[Mark is having a party and has invited Gerard, his rival for Dobby's affections]
Jeremy Usborne: That's big of you, inviting him.
Mark Corrigan: I thought it would look petty and vindictive not to, and as a petty and vindictive individual I have to take extra care not to appear petty or vindictive.
[Super Hans is chatting up Elena, showing her the snake he's brought to the party]
Super Hans: All right, Jez?
Jeremy Usborne: Yeah, um, just an idea, but would it be OK, mate, if you fucked off before I ram a wine bottle up your cock?
Super Hans: All right, mate. Chill out. It's only a phallic symbol, not me actual dong.
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Yeah, the cool-off. I'm relaxed, Snoopy on a 'lude. Who's going to break first? Not me, sweetheart.
Jeremy Usborne: Look, I just fucking... love you. I love you and I don't wanna play it cool anymore because I would eat my own fingers just to look at your face. I will be your dog or your human mannequin, I'll do anything you say, I just... want you.
Elena: You'd be a human mannequin for me?
Jeremy Usborne: Well, yeah. I mean, I don't what that involves exactly but...
Elena: I just thought you'd gone off me.
Jeremy Usborne: I was trying to play stupid games, but I can't... I just want to fuck your brain into my brain!
Jeremy Usborne: Wow. If sex was an Olympic event, we'd win Gold.
Elena: You're so cute, Jeremy. Sex is never going to be in the Olympics because of China. China wouldn't allow it.
[Gail has proposed to Elena at the party, she's said yes]
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Where have all the homophobes gone when you need them? God, people are so fickle.
[Mark has just puked in a bin, which has the missing snake inside]
Super Hans: You are paying for that snake to be dry-cleaned.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] I bet you probably can get reptiles dry-cleaned, that's the world we're living in.
Mark Corrigan: What the hell are you doing?
Jeremy Usborne: I'm gaffer-taping bin bags to the floor.
Mark Corrigan: Right. Why?
Jeremy Usborne: To protect the carpet from all the various... fluids.
Mark Corrigan: But it looks like a crack den.
Jeremy Usborne: [proudly] I know!
Jeremy Usborne: Nobody care about the food at parties, Mark. They just want to get pissed and go ape.
Mark Corrigan: Go ape? I don't want people going ape, Jeremy. Because there's a missing word, isn't there? Ape shit.
Jeremy Usborne: Right now I'm setting up puke points.
Mark Corrigan: Puke points?
Jeremy Usborne: There are seven puke points. The toilet is puke point HQ, obviously, and then I've gone round emptying the bins and distributing bags as secondary puke points.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Oh God, this could be a disaster. I want a night of edgy banter and tipsy indiscretions, he wants us all lying around in our pants, flinging shit at each other.