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Monsters University (2013) Poster

Quotes

Dean Hardscrabble: It's my job to make great students greater, not make mediocre students less mediocre.

Johnny: Enjoy the attention while it lasts, boys. After you lose, no one will remember you.

Mike Wazowski: Maybe. But when you lose, no one will let you forget it.

Chet: Oh, boy. That is a good point.

[as the Oozmas are watching the Scare Floor at Monsters Inc. in order for Mike to show them what it takes to be Scarers, they soon get caught by the Security Guards with their flashlights]

Security Guard: Hey, what are you doing up there?

Art: [Panicking] I can't go back to jail!

Slug: I can't be late on the first day!

[Starts huffing and puffing as he crawls at a slow rate]

[Mike and Sulley are working in the mail room at Monsters Inc]

Yeti: Alright, newbies. Quit goofing around. I'll have you know that tampering with the mail is punishable by banishment.

Sulley: Yes Sir.

Mike Wazowski: We're right on it Mr. Snowman.

Young Mike: I found a nickel! Sure wish I had pockets.

Mike Wazowski: [Before the First Scare Games Challenge starts] Squishy. We're not gonna lose, because we have everything we need to win right here.

[points to his chest]

Squishy: [smiling] Heart.

Mike Wazowski: No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.

[Mike and Sulley are being escorted out of the door lab by the CDA after causing the door they went through to explode with the big scare]

Squishy: What's gonna happen to them?

Roz: That's for the university professor to decide, but I can assure you we'll always be watching these two. Always watching.

Mike Wazowski: Um, h... hello? Fella

[as he and Sully walk down the basement into a candlelit are, where O.K fraternity surround it, wearing black clocks]

Don: Do you, pledge your souls to the Oozma Kappa brotherhood.

Mike Wazowski: [Terri and Terry hit Mike with a cricket bat] OW!

Terry: Do you swear to keep secret.

Terri: All that you learn

Art: No matter, how horrifying.

Sulley: [Squishy hit Sulley with cricket bat] Hey!

Squishy: Will take the scared oath of the...

[initiation interrupted by someone, turning on the lights]

Don: For crying out loud.

Ms. Squibbles: Sweetie, turn the lights on when your down here. You're going ruin your eyes.

Squishy: MOM, WE'RE DOING AN INITIATION!

Ms. Squibbles: Oh Scary, well go on. Just pretend that I'm not here

[turns off half the lights, and walk downstairs to the washing machine]

Squishy: This is my mom's house. Do you promise to look out for your brothers?

[Mrs. Squibbles turns on the laundry dial loudly]

Squishy: No what the peril?

[Laundry machine runs noisily]

Squishy: ... WILL YOU DEFEND OOZMA KAPPA? NO MATTER HOW DANGEROUS?NO MATTER HOW INSURMOUNTABLE? THE ODDS MAYBE? FROM EVILS BOTH GREAT AND SMALL? IN THE FACE OF UNENDING PAIN AND... OH FORGET IT. You're in.

Greek Council VP: [Referring to a Purple Glowing Urchin] Trust me when I say you are not gonna want to touch this bad boy!

Art: I wanna touch it!

[On the First Morning in the Oozma Kappa Fraternity home, Mike's lips press against Sulley's hand, and Sulley falls off the bunk after the alarm goes off]

Sulley: What happened?

Mike Wazowski: Your paw was hanging out the Side of my Bed.

Mike Wazowski: Were you kissing my hand?

Mike Wazowski: [laughs] No! And what about you with all your shedding?

Sulley: I don't shed.

Mike Wazowski: Really?

[punches the mattress of the top bunk and Sulley's hair falls everywhere]

Sulley: You don't need to study scaring, you just do it.

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Sulley: I act scary, Mike. But most of the time, I'm terrified.

Mike Wazowski: How come you never told me that before?

Sulley: Because we weren't friends before.

Don: Want to join Oozma Kappa?

Squishy: We've got cake!

[a Big Monster walks by and eats the cake, every slice]

Don: Sherri and I are engaged.

Mike Wazowski: Who's Sherri?

Squishy: [Embarrased] She's my Mom.

Don: Don't worry Scott. I don't want you to think of me as your new dad. After all, we're fraternity brothers first.

Squishy: This is so weird.

Don: Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother. Wait, hold on, we're brothers who share the same mom slash wife.

Sulley: [to Mike, as he leaves the Campus] You're not scary. Not even a little bit. But you are fearless, and if Dean Hardscrabble can't see that, then she can just...

Dean Hardscrabble: [Interrupting] I can just... what? Careful, Mister Sullivan, I was just starting to warm up to you.

Sulley: ...sorry.

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Dean Hardscrabble: You two have managed to accomplish something together no one ever has: you surprised me.

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Dean Hardscrabble: [Sulley tells Dean Hardscrabble and Professor Knight of how he rigged the Scare Simulator] You did what?

Sulley: My team had nothing to do with it. It was all me. I cheated.

Dean Hardscrabble: I expect you off campus by tomorrow.

Sulley: [in dismay] Yes ma'am.

Dean Hardscrabble: You're a disgrace to this university... and your family name.

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Mike Wazowski: I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!

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Sulley: [On the Day of the Final Exam] I'm gonna wipe the floor with that little know-it-all.

Johnny: Yes you are.

[Takes Sulley's ROR Jacket]

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Mike Wazowski: My chances are just as good as yours

Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.

Mike Wazowski: Just wait, hotshot. I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.

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[after being humiliated from Sulley's performance during the Final Challenge in the Scare Games]

Randy: That's the last time I lose to you, Sullivan!

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Sulley: [Introducing himself] James P. Sullivan.

Mike Wazowski: Mike Wazowski.

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Professor Knight: Show me some slobber! Drool is a tool, kids. Use it!

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Dean Hardscrabble: Mr. Wazowski, what you lack simply cannot be taught. You're just not scary. And you too will not be continuing into the Scare Program.

Mike Wazowski: No No No, you've got it all wrong. Please, let me up onto the Simulator. I'll surprise you.

Dean Hardscrabble: Surprise me with what? I doubt that very much.

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[as Sully and Mikey leave to Compete in the Scare Games with the rest of their team]

Dean Hardscrabble: Good luck.

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[Frank McCay, right after doing his scare on the Scare Floor, is surprised to see Mike right behind him]

Frank McCay: That was real dangerous kid! I didn't even know you were in there. Good job!

[Gives Mike his MU Cap]

Mrs. Graves: What have you to say for yourself?

Young Mike: How do I become a Scarer?

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[Mike notices that his settings on the Scare Simulator had been set to the Lowest Difficult instead of the Highest like the others, which is how he was able to mysteriously make a Record Breaking Scare to successfully beat the RORs in the Final Challenge of the Scare Games]

Mike Wazowski: [shocked] It's been tampered with.

Sulley: Uh, I don't think you should be messing with that.

Mike Wazowski: Why are my settings... different?

Sulley: Mike, we should leave.

Mike Wazowski: Did you do this?

Sulley: Mike...

Mike Wazowski: [louder] Did you do this?

Sulley: [sighs] Yes I did. But... you don't understand...

Mike Wazowski: Why? Why did you do this?

Sulley: You know... just in case.

Mike Wazowski: [angrily] In case of what? You don't think I'm scary. You said you believed in me. But you're just like Hardscrabble, you're just like everyone else!

Sulley: Look, you'll get better and better...

Mike Wazowski: I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!

Sulley: I was just trying to help!

Mike Wazowski: No! You just wanted to help yourself!

Sulley: Well, what else was I supposed to do? Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?

[offended, Mike storms off. Nearby, their Teammates heard everything, and Squishy sadly places their trophy onto the ground]

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[In the human world, Sulley is able to find Mike sitting sadly by the Pond]

Sulley: Psst Mike. Look, I'm sorry I messed up. Now let's get you outta here.

Mike Wazowski: You were right. They weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone. And I thought... I thought that if I wanted it enough I could show everybody that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not.

[brushes his reflection away in the water]

Sulley: Look, Mike, I know how you feel.

Mike Wazowski: [angrily] Don't do that! Please don't do that! You do not know how I feel!

Sulley: Mike, calm down.

Mike Wazowski: Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good! You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!

Sulley: Mike!

Mike Wazowski: You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a Sullivan!

Sulley: Yeah I'm the Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan that flunked every test, the one who got kicked out of the program, the one who was so afraid to let everyone down that I cheated! And I lied!

Sulley: [sighs] Mike, I'll never know how you feel. But you're not the only failure here.

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[while trying to find someone to join his team for the Scare Games, Mike spots his Roommate Randy in the Crowd]

Randy: Excuse me. I'm running a little late.

Mike Wazowski: Thank Goodness, Randy. My Old Friend, I really need you to be in my team.

Randy: Sorry Mike. I'm already part of a team.

[Randy walks out of the crowd, revealing a ROR Jacket that he received after Sulley was kicked out of their team, much to Mike's shock]

Randy: They really liked my performance in the Final Exam, that they accepted me into their team.

Johnny: [Calling out] Hey Boggs, over here.

[Randy walks over to the Rest of the RORS]

Johnny: Do your thing.

[Randy turns invisible, leaving only his jacket visible]

Chet: Woah, where did he go?

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Dean Hardscrabble: Mr. Sullivan. I'm a Seven Year Old Boy...

[Sulley roars before Dean Hardscrabble can finish]

Dean Hardscrabble: I wasn't finished.

Sulley: I don't need to be told that stuff.

Dean Hardscrabble: May I remind you that this boy is afraid of Snakes. And that a Roar would not make him Scream, but instead make him cry, and alert his Parents. Now we can't have that. So I cannot wish for you to continue into the Scare Program.

Sulley: [confused] But, I'm a Sullivan.

Dean Hardscrabble: Well then, I'm sure your family would be very disappointed.

[Johnny and the Rest of the RORs, having been watching nearby, leave the gallery, taking Sulley's ROR Jacket with him]

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Terry: [as the First Challenge of the Scare Games is about to start] Good luck, ladies.

PNK Carrie: Thanks! We're gonna rip you to pieces!

[She and the her Teammates hiss at Mike's Team with their Eyes Glowing Red]

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Sulley: We need to find a New Team.

Mike Wazowski: We can't just get a new team! I checked this morning, it's against the rules.

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[after Dean Hardscrabble tells Mike that his team is short one person to compete in The Scare Games]

Mike Wazowski: But, you need six guys right?

Greek Council VP: We count Bodies, not Heads.

[Pointing at Terri & Terry]

Greek Council VP: That Dude counts as One.

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[Mike and Sulley have managed to successfully catch Fear Tech's Mascot, Archie the Scare Pig, after chasing him across the Campus]

Sulley: Fear Tech's Mascot. MU RULES!

[Sulley lifts Mike and the Pig up into the air to show his Victory to the Other Students on Campus]

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[Dean Hardscrabble has turned off the door to the Human World that Mike and Sulley went into, before they could even get back out]

Don: They're still in there.

Dean Hardscrabble: Until the CDA arrives, this door stays off.

Squishy: *No*! You can't do this.

[he and the others begin to walk over, only to be held back]

Dean Hardscrabble: [Raising her wings] ENOUGH! I WANT THIS ROOM CLEARED NOW!

[Everyone begins to back away out of the room slowly]

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[the Slug from the start of the film finally makes it to Class]

Slug: [Exhausted] Thank Goodness. I made it. First Day of Class.

[Noticing no-one there but a Janitor]

Slug: Hey, where did everyone go?

Janitor: The School Year's over kid. You *missed* it.

[the Slug behind to leave the room, once again at a Slow Rate]

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Don: [to Reggie from the RORs during the Final Challenge of the Scare Games] Thanks for taking it Easy on Grandpa!

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[Mike hasn't had luck finding someone to join his team, to make it Full to Compete in the Scare Games and get back into the Scaring Program]

Greek Council President: This doesn't look good. We really need to move on, so it looks like your team doesn't Qualify.

Sulley: Yes it Does.

[Climbs onto of a Nearby Vehicle]

Sulley: The Star Player, has just arrived.

Mike Wazowski: [Surprised] No No No. Please, anybody but him.

Greek Council President: [Losing her Patience] Look, we're shutting down Sign Ups. So is he on your team or not?

[Mike, aware that he signed up at the Last Minute, knows he hasn't got much a choice, seeing that no-one else is interested in joining his team, and he's really determined to get into the Scare Games to prove Dean Hardscrabble that he and his team really are scary. Sulley points at him and winks]

Mike Wazowski: Fine, yes he is.

[the Crowd starts to cheer, with the Scare Games about to start]

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[Mike has received his Student ID Card, though it only shows the Top of his Head]

Mike Wazowski: I can't believe it.

Mike Wazowski: [Out Loud] I'm Officially a COLLEGE STUDENT!

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[Sulley begins to feel bad about Rigging the Scare Simulator in the Final Challenge of the Scare Games. He walks sadly across Campus, carrying the Trophy that his team received, feeling sorry for Mike]

Professor Knight: [Walking by] Mr. Sullivan. Great job out there. Look forward to having you back in my Class.

[Sulley is then approached by the RORs, apart from Randy, who'd presumably been kicked off the team after they lost]

Johnny: You did great out there Sullivan. I guess I was wrong about you. You're one of us after all.

[Johnny hands Sulley Randy's ROR Jacket. He then spots Dean Hardscrabble up ahead talking to Professor Knight. Sulley hands both the ROR Jacket and the trophy to Johnny and runs up to Dean Hardscrabble]

Johnny: Where are you going?

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[From the Teaser Trailer, Mike walks out of his dorm with Silver Plates glued to him, with other Monsters Partying outside]

Mike Wazowski: [laughs] OK. Very Funny Sullivan.

Sulley: You look great Wazowski!

Mike Wazowski: You know, if you're gonna prank someone. The least you can do is think of something clever.

[Sulley switches off the lights, and Mike begins to shine like a Crystal Ball as all the Other Monsters begin to party]

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[as Mike and Sulley exit their Oozma Kappa Bedroom at the same time after waking up, they fall over, and Squishy suddenly snaps a photo of them]

Squishy: First morning in the house.

Art: That's going in the Album.

Don: [Arriving with a Scare Games Letter] Guys, it's arrived, our first challenge.

[Mike struggles to pull it off him]

Don: Sorry, Tentacles. Kinda Sticky.

[Mike reads the envelope]

Mike Wazowski: Wait a minute. They want us to meet where?

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[In the First Challenge of the Scare Games, Mike and Sulley arrive badly stung from the Glowing Purple Urchins at the finish line, just behind the RORs]

Chet: Wait a blow Oozma Kappa!

Mike Wazowski: C'mon Guys. 2nd Place can't be that bad.

Greek Council VP: [Jaws Theta Chi arrive behind them, unharmed] 2nd Place, Jaws Theta Chi.

Mike Wazowski: *What*?

Johnny: Your whole team has to cross the finish line.

Greek Council VP: 3rd, Slugma Slugma Kappa. 4th, Python Nu Kappa. 5th, Eta Hiss Hiss. And in Last Place...

[the Rest of Mike and Sulley's Team arrive, very badly stung from the Urchins than they are]

Greek Council VP: Oozma Kappa!

Greek Council President: [Removing Oozma Kappa's name from the Leaderboard] Oozma Kappa have been eliminated!

[Dean Hardscrabble approaches a surprised and upset Mike, smiling]

Dean Hardscrabble: Don't look surprised Mr. Wazowski. It would've taken your team more than a miracle to win.

Greek Council VP: Attention everyone, we have an announcement. Jaws Theta Chi have been disqualified.

[Holds up a tin of Protective Gel that they've been using]

Greek Council VP: The use of Illegal Protective Gel, is the cause for elimination.

Big Red: [as referees remove the Protective Gel from him] Hey what are you doing, it's moisture.

[the referee stabs Big Red's arm with an Urchin, causing it to swell up like a balloon, with Big Red screaming in pain]

Greek Council VP: [Removing Jaws Theta Chi from the Leaderboard and adding Oozma Kappa back on] It's a Miracle, Oozma Kappa are back in the games. Only 1 team can go after each challenge.

Dean Hardscrabble: Your luck will run out eventually.

[Walks away]

Mike Wazowski: This is gonna be harder than I thought.

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[Sulley rushes to the Door Making Lab, where Dean Hardscrabble is with some Campus Security Guards]

Dean Hardscrabble: No-one is to go near this door until the Child Detection Agency has arrived.

Squishy: [Sulley gets approached by the Rest of his Team] James wait, we can help.

Sulley: Look, it's my fault Mike got into this, so it's up to me to get him out of it.

Don: Allow me.

[Walks up to to Dean Hardscrabble and the Security Guards]

Don: Hi there. Don Carlton, Sales Person. This is my Business Card.

Dean Hardscrabble: Arrest him.

[the Security Guards press Don up against the wall, allowing the coast to be clear for Sulley to get to the door]

MU Security Guard: [to Don] Up against the wall *Pops*.

Dean Hardscrabble: [Noticing Sulley] Sullivan, don't you dare.

[desperate, Sully enters the door that Mike went through into the Human World]

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[In the 2nd Challenge of the Scare Games set in the Campus Library, Mike's Team and Slugma Slugma Kappa are the only ones left to obtain their Team Flags at the end of the Library Corridor hanging on a Statue]

Greek Council VP: In a real scare, you wouldn't wanna get get by the Kid's Parents, but in this challenge, you wouldn't wanna get caught by...

Greek Council VP: [Whispering] The Librarian.

Librarian: [At her desk] Shh, Quiet.

Terry: What's so scary about a Lame Old Librarian?

[a Blue Monster nearby whose not part of any of the teams accidentally creaks on a Floor Board, sending the 50ft Librarian over, grabbing him with one of her Massive Tentacles]

Librarian: [More Menacingly, staring the Monster in the eyes] I said *Quiet*.

[the Librarian sends the Terrified Monster out the window, and into a nearby river]

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[In the Teaser, having roped Mike with the Small Mirrors glued to him to a fan]

Sulley: I Love College.

[Snaps Photo of Mike as he slowly circles the room like a Disco Ball]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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