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This Ain't Star Trek XXX (2009)

Video  -  Adult | Sci-Fi  -  12 May 2009 (USA)
6.6
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Ratings: 6.6/10 from 64 users  
Reviews: 1 user | 19 critic

The starship Enterprise finds the SS Botany Bay carrying humans from the 21st Century. Spock is fascinated by Ruth, who was dipped in Venus fluid moments after her birth. Ship historian Lt.... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview:
...
Captain James T. Kirk
Tony DeSergio ...
Mr. Spock (as Tony De Sergio)
Cheyne Collins ...
Dr. McCoy
...
Khan
...
Uhura
Ero Sennin ...
Sulu
Anthony Rosano ...
Scotty
Codi Carmichael ...
Nurse
...
Ruth
...
Chandra
...
Marla
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Storyline

The starship Enterprise finds the SS Botany Bay carrying humans from the 21st Century. Spock is fascinated by Ruth, who was dipped in Venus fluid moments after her birth. Ship historian Lt. Marla McGivers becomes entranced by Kahn, who plans to use her to take over the ship. A Vulcan female called Chandra, who just happens to be suffering from Pon Far, beams aboard to warn Kirk about Kahn and 'the Craving'. Indeed, Kahn releases the PSI2000 virus into the ships ventilation system which brightens everyones pupils. Dr. McCoy concludes that the only antidote is to have a powerful orgasm as soon as possible. Written by Il Tesoro

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Adult | Sci-Fi

Certificate:

X
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Release Date:

12 May 2009 (USA)  »

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Did You Know?

Quotes

Captain James T. Kirk: Damn it, Spock! You're half human! You have to fuck her!
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Connections

Followed by This Ain't Star Trek 3 XXX: This Is a Parody (2013) See more »

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User Reviews

Pastiche (read: ripoff), not spoof or satire
24 November 2009 | by (New York, New York) – See all my reviews

Pornographers have found it profitable recently to churn out imitations of popular old TV series, aiming at a low-brow (or is it no-brow?) general public with a not quite suited for each other mix of nostalgia and smut. This one seemed promising on paper, what with the enduring fascination with Gene Roddenberry's STAR TREK, and a cast of some of the biggest names in current porn, but the result is a dud.

Evan Stone, who might earn the left-handed compliment of "best actor" in porn of recent years, as if acting is what mattered, does a reasonable impression of Capt. Kirk, though no attempt is made at imitating Shatner's bad hairpieces of the '60s. As proved in the "non-sex" reel presented here as a bonus (when they edit out the hardcore porn, we're left with just 20 minutes of movie), this is really an all-sex gonzo video, given the patina of respectability by an imitation of TREK's beloved SPACE SEED episode and THE WRATH OF KHAN feature, where Ricardo Montalban memorably chewed up the scenery. I guess timing is everything; RM was fortunate in this one sense to have passed away before this XXX farrago was released. Bug-eyed Nick Manning, with correct hairstyle, does an adequate job of imitating Khan. The rest of the cast is strictly on board for humping, not acting.

The material here is not funny -it's easier to imitate than to create a Sid Caesar/Mel Brooks/SCTV/Sat. Night Live satire. Untalented director Axel Braun, sadly according to IMDb the son of Lasse Braun from the Golden Age of hardcore, makes the BIG mistake of doing endless sex scenes -not the 4-minute variety back when porn was on the big screen but the 15-minute tedium-inducing editions prevalent today. It causes the film's story and raison d'etre to self-destruct; this one's impossible to watch without the fast forward button or Next Chapter click.

Jada Fire as Uhura actually gets to recite some lines of dialog, but basically she is little more than a doll for Stone and the poorly-cast Tony De Sergio as Spock to violate simultaneously in porn's ever popular D.P. mode. Supposedly this fulfills a trekker's long-held fantasy about the crew getting it on, but unfortunately it plays as just familiar porn performers going through the paces. Superstar Sasha Grey backslides after her moment-in-the-sun starring for Soderbergh, delivering a reel of sex in a nothing role here; ditto Jenna Haze, perhaps the most beautiful, and naturalistic, of all current porn stars, who is unforgivably styled and made up to be far less pretty here than in her usual porn videos -a complete waste. Busty starlet Codi Carmichael comes off the best among the femmes.

Of course this is not a big-budget effort, unlike the nuttily expensive PIRATES films made with some of these same cast members. But it does look okay, capturing the over-saturated colors of the original Star Trek TV show. Another porn ripoff aimed at the original TV show is called Star Trix, identifiable by its green-painted female sex object on the cover, but after suffering through this garbage I think I'll pass on that one.


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