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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

"Troll 2" at the Renaissance Fair

8/10
Author: JohnC09 from United States
27 November 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

When one chooses to watch "Journey to Promethea," with a poster featuring a sword-wielding, 45-year-old Billy Zane surrounded by hot babes and sweaty beefcakes, one should already be able to tell what he or she is getting into. There is nothing to suggest the presence of a well-crafted story, or decent acting, or interesting effects, or any level of professional film-making. All one should expect is a sword-wielding Billy Zane. And you're not going to get it! No, he never wields a sword, or even leaves his chair. But he does inexplicably - and literally - vanish into thin air at the end.

A generation that hails "Troll 2" as a cult favorite for unintentional hilarity shouldn't pass up a movie like this. You like bad acting? It's there. Massive plot holes? Check. Bizarre, unexplainable behavior by characters who appear and die off for seemingly no reason? Of course! If it amuses you to see just how amateurish, rushed, and entirely unnecessary a $2,000,000 movie can be, and if you can find a way to watch it entirely for free, then "Journey to Promethea" is worth your time.

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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Horrible film.

1/10
Author: professionalevan from United States
3 November 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The cover was actually the only key element that got me to rent this movie. I think the cover is better than the movie itself. The second it started I didn't like it. Bad angles, weird lighting, the wardrobe looked too clean cut, warrior armor looked fake, dialog wasn't right, and the extras looked like they didn't want to be there. This movie was completely "see thru" to me. Almost as if the production was meant more for a preschool Play rather than a full length film. The beginning was lame, the middle was lame, and the ending was lame. The actors with masks on looked like Halloween costumes that you might see at a theme park in October. I guess you can say the only thing that kept me some what interested was the hot females. Other than that, a complete waste of my time. I'm not mad at the actors/actresses because their just doing their jobs. I'm mad at the entire staff behind this film. Will never support a Dan Garcia movie ever again. Folks, you might be more entertained by watching a full length porn film from the 70's.

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1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:

A Class-A Stinker for All Time

1/10
Author: carmi47-1 from United States
21 March 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This alleged film is nothing less than a crime against humanity, an insult to the collective intelligence of the human race. At least I was able to watch it at no cost, as it's presently on the free movies feature from Comcast, at least in my city.

In an attempt to explain why this atrocity was ever put on film, I can only offer a few suggestions: 1) The supposed studio behind the film needed a tax deduction and made a film that was sure to lose them a bundle. That at least would explain the absurd claim of a $2 million budget. 2) Billy Zane needed some quick scratch to pay a traffic fine. 3) Billy Zane's career has tanked. 4) Billy Zane really ticked off somebody in Hollywood and this is the only work he can get nowadays. 4) Somebody had to grind out a film to graduate from a course at one of those basement tech schools.

This film features absurdly crisp, shiny new costumes on people who have supposedly been trekking through the woods nonstop for decades, never allowed to stop walking. If you look carefully at the end credits, you will see that most of the evil king's guards keep their helmets on b/c they play other roles, so we mustn't see their faces. Note too that about 90% of this nonsense was shot outdoors (otherwise known as free scenery). I thought the only convincing performance in the film was a blind fortuneteller, who mercifully won't suffer serious professional damage as she's on screen for all of 3 minutes.

You might also note that the cast of another recent Zane epic,"Darfur," overlaps considerably with that of "Promethea." I have not seen Darfur and as of right now, have no intention of doing so. Neither should you.

For the first time, Plan 9 from Outer Space has a serious rival for the distinction of Worst Film Ever Made.

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1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:

So bad its good

2/10
Author: NewEnglandCamper-945-454545 from United States
8 January 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I knew something was up when the movie started and the cast looked like they escaped from the King Richard's fair. All the costumes looked brand news too bright. Walmart Halloween clearance rack?? The only ones benefitting was the soldiers in the tacky helmets. They don't have to show their face in this movie.

What was going on with the filming? It was shaky in some areas. I think my son could do better with our home camcorder.

Overall, I agree with the last reviewer... watch it with good friends... its so bad that its good to make fun of! Tacky costumes (what's with the cape and tights?) and with the comically seductive but mindless women? Oh well, I only paid $1 for it at Redbox. LOL!

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1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:

One dollar to much

1/10
Author: ichirou1989 from United States
30 October 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I just finish watching this awful awful movie, and I must say, I want the hour and a half of my life back. I have seen some awful movies in my life time but this takes the cake, I personally saw this movie because red box had nothing else, and even one dollar was to much to pay for this movie. The movie begins watching a bunch of samirian's walking through the woods which they were sentenced to do for life, and most of them were extremely well dressed for people walking the woods for years, some with perfectly clean white shirts. It looked like they rounded up people at the renaissance fair and asked them to pose for a camera. the soldier's armor was all exactly the same and clean, even the weapons for every character were the same as if they ordered everything whole sale, these characters looked so unrealistic for the time era they were posing for, the make up on the deformed characters looked like they were wearing a cheep Halloween mask. the only good actor was the king but they did not nearly give him enough camera time, one character looked like a yoda wana be, and the only part worth my money was seeing the eye candy in the water half naked. Honestly 2 million dollars to pay for this movie is a joke, it felt like a budgeted porno film, I was waiting for the tacky music to turn on and the green midget to rip his robes off and start humping the princess. if you want to waist the plot left a lot to be desired and nothing in the movie made sense, they showed scenes at points were it should not of been and no one cared about, the one thing that brought me to this movie was the poster and the title which lead me to believe it was a high resolution mythology movie, but really its a bunch of geeks that made something maybe only worthy of youtube. I rate this a 1 and if I could a -10, nothing is worse than this movie, i would go to the point to sue for my one measly dollar back to help prevent this company from making any more movies like this one you have been warned, do not see this movie!

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Seriously? OMG!

2/10
Author: greyeagle52 from United States
11 August 2016

My first thoughts were shock at how clean the common folk clothes were: bright, clean...supposedly peasants! A descendant of a king gets beheaded. A prophecy is revealed his son will avenge his father. His son is thrown in the King's dungeon.

The king does nothing throughout the whole movie but sit on his throne surrounded by beautiful women in skimpy outfits. He has a jester telling horrible jokes, grimacing and finally getting killed by the king for his poor jokes.

The young boy to be king journey's through a forest and...there were serious spots in the movie but so unbelievable as to be comical on the lowest level. I watched the whole thing wondering how this was going to conclude. Instead of a final impressive battle we only get ...you'll have to see...the budget must have been a tad less than 5 bucks! Geeze! this movie was bad! LOL

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Obligated to watch.....

1/10
Author: Justin Haskell from United States
25 June 2016

My now wife and fellow cast members of the Louisiana Renaissance Festival are the 'citizens' at the beginning of this monstrosity. I had to watch it out of obligation to them at the time....... and it was bad. The best part of this film? The box cover lies about Billy Zane's role! He doesn't wear armor and fight! Instead he sits on his ass making dumb jokes about armies of children and mothers. The only times he leaves the throne are to 1) go to bed on the floor in front of it with his harem and 2) To die in the most ridiculous way possible. The effects are crap, the acting is mediocre, the costuming is alright, a lot of poor decisions made in editing. All in all a bad movie not even worthy of infamy like Troll 2 and The Room. Definitely a movie to skip.

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Nauseating Nonsense

1/10
Author: Jaded Jezebel from Australia
12 August 2014

This movie is so thoroughly ridiculous that you all need to be forewarned. I never ever leave a movie/ book without finishing it, but this thing that faintly resembles a movie is a complete waste of time. I made myself watch about 25 minutes of it and gave up. What was Billy Zane thinking? Has he taken up crack? It's the only explanation for this movie. It's about as good as home movies that live action role players make, you know the really nerdy ones that like a lot of swords, boobs and little plot. I sat through Sharknado - that movie is the kind of absurd that can be absorbed as pure comedy, but this... this makes that look like an Oscar nominee. My advice: just don't do it to yourself.

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Nothing good here at all

2/10
Author: Rebecca Bradeen from Boston, MA
3 July 2012

It was rather amazing how bad this was. It starts with a little set up of the prophecy and then you watch three groups of people wander around in the forest badly delivering poorly written and sometime completely nonsensical lines and then getting into poorly choreographed and boring sword fights. Add to that a thin unoriginal plot, some really bad affects and costumes that look like they were cobbled together from what they could find in their closets and you have something not worth watching. The quality of the acting, writing and film itself suggest that a bunch of friends walked into the local woods with a video camera. Billy Zane tried but he had nothing at all to work with.

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2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

Pluck out mine eyes and torment me no longer.

1/10
Author: kgbx-988-330954 from United States
29 May 2011

Bad acting, bad dialog,bad writing, bad directing, bad special effects, and bad musical score but other than that a good movie. The only saving grace is the queen's scantily clad Amazon guards. The male soldiers were armor but the ladies do not require much more than a loin cloth. This movie could not make up its mind whether to be soft core porn or a serious film and as a result it was neither. I have seen better acting in porn films as well as better plots. And what is with those fake British accents?

I cannot believe that someone had $200 million dollars just laying around that needed to be spent on this dog of a movie. Surely there are more worthy causes that could benefit from this money. Scholarships for clown college perhaps?

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