Winnie the Pooh (2011)
Owl: Yes, well, the thing to do is as follows: First, issue a reward...
Owl: I beg your pardon?
Pooh: Well, you sneezed just as you were going to tell me what the first thing to do was.
Owl: I didn't sneeze.
Eeyore: Oh, you did, Owl.
Owl: No, I didn't! You can't sneeze without knowing it!
Pooh: Well, you can't know it without something haven't been sneezed.
Owl: As I was saying, first: issue a reward...
Pooh: [to Eeyore] He's doing it again. You must be catching a cold.
Eeyore: [gloomily] I'll probably catch it too.
Owl: [frustrated] No, no, no! I'm not catching a cold! The word is issue, not ah-choo! And ah-choo isn't even a word! It's just some sort of sneezy sound, like Ah-choo!.
Pooh: Perhaps you should lie down, Owl.
[hits himself on the forehead and falls over backwards]
Piglet: [Pooh, Rabbit, Owl, Eeyore, Kanga and Roo are trapped in a hole and Piglet gets a rope - only to cut it up into six pieces] And six! There! Now we can ALL get out!
Pooh: How very thoughtful you are, Piglet.
Rabbit: [loses patience] Good grief! Tie them together, Piglet! Can you tie a knot?
Piglet: I cannot.
Rabbit: Ah, so you CAN knot.
Piglet: No. I cannot knot.
Rabbit: [in disbelief] Not knot?
Pooh: Who's there?
Pooh: Pooh who?
Rabbit: No! Pooh... eh... Piglet, you'll need more than two knots.
Piglet: Not possible.
Owl: Ah, so it IS possible to knot those pieces.
Piglet: Not these pieces!
Pooh: Yes. Knot those pieces.
Piglet: Why not?
Eeyore: 'Cause it's all for naught.
Tigger: [after he pounced the balloon] Consider yourself pounced.
Roo: Tell us more about what Backsons do.
Tigger: Yes, more about what Backsons do.
Owl: More about what Backsons do? Why don't we hear some thoughts from you?
Tigger: Maybe they make you sleep too late.
Owl: Yes, yes! That's good, that's great!
Eeyore: I bet they're the reason my tail is gone.
Owl: You're on a roll. Go on, go on!
Rabbit: They muddy up your tidy house.
Piglet: Tney make you feel as small as a mouse.
Roo: They break your crayons.
Rabbit: They spill your tea!
Kanga: They wake up babies at one and three.
Eeyore: They made me catch the cold I caught.
Pooh: They made me lose my train of thought.
Tigger: They swipe your stripes.
Piglet: They clog your pipes.
Rabbit: They dig up your garden.
Eeyore: They won't beg your pardon.
Pooh: They eat your snacks.
Piglet: They won't relax!
Rabbit: They chip your tooth!
Kanga: They steal your youth!
Owl: And now you know the horrible truth!
Pooh: Have you ever had one of those days when you just can't win, Eeyore?
Eeyore: Yup, I know how that feels.
[Pooh has just fallen into the trap he and Piglet set up, trying to get a honey pot]
Pooh: Oh, hello.
Piglet: [shaking head, amused] Oh, Pooh, you went back for the honey, didn't you? But I told you the pot was empty.
Pooh: Well, I believed you, but my tummy had to check for itself.
Owl: Artistic talent runs through my family. In fact, it practically stampedes.
[Tigger bounces Pooh]
Pooh: A simple "Hello" would do, thank you very much.
Narrator: [as Pooh is having honey hallucinations] As Pooh watched the honey honey away, his honey honey honey honey...
Narrator: As the others searched for a tail, Pooh realized that a pine cone would not win him the honey.
Pooh: Why not?
Narrator: Because it would have to be something special.
Pooh: Oh. Special, you say. Special. Think, think, think...
Narrator: No hurry, Pooh. Just take your time.
Pooh: Take my time. What a wonderful idea!
Pooh: Perhaps I could borrow some honey.
[Pooh's stomach growls]
Pooh: Just a taste. A small lick I should think.
Christopher Robin: Silly old bear.
[Pooh, Rabbit, Owl, Eeyore, Kanga and Roo are trapped in a hole, while Piglet is outside of the hole]
Rabbit: [to Piglet] Go look for something to get us out of here!
Piglet: [hiding under a teacup] B-b-b-b-b-b-but-okay. There m-m-m-might be something over by the pack.
Rabbit: [sighs] Thank goodness one of us is up there. I was worried we'd be stuck here forever.
Piglet: I found something!
[comes back with a flower]
Pooh: Ooh, well, that's a lovely flower, Piglet.
Piglet: Yeah, I thought so, too.
Rabbit: Yes, Piglet, it-it's very nice... perennial. But I think we need something *longer*.
Piglet: Longer? Of course. How silly of me.
[giggles, leaves again and comes back with a big book]
Rabbit: Oh, good thought, Piglet. But you can't possibly think that that's long enough.
Piglet: Oh, yes, it is. Uh, Owl read this to me once and it was certainly the longest thing I'VE ever heard.
[the book falls into the hole and lands on Pooh's head]
Pooh: It's true, Rabbit. It lags a bit in the middle.
Pooh: [singing] 'Cause everything is honey, there's a honey Pooh / He's just made of honey so I guess I'll eat him too.
[He bites the honey Pooh's head off]
Pooh: [to his tummy] Sounds like you're going to be mighty feisty today.
Rabbit: [believing they've caught The Backson] Now that we have him. Owl, you can go and get Christopher Robin back.
Owl: No, no I'm far to important to put myself in that predicament. Kanga, off you go.
Kanga: Oh,no, no, no, no, no.
Kanga: [holds up Roo] I'm with child.
Roo: Send the pig!
Tigger: [after opening the window of Owl's door that hits Rabbit in the face] THE BACKSON? CAPTURED BY THE BACKSON! What's a Backson?
Narrator: This could be the room of any small boy, but in fact, it's not. It is the room of one young boy in particular named Christopher Robin. Now, Christopher Robin has a very active imagination, not to mention the uncanny ability to collect things. Big things, small things, sticky things... but his favorite things are his stuffed animals. Ah, there they are now. A charming and eccentric cast of characters. And his best friend among them is a bear named Winnie the Pooh, or Pooh for short. Together, they have many unusual adventures, that all happened right here in the Hundred Acre Wood.
Pooh: [singing] A Pooh Bear takes care of his tummy / He fills it with things that are sweet / A Pooh Bear takes care of his tummy / By never forgetting to eat / When it is growly and glummy / A search for the honey is on / The Pooh has a knack / For finding a snack / Unless all the honey is... gone?
Pooh: A Pooh Bear takes care of his tummy / No need for the tummy to fret / A Pooh Bear takes care of his tummy / He knows what his tummy must get / Don't worry, my round little chummy / I'm hearing your ravenous plea / When there is no honey / The Pooh takes the tummy / Wherever the honey will be / My friends are out there / With honey to spare / And they will take care of my tummy and me!
Tigger: It's a dangerous path I bounce, but I bounce it alone. Because the Hundred Acre Wood needs a hero, Pooh Bear, and I'm the only one.
Tigger: Oh, I'm bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy / Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! / But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that I'm the only one / I'm the only one! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Owl: [describing the Backson] It's a giant creature with a tail / Here, I'll draw Piglet in for scale / Its hide is like a shaggy rug / Its face a surly, ugly mug / With two sharp horns atop its head / Between, a mop of hair that's red! / And in its nose a ring of gold / It smells of monkey's feet and mold / Its toes are black, its fur is blue / I swear that all I tell you is not made up / The Backson!
All: The Backson!
Owl: The Backson!
All: The Backson? Oh, no!
Pooh: But Owl, what does a Backson do?
All: Yes, Owl, what does a Backson do?
Owl: Hmm, what does a Backson do? I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, and now I will tell you! They sneak into your library and scribble in all your books!
All: The Backson! The Backson! We don't like the Backson!
Owl: When decorating your Christmas tree, they tangle up all the hooks!
All: The Backson! The Backson! We're afraid of the Backson!
Owl: They spoil your milk, they stop all the clocks / They use their horns to put holes in your socks!
All: The Backson's the one who's been putting holes in our socks!
Piglet: [Standing on an improvised teeter-totter] Pooh, are you sure this is going to work?
Pooh: Of course, Piglet. Once I get you up in the tree, just hand me the beehive. And then tummy and I will take care of the rest, won't we?
Piglet: Okay, Pooh. I guess you thought this through.
Pooh: Oh, yes, Piglet. Indeed I have.
[He jumps on the teeter-totter, sending Piglet up into the beehive]
Pooh: Oh, bother. I don't remember thinking that through.
Piglet: Um, I'm sorry I messed up the plan, Pooh.
Pooh: Oh, don't worry, Piglet. I shall get you out and we'll try again.
[Walks up the teeter-totter, but it goes down and Pooh can't reach Piglet]
Pooh: Oh, it's no use. Think, think, think. Ah, I know! I'll have you down in just a moment, Piglet.
Piglet: No hurry, Pooh. The bees are quite gentle, as long as there's no sudden movement.
[Pooh hits beehive with stick]
Piglet: Aah! Oh, oh my! Pooh, are you sure that's a good idea?
Pooh: Oh, yes, Piglet.
[hits beehive again]
Pooh: I'm quite sure.
[continues hitting beehive]
Piglet: Well, you know best, Pooh.
[Pooh continues hitting until the hive falls]
Piglet: Ah! Ow!
Pooh: Oh! There you are.
[the bees swarm out]
Pooh: Oops. New plan, Piglet. Run!
Backson: [Enters stomping until he spots the trail of objects] Wow! It's amazing what you can find in the woods. A marble! And a boot!
[Picks up blackboard with picture of Backson]
Backson: And oh, my, that's a scary looking fella. Gosh, maybe these are his things. You know, I better pick 'em up so they won't get broken. That's the last thing I would want.
[Falls in pit]
Backson: Whoa! Oh, my gosh! Is this a pit? I think I'm in a pit! Hello! Anybody up there? Oh, well. I hope that fella will be back soon.
Narrator: Just then, Pooh spotted a note.
Pooh: I did?
Narrator: Certainly, just there at your feet.
Narrator: Uh, to your left. Uh, no, Pooh. To your other left. A little bit more. A tad. A hair. No, no, back a bit.
Pooh: [sees note] Oh!
Narrator: There you are.
Pooh: Well, it's a good thing I noticed it. Othewise, I wouldn't have seen it.
Roo: I know. Christopher Robin has a jump rope.
Rabbit: Wait a minute. My gracious, that's it! Piglet, go to Christopher Robin's house.
Pooh: Oh, I see. Yes, Piglet, go and bring some honey.
Rabbit: Yes, bring some honey... Doh! The jump rope, Piglet, the jump rope!
Pooh: With a little honey on the side.
Piglet: You mean all by myself? Through there?
Owl: [Flies out of the pit to Piglet] Yes, Piglet. Through a dark wood fraught with peril, on a mission of life or death. It is a task of great complexity, but I have full confidence that you shall return victorious and rescue us from the abyss. Go forth, Piglet, and we shall await your return, for weeks if necessary.
[Flies back down, as everyone looks astonished]
Rabbit: I can't believe... how wonderful that speech was!
Pooh: I can't, either.
Eeyore: Moved me to tears.
Tigger: Tigger Two? I thought the Backson got you. As soon as we get out of here, we're gonna show that Backson what Tiggers are made of, aren't we?
Eeyore: Thanks, but I'd rather stay an Eeyore.
Tigger: What? But what about all the bouncing, and - and the trouncing, and the mixing it up? I thought you liked being a Tigger.
Eeyore: The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is you're the only one.
Tigger: Aw, shucks. I'm speechless.
Narrator: Pooh left feeling unsatisfied and a little out of sorts. In fact, he was so distracted by his rumbly tummy that he didn't notice that he was walking onto the next paragraph.
Pooh: What is a paragraph?
Narrator: It's a group of sentences that form a complete thought.
Pooh: Is there honey in this paragraph?
Narrator: Oh, sorry, Pooh, no.
Pooh: Well then, I don't find it very useful.
Piglet: [him and ballon are sat on by Tigger] I c-c-cant b-b-b-breathe.
[picks Piglet and balloon up]
Tigger: Sorry about that little guy, didn't mean to scare you like that.
Christopher Robin: You know Pooh you did a very important thing today.
Pooh: I did?
Christopher Robin: Well yes. Instead of thinking of your tummy you thought of your friend.
Pooh: Oh thank you Christopher Robin. And now i don't think i shall be hungry again for a good long while.
Additional Voices: Growling sound
Pooh: Oh bother.
Christopher Robin: Silly old Bear.