Karen Vick: Trying to do a performance review here, Mr. Spencer. I thank you not to bother us.
Shawn Spencer: Seems like a strange thing to thank me for, but you're welcome, of course.
Carlton Lassiter: [on the phone] Are you in my apartment?
Shawn Spencer: Please! I haven't snuck into your apartment in weeks. Which reminds me, we're all out of peanut butter.
Shawn Spencer: [to Mackintosh] I have a shot at redemption for you. For recognition. But it's going to be dangerous, and we're going to need Gus. Are you in? Wait, before you answer that... are you a fan of solving crimes?
Carlton Lassiter: Hello, Despereaux! Bet you're not too happy to see me right about now, are you?
Pierre Despereaux: I have absolutely no idea who you are.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, I gotta pee.
Shawn Spencer: I thought I told you to go back at the hotel.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I couldn't, I got freaked out. There were rose petals everywhere... even on the toilet. Why would they do that? It's weird!
Shawn Spencer: It's not weird. It's wonderful.
Shawn Spencer: [sees Lassiter's haircut] Lassie!
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wow.
Shawn Spencer: Is your hair starting its own cult?
Shawn Spencer: [describing his "psychic powers"] You've seen "The Mentalist", right?
Shawn Spencer: It's like that.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Except that guy's a fake.
Shawn Spencer: Right. If I was a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Exactly the same.
Shawn Spencer: A virtual carbon copy.
Shawn Spencer: Get your socks ready, Gus, cause I'm about to knock them off.
Carlton Lassiter: Can you believe that? A high-ranking member of U.S. law enforcement not being allowed to carry his weapon on him!
Juliet O'Hara: Did you really think it wouldn't set off the metal detector?
Carlton Lassiter: I've got to get my hands on a gun, O'Hara. I have enemies everywhere. Maybe I can pick one up at the hotel.
Juliet O'Hara: Oh, absolutely, right downstairs in the gift shop. They have Kleenex, mixed nuts, and 9-millimeter Lugers.
Shawn Spencer: [having a "vision"] I see a man... net. I see the painter... John Manet.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Edouard.
Shawn Spencer: Where in town might one find a...
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Edouard Manet?
Shawn Spencer: What he said.
Shawn Spencer: [talking his way into Despereaux's hotel room] I'm so sorry about this. It's my assistant makes all the reservations. She's been under heavy medication. She was recently diagnosed with Parvo.
Hotel Clerk: Well, isn't that a dog's disease?
Shawn Spencer: Yes. Yes, it is. My assistant is a golden retriever. Adorable, but dim. Her whole keyboard is just three big buttons. She has very large paws. Ah!
[takes his key]
Shawn Spencer: Should have fired her years ago, but she's a rescue and I just didn't have the heart.
Shawn Spencer: [on the phone] Gus! Guess where I am right now? I'm in Despereaux's room right now!... No, I'm not kidding... Yeah, I'm going to rifle through all of his stuff and then I'm totally going to pull a John Turturro from "Miller's Crossing". And then, we'll get some sundaes. I'm just going to sit here quietly, wait for him to get back, and then I'm going to click on the lamp and scare the gingersnaps out of him, *whaaaaaat*?... No, I don't remember how that movie ends. Why?
[Lights turn on; Shawn sees Despereaux sitting across from him]
Shawn Spencer: [on the phone] That's a... That's a negativo on the sundaes, buddy. I repeat, negative on the sundaes.
Shawn Spencer: Man, I thought you were so cool. But you're just here to look the part. This whole time, I'm thinking, "This guy is Thomas Crown!" You're barely Remington Steele. Which makes me, what, Laura Holt? You think a guy like me wants to be Stephanie Zimbalist?
Shawn Spencer: Maybe.
Shawn Spencer: But I have a point. It's this: I refuse to feel uncomfortable around you. It's silly. You mean too much to me. And... and I am perfectly capable of keeping this platonic as long as you are.
Juliet O'Hara: Oh, please! I can.
Shawn Spencer: I can, too.
Juliet O'Hara: Great.
[Juliet walks away]
Shawn Spencer: [to himself] But *how*?