
Charlie Kelly: You guys think?
Dee Reynolds: Why not?
Charlie Kelly: All right, might as well give it a shot.
Dennis Reynolds: Let's just do that.
Dee Reynolds: Thank you.
Charlie Kelly: Thanks for your help. You did your best. Uh, no hard feelings. I'm gonna grab some of this literature too.
Dennis Reynolds: She didn't do that great of a job.
Charlie Kelly: No, I mean, don't beat her while she's down, man.
Mac: I made you breakfast! I hope you like it crispy 'cause it is burned.
Donna: What is going on in here? How did you get in my house? Did you kick in my door?
Mac: Kick, yes. Kick in, no. That door is solid, which is the good news. The bad news is the window is not.
Frank Reynolds: [cocks gun as he enters the bar] Where's the goddamn fire?
Frank Reynolds: Intervention. Intervention. You banged my dead wife?
Mac: Well, she was alive at the time. But... Did you not know that?
Frank Reynolds: No.
Charlie Kelly: It's cool, man. It's cool. Intervention. Intervention, okay? Look, he's got a weird, um, fetish for older women, so don't hold it against him.
Mac: I don't have an older-woman fetish.
Charlie Kelly: Yeah, you do.
Mac: I don't wanna bang this chick.
[points to Tabitha]