- Lafayette Reynolds: I think over again my small adventures, my fears, those small ones that seemed so big. For all the vital things I had to get and reach and yet there is only one great thing, the only thing to live to see the great day that dawns and the light that fills the world.
- Jason Stackhouse: That's beautiful.
- Lafayette Reynolds: That's because that shit is Inuit. And we all is used to lesser religions.
- Queen Sophie Anne: Russell Edgington is the most duplicitous vampire in the Americas, maybe the world. You honestly think you can trust him?
- Eric Northman: Like I can trust you? The only vampire a vampire can trust is the vampire he made.
- Sam Merlotte: [to Melinda and Joe Lee] Until I met you, I thought the Merlottes were the worst people I'd ever met. The two of you Mickens make them look like a couple of Dalai Lamas.
- Jason Stackhouse: [as she lays in a coma] Sook, don't do this to me. I meant what I said. You're all I got.
- Russell Edgington: [to Eric about Fangtaisa] Love the place, love the vibe. We must talk franchising later.
- Melinda Mickens: You warm now, son?
- Tommy Mickens: Little better, yeah.
- Sam Merlotte: Well, now you give a shit. I thought Tara had a shitty mother but you take the cake!
- Joe Lee Mickens: Don't talk to your mother that way.
- Sam Merlotte: Don't you fucking talk to me that way! Like making people scared? Think you're good at it? I can't understand the power you got over them, because I see you for what you are. You're just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernable life skills whatsoever.
- Claudine: Don't go back. Come with us.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Come with you where?
- Claudine: Our home. It's more beautiful than anything you can imagine.
- Sookie Stackhouse: How do you get there?
- Claudine: Swim. Come.
- Sookie Stackhouse: [Thinking] Hate deep water. Mama and Daddy were killed by water. Don't. Can't swim.
- [Out-loud]
- Sookie Stackhouse: I can't. See, I never learned to swim.
- Claudine: Don't fear the water. It wasn't the water that killed them.
- Russell Edgington: This could be so much less painful if you just said the fucking words!
- Magister: [Chain] I am bound by duty to uphold the sacred laws of...
- Russell Edgington: [Pulls a stake on him] Ah, ah, ah. Your call.
- Magister: I hereby pronounce you... husband and wife.
- Russell Edgington: Thank you.
- Queen Sophie Anne: Yes, thanks. I'm so happy I could bleed.
- Pam: [after she is freed] You can dish it out but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?
- Eric Northman: Let's see how this plays out, Pam. You can always taunt later.
- Jason Stackhouse: Hey, hey, Lafayette. You got a minute?
- Lafayette Reynolds: Last time you came to me all shaky like this, you wanted to buy some V.
- Jason Stackhouse: Oh, no. I told you, that shit's behind me. I just need some meth.
- Magister: I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you. By the powers vested in me by The Authority...
- Russell Edgington: The Authority? Are you serious?
- [laughs wickedly]
- Russell Edgington: Who are the authority? What gave them the authority? Nothing. No one. They took it, as I am taking it today. I no longer recognize The Authority.
- Russell Edgington: In exchange for the money she owes the IRS, Queen Sophie Anne has kindly accepted my marriage proposal.
- Queen Sophie Anne: I had no choice.
- Magister: Your Majesty...
- Russell Edgington: Yes, my loyal subject? Oh, we would be delighted if you would officiate the wedding for us.
- Magister: I am forbidden to conduct any rights of alignment unless specifically-...
- Russell Edgington: Unless specifically authorized to do so by the Authority. Yes, well, perhaps you have not quite grasped the subtext of our earlier exchange, but there's a new fucking authority in town!
- Magister: You realize, of course, the Authority will never recognize-...
- Russell Edgington: Its own irrelevancy? That's where you and I differ, Magister. I truly believe they will, and soon.
- [Smells his blood]
- Russell Edgington: Andalusia, the Iberian Peninsula. Mm. Later 9th century, no? Well, whatever. It's a long enough time for you to have outgrown your blind allegiance to the Authority and their rule of law. There is only one law: The law of nature, the survival of the fittest. And we need to take this world back from the humans, not placate them with billboards and PR campaigns while they destroy it. That is not authority. That is abdicating authority!
- Lorena: William. I love you.
- Sookie Stackhouse: [Before staking her] You wouldn't know love if it kicked you in the fangs!
- Jason Stackhouse: I'm just sweepin'.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: Where's your broom?
- Jason Stackhouse: ...That's a good point.
- Lorena: [after biting Sookie] No wonder Bill's drawn to you. You're delicious.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Fuck you!
- Lorena: I've never tasted anything like you. What are you?
- Sookie Stackhouse: I'm the bitch that's gonna kill you.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Hey, you remember that dealer that you took down last week at the bust?
- Jason Stackhouse: I just told you, it ain't gonna work. Reminding me of last week's glory ain't gonna change the fact that this week ain't done shit for me yet.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Well, you think they still got him down at the jail?
- Jason Stackhouse: I think so, yeah.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Well, why don't you go down there and talk to him? He's the best shot you got at getting answers about Crystal, and he's just sitting down there at the jail locked up waiting for you.
- Jason Stackhouse: [Leaps up, excited] That's genius is what that is! Oh, bubba. I knew you and me being roommates wasn't gonna suck forever.
- Summer: I baked biscuits. My great gram's recipe, still warm from the oven, butter churned by hand and home made strawberry preserves I picked myself from the church house garden.
- [Looks around the apartment]
- Summer: Hmm, This place could use some sprucing up, huh? What?
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Oh, no, nothing. I just wasn't expecting you, that's all.
- Summer: I know, and maybe I should have called first. But, Hoyt Fortenberry, I had the most amazing time with you the other night, and then yesterday, I sat by the phone waiting for you to call, and you didn't.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Yeah. I got off of work late, and I should have.
- Summer: Because I woke up this morning, it hit me. "Summer," I said, "why play games?" And then I decided that I was gonna declare my feelings for you, and let the chips fall where they may. And if you don't feel the same way about me, well, then that will be your loss. So here it goes. I like you, Hoyt. I wanna be your girlfriend, and I really want you to taste my biscuits.
- Tara Thornton: [about Bill] Sookie, let's go! He is dead!
- Sookie Stackhouse: [holding Lorena's entrails] No, he's not. This is what happens when a vampire dies.
- Summer: [Faux ominously] May I come in?
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Summer.
- Summer: I'm just kidding. I'm not a vampire like your last girlfriend.
- [Enters]
- Hoyt Fortenberry: ...Girlfriend?
- Sookie Stackhouse: [Loading Bill into the van] You got him?
- Tara Thornton: All the V I got in me is making me strong. Plus, the fucking fanger's lost a lot of weight in blood, so...
- Sookie Stackhouse: Is the V making you insensitive as well or is that just you?
- Tara Thornton: He left me for dead!
- Sookie Stackhouse: Well, two wrongs don't make a right!
- Jason Stackhouse: Just got all these questions spinning around in my head. I don't know what to do with them.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Like?
- Jason Stackhouse: Well, like why is it that I barely know her, but I already love her? And who the fuck is that dick she's living with? And why would someone like her put up with that shit? And also, do you think she's named after the champagne? Because I'm thinking she was.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: J, she's from Hotshot...
- Jason Stackhouse: Yeah.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: ...She's probably named after that drug that keeps the town afloat.
- Jason Stackhouse: No, no way.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: I'll bet you 100-to-1 her middle name's "Meth."
- Jason Stackhouse: Greetings, T-Dub. Remember me?
- T-Dub: Of course I do. You're the son of a bitch who put me in here.!
- Jason Stackhouse: I'm a cop.
- T-Dub: That's not what I hear.
- Jason Stackhouse: I'm *almost* a cop.
- Jason Stackhouse: It's for this dude who we got in lockup. He's got this information I need, but he'll only give it to me if I get him some meth.
- Lafayette Reynolds: Jason, no. I don't deal no fucking meth. And even if I did, I wouldn't sell the shit to you. And you ought to thank me for it.
- Jason Stackhouse: Goddamn it, Lafayette, I'm in love!
- Lafayette Reynolds: ...With the dude in jail?