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"Midsomer Murders" Secrets and Spies (TV Episode 2009) Poster

(TV Series)

(2009)

Quotes

[Glen Jarvis has just refused, very ungraciously, Barnaby's offer of advice on the security of Allenby House]

Sir Malcolm Frazer: Is it illegal to strangle nasty little weasels?

D.C.I. Barnaby: I think it's actively encouraged, isn't it, sir?

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Brenda Packard: You should have stuck with us, Tom. Your life would have been equally fruitless.

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[first lines]

Young Jimmy Wells: Schnell! Machst du schnell!

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[last lines]

Brenda Packard: Your chappie's in trouble.

D.C.I. Barnaby: Yeah. What a shame.

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[to Jones, having been chosen to be the umpire in an upcoming cricket game]

D.C.I. Barnaby: There are 42 basic areas in cricket rules. And they are split into numbered sub-headings, which produce thousands, thousands of sub-sub-clauses. I will never forgive you for this.

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[Jones' team is losing in a game Barnaby is umpiring]

DS Ben Jones: Whose side are you on, sir?

D.C.I. Barnaby: Same as always, Jones; the side of decency, justice and the American way.

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DS Ben Jones: They're all stalling.

D.C.I. Barnaby: Yeah. So let us insert some ginger into the appropriate orifices and see if we can make the horses dance.

DS Ben Jones: [Not comprehending the metaphor] What?

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D.C.I. Barnaby: [to Jones] We're going to have to squeeze the fruit further up the food chain.

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Joyce Barnaby: [to herself about Tom's returning to the case] Thank God for small murders!

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D.C.I. Barnaby: [to Joyce on his role as cricket umpire] I enjoy the job playing God in a limited universe.

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Brenda Packard: [to Barmaby about her role in MI6] ... I am the left hand that doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

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D.C.I. Barnaby: [Frustrated about restrictions put on him by the chief constable] I can't even speak to the sodding suspcts. I am banned from the crime scene.

Joyce Barnaby: So think laterally.

D.C.I. Barnaby: What does that mean?

Joyce Barnaby: I don't know. You're the one who's always telling me to do it.

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Brenda Packard: [Referring to MI6] We always win, Tom. You lot think you have the power, but we're the real bullies in the playground. Sorry.

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D.C.I. Barnaby: [DCI Tom Barnaby notices his wife Joyce Barnaby reading a spy novel about MI6] I was a spook once.

Joyce Barnaby: You were not!

D.C.I. Barnaby: I was. When I graduated from Brown's Hill, they asked me to join MI6.

Joyce Barnaby: Why?

D.C.I. Barnaby: 'Cause I spoke Russian.

Joyce Barnaby: But you don't speak Russian.

D.C.I. Barnaby: No, they got the wrong person; they really wanted Brenda Packard.

Joyce Barnaby: Brenda? In RWI? Grows big vegetables?

D.C.I. Barnaby: That's the chap! She's been with MI6 for years.

Joyce Barnaby: Goodness...

D.C.I. Barnaby: I tried it for a few months. Security Officer Grade Seven! Drank gallons of weak tea and, uh, played cricket in the corridors.

Joyce Barnaby: You never told me any of this!

D.C.I. Barnaby: Well no, Joyce. Secret, isn't it?

[DCI Tom Barnaby returns to reading his book as Joyce Barnaby looks on in astonishment]

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DS Ben Jones: They're all stalling.

D.C.I. Barnaby: Yeah. So let's insert some Ninja into the appropriate orifices... and see if we can make the horses dance.

DS Ben Jones: What?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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