Neal Caffrey: [pouting after finding out an attractive agent is a lesbian] Doesn't the FBI have a policy about that?
Peter Burke: That's the military. We don't ask. We don't care.
Peter Burke: You are way out of your league.
Neal Caffrey: Ah, harmless flirting. It's like a dance.
Peter Burke: Naa, there is no dance. You're not even on her dance card. No dancing for you.
Neal Caffrey: Umm, she digs the hat.
Peter Burke: Mmm, she'd rather be wearing the hat.
[Neal, at first, has a confused look on his face, then he opens his mouth as he gets it]
Neal Caffrey: Did you really put Elizabeth under surveillance before you asked her out? Peter, I underestimated you.
Peter Burke: You told him?
Elizabeth Burke: Oh, he said he wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing anybody else. Honey, it's cute.
Neal Caffrey: I think it's adorable.
Peter Burke: I'm putting you back in prison.
Neal Caffrey: [Peter insults Neal then wants more relationship advice] No more relationship advice from this side of the car. Call doctor Phil.
Neal Caffrey: [Neal and FBI Agent Burke enter a church under restoration. The priest asks them to leave, so Neal has to convince him to let them stay] Please father, my best friend is having a crisis of the soul. He is a married man and he has the most devastatingly beautiful assistant at work. A very provocative woman. He's been tempted. More than tempted. I have details.
Priest: It's very common with men his age. Unfortunately, very common.
Neal Caffrey: And I want to confront him about this before he tears apart his life. He has a lot of faults. I mean, don't get me started, he's a mess, but he's very spiritual. I know this is the place where my words will have the most effect.
Priest: This is the City of Churches. We're closed. Surely there's another place...
Neal Caffrey: This is where he was married.
Priest: Five minutes.
Neal Caffrey: Sorry about that. We got five.
Peter Burke: Did you just lie to a priest?
Neal Caffrey: Do you find Diana attractive?
Peter Burke: Sure.
Neal Caffrey: Then we're good.
Neal Caffrey: You said, if I found a nicer place for the same price, I should take it.
Peter Burke: I did say that.
Peter Burke: You look like a cartoon.
Neal Caffrey: This is classic Rat Pack. This is a Devore.
Peter Burke: Oh, sorry Dino.
Peter Burke: [referring to Diana] You are way out of your league.
Neal Caffrey: Oh it's harmless flirting, it's like a dance.
Peter Burke: No, there is no dance. You're not even on her dance card, no dancing for you.
Neal Caffrey: Um, she digs the hat.
Peter Burke: Um, she'd rather be wearing the hat.
Neal Caffrey: That's the same suit you were wearing last time you arrested me.
Peter Burke: Classics never go out of style.
Peter Burke: Neal just bought himself 4 more years in prison, for what?
Elizabeth Burke: For what? If you were Neal, you wouldn't have run for me?
Peter Burke: Let me see it
[referring to Neal's ankle monitor]
Peter Burke: . You understand how this works?
Neal Caffrey: I"m being released into the custody of the FBI under your supervision and this thing chafing my leg. Anything I'm missing?
Peter Burke: Yeah, if you run and I catch you, which I will because I'm 2-0, you're not back here for 4 years, you're back here for good. You're gonna be tempted to look for Kate. Don't.
Peter Burke: Oh no, you don't get to lecture me on relationships. My wife didn't change her identity and flee the country to get away from me.
Peter Burke: You're in my house? On my couch? With my wife?
Neal Caffrey: Oh, hi Satchmo!
[petting Burke's dog]
Peter Burke: And you're petting my dog...
Neal Caffrey: Did you really put Elizabeth under surveillance before you asked her out? Peter... I underestimated you.
Peter Burke: [Peter runs down the stairs, after getting a call that Neal's GPS anklet was set off, only to find Neal chatting with his wife on the couch] You're on my couch.
Neal Caffrey: Yeah, I came to talk to you. And Peter, I have to say, you have such an amazing wife.
Peter Burke: Yeah, I like her. Get off my couch.
Mozzie: You know the worst thing about art forgery? You can't take credit for your work.
Neal Caffrey: I watch her granddaughter from time to time.
Peter Burke: She's got you babysitting?
Cindy: [June's gorgeous granddaughter walks in] Hi, Neal.
Peter Burke: Granddaughter?
Neal Caffrey: She's an art student.
Peter Burke: Unbelievable.
Diana Barrigan: Neal Caffrey escaped.
Peter Burke: What's this?
Diana Barrigan: U.S. Marshal's are requesting your help?
Peter Burke: My help?
Diana Barrigan: Director Thompson asked for you personally.
Peter Burke: Me? Why would he want me?
Diana Barrigan: Probably because you're the only one who ever caught him.
Peter Burke: We're not gonna catch Caffrey using road blocks and wanted posters.
Peter Burke: Still, it only took you a month and a half to escape a super max... damn impressive.
Peter Burke: Neal's smart and you know how much I like smart.