Quotes

Annie: [Drunk on plane, pulls open curtains to coach after getting kicked out of first class] It's called civil *rights*. This is the '90s.

Ted: This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.

Helen's Stepson: I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.

Ted: I wouldn't want to make you explain what our relationship is to all those people. That would suck for you.

Rhodes: If I wasn't a cop anymore, I would still go out with a gun and shoot people.

Annie: This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: You're weird.

Annie: I'm not weird. OK?

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: Yes, you are.

Annie: No, I'm not! And you started it.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: No, you started it! Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning?

Annie: Oh, I feel bad for your parents.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: I feel bad for your face.

Annie: OK... well, call me when your boobs come in.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: You call me when yours come in.

Annie: What do you have, four boyfriends?

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: Exactly.

Annie: OK... yeah, have fun having a baby at your prom.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: You look like an old mop.

Annie: You know, you're not as popular as you think you are.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: I am very popular.

Annie: [sticks tongue in cheek and mimics fellatio] Oh, I'm sure you are... very... popular.

13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store: Well, you're an old, single loser who's never going to have any friends.

Annie: You're a little cunt!

Officer Nathan Rhodes: You're like the maid of dishonor.

Annie: What kind of a name is 'Stove' anyway?

Flight Attendant Steve: That's not a name. My name is Steve

Annie: Are you an appliance?

Flight Attendant Steve: No I am a man, and my name is Steve

Annie: You are a flight attendant.

Flight Attendant Steve: You are, absolutely accurate.

Megan: It looked into my goddamn soul.

Megan: This is some classy sh-...

[burp]

Megan: I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.

Helen: I went to Thailand recently with my husband, Perry, and there's a beautiful saying that I learned there.

[Speaking Thai]

Helen: It means, "You are a part of me, a part that I could never live without. And I hope and I pray that I never have to." Khob-kun-Ka

[Bows to the crowd]

Helen: khob-kun-Ka, khob-kun-Ka. And that's it for tonight! Thank you for coming!

Annie: [interjecting] Really quick!

Helen: Thank you all for coming. The dessert wine is out.

Annie: I just wanted to say really quick.

Helen: [calling out] Consuelo!

Annie: Really quick! Speaking of Consuelo, Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. And so, I would just like to say to you and to everyone here, "Gracias para vivar en la casa, en la escuelas, en... en la azul... "markada". Tienes con "bibir" en las Fortuashla?" and gracias!

Annie: You're really doing it, aren't ya? You're shitting in the street!

[repeated line]

Rhodes: Really?

Megan: It's coming out of me like lava!

Megan: I think I overcommitted with 9

[puppies]

Megan: , 6 is a comfortable number.

Annie: Are you fucking kidding me?

Annie's Mom: Annie?

Annie: No, mom. Mother fucking Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!

Lillian: Annie, calm down...

Annie: No, Lillian! What are you gonna go, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What are you gonna, you guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?

Becca: [quickly] I'm not.

Megan: I was.

Annie: Okay! Yes, we're all thinking it, right?

Annie's Mom: Annie...

Annie: Lillian, this is not the you that I know! The you that I know would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and would have thought that this was completely over the top, ridiculous, and stupid! Look at this shower! Look at that *fucking* cookie! Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie? Really, and you know that reminds me actually; I never got a chance to try that *fucking* cookie!

[storms off]

Annie: I'm sorry I didn't mean to waste your time... that's so embarrassing. Thank you.

Officer Nathan Rhodes: No, you are welcome.

[in a sarcastic tone]

Officer Nathan Rhodes: This is kind of high octane stuff that really made me want to become a cop. Missing girl found at her apartment... it's adrenaline pinching.

[awkward exchange of words]

Officer Nathan Rhodes: Anyway, go and save your friend from her apartment. Bye bye.

Brynn: [describing her free tattoo] It's a Mexican drinking worm. It's like a Native American symbol meaning wasted.

Helen: [Crying] Why are you smiling?

Annie: It's just... it's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly... and that makes me kind of happy.