The Irate Gamer: Okay, now just wait a minute here. There are aliens in this game? What the shit? I thought I was fighting a terrorist war, now I'm fighting an alien war?
The Irate Gamer: It might also be a good idea to have a second player helping you out. I'll just get one of my friends to play. Hey, guys?
[shows stills of an empty hallway and a deserted office]
The Irate Gamer: Hello? Anyone? Maybe I should get some friends first.
The Irate Gamer: So why am I even fighting here? I guess there could be an explanation in the instructional manual, but the hell with that. Who ever reads those things anyway? I can't waste my time reading about a game, I just gotta play it!
The Irate Gamer: [entering 30-life code] Alright, let's do this. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start! Yes!
The Irate Gamer: Whoops, I should probably switch to the start up screen first.
The Irate Gamer: The guns. The guns were just awesome. Machine guns, laser guns, spray guns, guns I don't even know the name of. Hell yeah!
[cuts to a shot of IG superimposed over a scene in Contra firing a gun]
The Irate Gamer: Yeah, take that, you bitches!
The Irate Gamer: Who's bright idea was it to send only two men into enemy territory and face a shit storm of rogue terrorists by themselves? Just who the hell is commanding this operation? Gomer Pyle? Well gaw-lee!
The Irate Gamer: Dammit. What the hell, man? Cut it out.
The Wise Sage: Shut your pie hole, slowpoke.