- Debbie Callahan: He fixed the motor, but what about the body?
- Eugene Tackleberry: Maybe I can pound out those dents with my fist-bazooka?
- Carey Mahoney: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney...
- Larvelle Jones: He's just a kid!
- Carey Mahoney: You have the right to call your mother.
- Billy: Real funny, fuzzball.
- Captain Thaddeus Harris: [after bumping their heads in Mahoney's car, Harris and Proctor's caps are stuck over their eyes] I can't see a thing!
- Proctor: Don't feel bad, sir, it's not a very scenic part of town.
- Carl Sweetchuck: [Zed and Sweetchuck are painting a log cabin] How do you like this color, Zed?
- Zed McGlunk: [licks his paintbrush] Delicious! Purple is my favorite flavor.