Wayne: [Opening lines] Have you ever wondered how it all gets done? How Santa gets in and out of millions of homes all in one night? Let's just say he has a little help. The operation has its challenges, but we're always prepared. Our mission statement is: Get in. Get out. Never be noticed. I'm part of Prep and Landing, an elite unit of elves getting houses ready, around the world, for the big guy's arrival.
Magee: You'll like him. He graduated top of his class at Kringle Academy.
Lanny: [Trying to open door] A little help here?
Magee: It was a small class.
Lanny: [Repeated line] This is so tinsel!
Magee: Hi, Wayne. Aw, you lose a bet, sweetie?
Wayne: This is my celebration tie.
Magee: Wayne, you didn't get the promotion.
Magee: Peterson got it.
Wayne: My partner?
Wayne: So, no parking sticker?
Wayne: A Christmas special. That's nice. You want to watch it? You do?
Wayne: Oops! How about this one? You want to watch this one? I don't.
[Changes channel again]
Wayne: This one?
[Changes channel again]
Wayne: Oh, too bad.
Magee: Nothing will go wrong, nothing will go wrong, nothing will go wrong...
Mission control elf: Sir, there's a storm alert over Sector 7.
Magee: Oh, frostbite!
Magee: You're disappointed.
Wayne: Oh no. No! I'm glad for Peterson. What are you crazy? Because he was trained by me. I mean seriously are you crazy? I'm so glad the Big Guy notice him and not me. So there you go.
Lanny: Oh there he is. Great Garland! I heard Dasher had a cousin. But I always thought he was a myth!
Thrasher: I am a myth.
Thrasher: Tell anyone I exist, and you won't exist.
Wayne: [to a cookie shaped Santa] That's right I'm being naughty. Tell you buddy Peterson to put me on the list.
Timmy Terwelp: You're a lot smaller than Santa's helpers at the mall. Are you a baby elf?
Wayne: Uh - I am not a baby. I have a pension.
Lanny: What's wrong? Don't you even care?
Wayne: I've been working Prep and Landing for 227 years. Believe me, the thrill is gone.
Lanny: I thought you were *the* prep and landing guy, Wayne. But you're just a lump of coal.
Wayne: Yeah? Sometimes you don't get what you want.
Magee: 8 Maids-a-Milking this is Jingle Bell. Come in 8 Maids-a-Milking.
Dasher: [to himself] I really hate that callsign.
Dasher: Can barely hear you Jingle Bell. We are in soup!
Dancer: We're flying blind man. Tell her we're flying blind!
Lanny: B-b-but that means the Big Guy's passing us by. What about Timmy? What about his Christmas?
Wayne: [sighs] Well I, uh, I never meant that - *this* could happen.
Timmy Terwelp: [Dreaming of Christmas] This will be the best Christmas ever.
Wayne: Mageee, patch me through to the Big Guy.
Magee: Wayne, it's over.
Wayne: Patch me through or I'll tell everyone about you and Tiny!
Magee: Patching you throught.
The Big Guy: Oh, I'm afraid Magee's rerouting me son.
Wayne: Sir, there's a child here that's really excited for you. We cannot let him down! I can land you safely. I have a plan. And there is time. *Please* sir, let me do my job. I *can't* let Timmy down!
Dancer: How we going to make it through all this snow?
Dasher: Laughing all the way, my friend. Laughing all the way.
Wayne: Hey, you get a scratch on it and I'm putting you on the naughty list. Ha ha! Just kidding. But I could.
Wayne: [singing] Jingle bells / Wayne is swell / He's a director / Don't be late / For our date / Under the mistletoe!
Wayne: We are just tiny ornaments in a gigantic tree, slaving away. And for what?
Lanny: For what? For him. Just look at that face, Wayne. Just imagine his face when he wakes up tomorrow morning. Think of all the memories he'll pass on to his children, and his children's children. The passion may be gone for you, Wayne, but it's not gone for him.
Wayne: You'll learn, rookie.
The Big Guy: It's just a little snow, Magee. I can handle it.
Magee: It's not that, sir. The site's not prepped. We have no choice... Figgy Pudding.
The Big Guy: It's never come to that! What about Timmy?
Magee: With all due respect, sir, there are millions of other children counting on you. You can't let them down. We'll make it up to Timmy somehow, I promise.
Magee: Oh, yeah? Well, I have Santa for secret Santa this year. How am I going to pull that off?
Lanny: My name's Lanny, callsign Treeskirt.
Lanny: It's so excited working for you! I had a poster of you growing up! Talk about a Chrismtas miracle!
Magee: This is it, people! 364 days of planning, one night of perfect execution.