Battleship (2012) Poster


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chicken burrito and kentucky fried chicken
mmxool27 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
This is my first ever review on IMDb and after watching this movie a few hours ago I was compelled to register on IMDb so I could play the Battleship guessing game with you (similar to the original Battleship, only that it's not).

Q1: How does a radio telescopes work? Do they

A - Detect and collect data on radio sources

B - Shoot some type of visible light laser beam to another solar system in the hope to communicate with aliens?

Answer: B - It's hard for someone to imagine how a signal is sent.

Q2: What would be the best way for an alien ship to travel once on earth?

A - Fly

B - Hop on the water (in one direction) like a cross between a water strider and a frog

Answer: B - Also staying true to their weapons system which only work line of sight.

Q3: Once the alien destruction robots are launched to attack and weaken the human defense, do they

A - Destroy 20 unarmed helicopters

B - Ruin a field where kids are playing baseball

C - Destroy the only remaining docked Battleship equipped with Harpoon and Tomahawk missiles

D - Attack some concrete pillars holding up a section of a freeway

Answer: A,B,D - Who would ever think that the USS Missouri had a better chance of attacking the aliens as opposed to a freeway.

Q4: Your a bad-ass alien who traveled ten's of light years to take over another planet, what do you bring as a personal weapon?

A - A ray guy than can evaporate anything in sight

B - Any other type of projectile weapon

C - A knife that looks like a screwdriver

Answer: C - The only weakness being that it takes this weapon 20 seconds to warm up, giving a double leg amputee enough time to walk up to the armored alien kick-box it in the head and take off it's helmet.

Q5: The humans have fired a tomahawk missile at your alien ship. What do you do?

A - Try to shoot it down with your own weapons

B - Try to maneuver your ship out of the way

C - Have your alien ship hop directly into the missile

Answer: C - Oh yes that's right the alien ship is only equipped with grenades and it can only move in the direction it is facing.

Q6: Your building an alien war ship that will be used to take over a planet. What material do you use to protect the bridge?

A - A type of super strong metal

B - Glass

Answer: B - Taking over a planet is not so easy when a few sniper rifle rounds breaches the hull on the bridge and kills the alien commander.

If you got 0% then watch the trailer and save yourself from having your intelligence insulted.

If you got above 1% then steal a chicken burrito, become captain of the navy in a few years and save the planet from an alien invasion by taking commands from an officer 20 ranks below you.
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Why did I watch this Hollywood movie?
Tobias Westman12 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
The characters: Mostly douches with bad lines.

The story: Aliens invade, their ships are clumsy and weird and jump on water. America (and to a lesser, lesser extent Japan saves the world). There are moments when you wish you could unsee the tacky ways they (the movie makers) try to make heroes and bad-asses of certain people. Most notably the old sailors on the USS Missouri which are posed (yes, really posed!) everywhere, high and low in an awkward way that just makes you wanna squirm and throw up a little bit.

The aliens: At first you think: "This alien race seems really noble." Second thought: "I hope the aliens win, I hate the characters in this movie so much!" Third thought: "Huh, so the aliens aren't noble, they're just stupid. And they seem a bit evil according to the unoriginal flashback John Carter got but... I'm still rooting for the aliens! Go aliens, exterminate this movie-verse!!"

The sum: Why did I watch this movie with awkward characters, unlikable at best. Silly plot with horribly pushed tie-ins to the battleship game. Plain dumb aliens. In-your-face product placement (Cola Zero, LG, Subway and probably some more). Why? I was really, really bored. And now I've lost faith in Hollywood movie making. It's not better then Transformers, It's just as bad.

If your over 10 years old: Don't watch this. If you 10 or younger: Don't watch this.

Hollywood needs to learn that they can't push this crap from the toilet to the big screen anymore!
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Definition of a guilty pleasure
Heaven help me! I liked this movie, now I am going to be one of the few who did. As you can see from the other reviews a lot of people didn't like this movie, so why did I?

1. I came in with low expectations - I was expecting something horrible, boring, long and pointless, but despite myself I liked it, I laughed at the jokes, I connected with the actors (yes, Rihanna too), I was excited by the action and while clichés the plot held my interest

2. The actors did a good job with what they were given - Taylor Kitsch did a good job, Rihanna wasn't that bad, I dare say good, in her role. She was there, she didn't try to chew the scenery, she did her job as an actor/secondary character and it didn't bother me. I give her kudos

3. lost in translation? - you try to make a game into a movie and you want to put parts of them game in it? Not easy, a little cheesy? Of course, but fun? Yes, fun, enjoyable, and in the end it was a part of the story that wasn't as forced as it could have been.

So in conclusion, "Battleship" is a fun, corny, typical summer movie that I like but as you see a lot of people didn't. I think it is a guilty pleasure, something to be enjoyed by the few but annoyed by the rest. In the end I can only suggest this - go in with low expectations, expect a little over the top patriotism like in "Act of Valor" ( but not so heavy), and don't think about it. The movie is not without its flaws or questionable logic, but as it was said so well in another movie - "I suggest you don't think about it and just enjoy the ride"
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What "Battle LA" could have been.
gonzoville1 June 2012
OK, first of all, yes, this movie has more holes than the surface of the moon. Some of the plot points, tactics, technical gaffes, etc. etc. etc. are so bad and stupid as the be insulting. Seriously, if you are up on your military technology at all it's best to go to this movie seriously drunk so that you won't care about the dumbness.

That said, it's actually a pretty fun movie. And, yes, I think it's better than Battle Los Angeles or even the latest Transformers. Why? Because this movie didn't make the same critical mistakes of trying to have Acting in the damn film. Nothing slows down a good action flick like a damn love story in the background, or the hero dealing with his feelings or, worse still, putting brats in the line of fire. Battleship had none of that - just a bunch of thick-headed do- gooders doing what they do best and not really learning a whole lot about anything, including themselves, in the process.

Another thing I like is that there is an appreciation for the warships and the people who serve on them. The timing of the ACDC music for the going-into-battle scene is perfectly done. You can't help but smile.

The alien technology is actually pretty imaginative and the animation is good. It's not as over- the-top as Battle LA - where there was so much going on you get overwhelmed. But when the aliens want something blowed up, they do so with conviction. Mind you, some of the technical deficiencies of the alien technology will leave you wondering how these creatures managed to cross a galaxy. But try not to worry about that - the writers sure didn't.

The cast is OK. Neeson is decent as the admiral or whatever, and even Rihanna does an acceptable job. We're not talking about "Apocalypse Now" kinds of performances, but it wasn't horrible either. It was at least semi-believable.

Look, this ain't no "Bedford Incident". But it's a pretty decent way to kill a couple hours and snarf down some popcorn. All the folks griping about the technical problems - well, it's all true - but who cares? This movie doesn't pretend to be realistic. Hell, in the credits it's "Based on the game by Hasbro," so go in prepared and enjoy.
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Tom Orrow12 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Battleship is bar none the worst movie I have seen in recent years. It is a noisy, clichéd and unbearable piece of trash that exploits the work of CG artists and paying customers who just want to be entertained.

A simple way to describe Battleship, is that it's basically a $200 million naval recruitment video that was made by a schizophrenic 8 year old who likes video games and things going Ka-Boom.

The main heroes in this movie are indeed American navy sailors, but the one thing the film-makers really failed at is making these people likable and realistic. Taylor Kitsch plays the lead character, he's basically some drop out loser who robs convenience stores to get girlfriends and joins the navy at his brothers behest, and in what seems like no time at all he becomes a lieutenant with big responsibilities on a naval vessel with some few hundred men beneath him.

The special effects are the only thing to keep you invested, however they're all completely CG so it just likes a cut-scene from a video game . Something that should be impressive (like a ship sinking) is made pointless because it's something clearly rendered on a computer.

The soundtrack to the movie is okay composition wise, but it's often loud and draws attention to itself and it sounds exactly like the Inception soundtrack on numerous occasions.

This movie has the shadow of Transformers looming over it, both in its marketing and tone. Battleship however is far, far, far worse than any of those three films and it could probably be used as a symbol for the decline of western civilisation.
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I am compelled to write a minimum of 10 lines so you avoid this movie.
georgedunc27 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I have written very few reviews on IMDb, I simply do not have the time, but on this occasion things are different. This movie could have been so good, yet it is truly awful.

I am a total advocate of having fun at movies and suspending belief but in this movie, even attempting to do that is interrupted by shocking characters with shocking lines. If people reacted in real life like many of these do in the movie, you could be forgiven for shooting them on sight.

The main character played by Taylor Kitsch is so annoying, so arrogant, so stupid so utterly imbecilic that for him to be allowed in uniform would be a slur on a nations entire armed forces. He seems to have adopted a role trying to emulate bad boy comes good Chris Pine as Kirk in the 2009 excellent movie Star Trek. But it doesn't work and he displays himself as a complete and utter loser in every respect, and frankly the screen writers should not work again.

Every cliché possible is thrown in, trying to make what is termed 'an extinction event' funny. As aliens battle to use an earth array radar to communicate with their planet and bring on the destruction of the planet, the geek in charge of the array who knows everything about it says 'what! are they trying to phone home like ET'??? Shoot that man!

I am saddened that Liam Neeson's bank balance is so low that he needed to take on his role in this movie. If he was that short of cash, had he just put an ad on IMDb I am sure we would have all chipped in $5 each to keep him out of this disaster.

The boys and girls in the CG room did an awesome job, but it was so unoriginal with all the trappings of Transformers that whilst technically superb it was just all pointless. Just where have they spent $200 000 000 ? It must all be in CG or was it the fee for Rihanna? Whatever, the budget for this movie would have been better spent on saving some third world country from economic disaster.

At the end it becomes clear that whoever the military adviser was, whatever their sins during the main part of the movie, should definitely have been sacked and not paid. Our main character the man who has led a team of misfits to save the entire planet is awarded ...the 'Silver Star', the third highest award the military can give. Where was the medal of honour? the top banana, they must have been limited as only one was given to our main mans dead brother, who did nothing other than stand on the bridge of a ship and get blown up (apart from also putting up with his cretin brother for which he definitely deserved the award).

In summary, totally disappointing. To base a movie on the Hasbro game of Battleships was always going to be a challenge, are we now going to face movies based on snakes and ladders and 'frustration'? Too many agendas were hidden in this movie to ensure a politically correct Hollywood ra ra ra conclusion. There were many points in the movie where I totally wanted the Aliens to succeed and destroy the planet, as it's occupants were proving that there was no intelligent life here. If you are dragged along to this movie then maybe just put your iphone on silent and play angry birds or some other garbage game to keep yourself entertained, or better still play Battleships.
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If you fail to enjoy this movie, life sucks for you
Duncan Ford21 May 2014
Warning: Spoilers
In reality a technologically advanced species would wipe us out within five minutes. Result? No movie

Therefore, this movie depends upon a sequence of improbable happenstances to allow it to progress

We have a suitably driven central character and a capable side cast who take up the spirit of the piece, which is essentially heroism in the face of extreme odds

If you cannot suspend your disbelief for the duration in order to feel the bravado humanity is genuinely capable of, you do not have the capacity in yourself

Your score for this movie directly correlates to how happy you are as a person
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Battleship is easily the best stupid movie I've seen since Armageddon
Simon O'Neill10 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Battleship is easily the best stupid movie I've seen since Armageddon - it is infinitely better than every Transformers movie ever regurgitated onto the screen (apart from the Cartoon Transformers one from the 80's).

Battleship it is the romantic story of how a 26 year old former high school jock John Carter, with no qualifications or experience, ends up in charge of a giant battleship because Eric from True Blood is his brother & he runs a battleship.

High School Jock John Carter and has to destroy an alien invasion in order to impress Naval Commander Liam Neeson so he can marry his really hot daughter that wore that yellow bikini in Just Go With It - he does this by letting Japanese people do everything for him.

They use a grid showing the surrounding floating Tsunami alert devices (because the aliens disabled the radar you see) to actually play the game 'battleships' and blow up the aliens using complete guess work & then they ask Old retired war veteran people to borrow their museum battleship & help them blow up Hawaii after they broke all their own battleships while playing battleships with the aliens earlier on - and then at the end he takes the credit for it all, gets a medal & goes for a Chicken Burrito with Liam Neeson.

Despite the fact he knows nothing of the man, Liam Neeson agrees to let him marry his really hot daughter as thanks for letting the Japanese & the old people save the world while he stood around and watched.

Rhianna is in it too - but don't let that stop you watching the movie as she is like a hot version of Vasquez from Aliens - and to the movies great credit, but also to my great disappointment, at no point does the movie allude to the fact that Rhianna has breasts. Amazing Wonderous Breasts.

Also that freaky little guy from Ghostbusters II that plays the museum director Dr Janosz ("The joyfulness is over!") plays the President of the USA - what's not to like here?
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"It's an action movie" is not an excuse!
Matteo Tiberia13 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I ate 4-cheeses tortellini for lunch and then went to see "Battleship". guess which one was cheesier. This movie is terrible and I'll tell you why, but first let me say one thing. This is not how action movies should be made and it is not fair to make bad movies just to cash some money because "hey, it's an action movie!" I don't believe in low class genres: is not a sin to enjoy an action movie, but it should be a good movie anyway! Battleship has an horrible plot, actually nothing happens but it does it in more than 2 hours. God if it was boring! I don't understand how you could ever make a movie with explosions and fast-paced editing sooo boring. There are elements that make to sudden apparitions and too much plot holes. There are some TERRIBLE comic scenes, like the one where the guy is stealing a burrito for his bigtittied trophy. In that moment it becomes American pie, the family guy, epic movie. There's a LOT of FAKE lens flare. I don't understand why, is it a fad now? In super8 they had a meaning, but in battleship there are even more and they really make no sense. Every single clichè, you can find it in here. well, we live in a postmodern period so that's okay, we are used to see old clichés. The problem is that they use them like it is 1980 and it's the first time. If you care about that, the aliens are really a bunch of pussies. They invade earth and the humans have to struggle a little to fight them. Yeah, just because they use only THREE American ships (actual war ships, not space ships) and a couple of airplanes. It's the lamest alien invasion ever! Don't watch this movie because is really really bad. What could I expect from a movie inspired by the eponymous game? The premise seems a parody from youtube actually.
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Forget the bad ratings. Watch the movie. It's fun.
Dave Nesbitt3 December 2014
I'm not sure why everyone is complaining about this movie. It's an action movie - not a deep social commentary or a romantic comedy.

Yeah. It had plenty of implausibilities but so what. Every movie has them.

It was well made, hero's and bad guys who had just enough weapons to be dangerous but not dangerous enough to secure the environment.

But again. This is a feel good, Cowboys & Indians movie.

Well I enjoyed it a lot and I'm kind of hard to please. It simply was not as bad as everyone says it is.

I liked the choice of actors even the two from Friday Night Lights.

The guy who played the injured sailor was pretty funny.

And what's a movie without your resident geek. Check.
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So Promising - So disappointing
gar-yd12 April 2012
There are 3 hugely anticipated block-busters this year and Battleship was the first one to be released. I had expectations of watching this at that cinema a few times and getting it on blue ray - this is my type of movie!; or at least that was the expectation. With such great promotional footage and Liam Neeson heading the cast, it had to be great. In reality, Neeson has almost a bit part (in fact you see most of it in the promotional adverts), clearly there to increase sales of the movie; with the bulk of the 'acting' coming from Taylor Kitsch.

A ludicrous start with Kitsch playing a 27 year loser who, on the recommendation of his brother (Alexander Scarsgard) joins the Navy, suddenly to become at Lt Cdr - The script is clearly written by someone with no military knowledge or experience and that the actions, demeanour and interaction with all that are supposed to be military personnel, is a non sense. It makes Top Gun look believable! However, it gets worse;with aliens that have made there way to earth with great looking craft,that impressively rise from the ocean (great CGG) - you see it on the commercials for the movie, the only weapon they possess are melee type Armour - pretty ridiculous

really and by this point the movie has lost any form of credibility. The outcome is obvious from the first few minutes and I certainly wouldn't go back for a repeat viewing. It's still probably worth a watch if you can't resist, but don't buy any pop corn; there's enough corn in this movie!
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This movie isn't what it pretends to be! See beneath the Macho clichés and you will find an awesome movie.
Sevenixx5 August 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I saw the trailers for the movie and expected another Transformers, SFX for all your money. When I started watching the movie though I noticed something wasn't just right. Why don't the aliens to more Bad things? We are supposed to hate them, they are here to take over our world, Right?

Nope. And this is where this movie actually Shines, and the reason it gets so many bad reviews is that people miss out on 2 very important facts.

Aliens are the Good Guys

Humans are the Bad Guys.

The movie just makes quite a good job with camouflaging this in regular Blockbuster Cheesiness. The movie is a direct documentation about how hellish and pointless war is.

1.Humans in the movie are very aggressive and dumb. Our Main hero is a guy who should never have been put in command of anything! And here he gets to greet our first ever contact with aliens, using Guns, Cruise Missiles and Torpedoes!

2. Aliens never want to hurt anyone. The Aliens Are Passive, Never firing unless first fired upon. The point is made extra clear with the scene where a DeathBall stops in front of a child, re-planning its route in order to destroy the highway without harming the child. How Much Clearer Can It Get?

3. Aliens have no Military Grade Weapons. This is another point where people seem to watch this movie expecting the regular Blockbuster, and then hate this movie because it isn't! The Aliens didn't expect a war so they didn't Bring Weapons!

The Satchel-Bombs they fire of their ships are actually terrible as weapons, the only reason they work at all is because we humans have such slow ships. This is probably because these bombs aren't designed for any sort of ship to ship battle, but rather for clearing up debris. And what we see on a personal level is an engineering tool the aliens seems to use a lot more for setting up their generators than to actually fight with.

This is NOT your classic race of Evil Aliens equipped with Independence-Day Lasers, or Corrosive "Aliens" Blood! This is a peaceful advanced race, which came here not expecting to fight, but to talk.

Once you realize this the movie starts making sense. what our "hero" does is in fact to constantly seek out conflict. Doing everything he can in order to destroy these Aliens, all because of some miscommunication and stupid decisions.

If this movie teaches anything, It would definitely be that when the time comes for humans to face another, alien race. Make sure the ones we send to greet them aren't Military.

So Basically what the movie is Really about is about a peaceful race of aliens who receive a message from an apparently peaceful race. We then greet them by firing upon them, trying to kill them even if they aren't even firing at us. So when they realize their mistakes we do our best trying to prevent them from sending a "Its a trap, humans are evil" message.

Regular blockbuster movies often manage to build up a mountain of evil actions on the aliens account, making the "Heroes" fight justified and true.

Battleship doesn't do that, It puts the regular Blockbuster Patriotism into a setting where it becomes totally destructive, not only preventing the Aliens and Humans to communicate, but also started a war that have already seen thousands of casualties, and may see millions more before its over.

I rate the movie 7 out of 10. Its a really fresh take on the whole Evil Alien Invasion theme.
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Where's the love?
quiktripper6 October 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I don't know why this movie got such a bad wrap? I think it's actually pretty plain awesome!- and how they worked the BATTLESHIP game into the movie is pretty cool.

The man who lost his legs gets the chance to fight again & be the hero, the 90 year old retired vets get a chance to save the day, the story between the main character and his girl is actually pretty cool- and when Liam neeson says NO when he asks for permission... priceless :) No, its not gonna win an Oscar & no its now the best, but I don't think anyone is going it it looking for that. If you just want a pretty cool & kick ass movie then you wont be disappointing.
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A completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster
Warning: Spoilers
Turning a board game into a big-budget summer blockbuster was always going to be a stretch. But Hasbro the company behind the cinematic juggernaut Transformers series thought they had locked on to a winning formula for their adaptation of their best-selling board-game Battleship...namely ditch Michael Bay for the supremely talented Peter Berg, add aliens and throw shed-loads of money at the screen. And it almost works...

The plot such as it is sees Taylor Kitsch play the lovable aimless reluctant hero. Drafted into the Navy after a drunken stunt to impress a girl goes awry he soon rises up through the ranks as his natural ability overshadows his confrontational nature. Meanwhile scientists have discovered a new planet light-years away that might just contain intelligent life. Sending a message to this planet they are seemingly unaware of the potential consequences, that ET might answer and drop by. Back in Hawaii the Navy is gearing up for a massive military exercise when our new "friends" decide to pay a visit. What happens next is man v alien in a spectacular battle of technology and wits for the control of the planet...

So lets start with Kitsch. The poor boy never can quite get a script close to that of his breakout TV role in Friday Night Lights. He's a likable guy, who does his best with the material and can handle the action sequences with aplomb. He is however overawed by Alexander Skarsgard, who manages, in a significantly smaller role, to show why he's better equipped for leading man duties than his John Carter starring cohort. Liam Neeson gives another in his trademark gruff father figure performances. You never get the feeling that he's exerting himself, but that's okay. Rihanna casts aside her singer-cum-actress background and manages to give as good as she gets playing with the boys. Brooklyn Decker never equates to more than eye-candy and the rest of the actors are all given screen-time but no background.

As a feat of technical film-making Battleship is a tour-de-force. It's visually stunning with obvious state of the art effects and seamless CGI for the most part. The alien technology is beautifully rendered, although the aliens themselves leave a lot to be desired. Likewise the movie slows to a crawl during the misconstrued slow-mo weapon loading sequences, which serve to remove the audience from the action rather than immerse them in the spectacle. Aurally the film is amazing, way to loud, but the sound design itself is full of merit. The soundtrack works well in places, less so in others. The liberally used rock classics that magnify the action are well timed, as is the wonderful interjection of the Pink Panther theme. Sadly it all comes apart when we get to the script. The story is woeful, with under developed characters serving only to spout unnecessary exposition and act as the most needless array of clichés seen in many a year. Even by the standards of sci-fi films based on board games this is ludicrous. Berg has a good eye for action but even he can't help but channel his inner Michael Bay when it comes to blowing stuff up. Given a couple more months to develop the script, a good edit job and 40 less decibels and we'd have a real contender on our hands here.

As it stands Battleship is a completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster. A missed opportunity perhaps but maybe just what the doctor ordered if you like your movies loud, crass and Americatastic.
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Up lifting Movie
josef915423 November 2012
OMG The movie was amazing. I do not like war movies or army movies at all... but this one was amazing. I loved the CG in the movie and i loved the theme. Aliens getting contacted by Earth that try to come and destroy us... The best part of the movie was at the end when the Museum steam ship had to be used. All the other ships were destroyed and Earths only defense was an old steam battleship that was used. THE BEST part is that it was a museum and the veterans from prior wars all in their 80's and 90's helped the few soldiers that were left from the abandoned ships.

I found my self giddy that the veterans were helping and it was right at the climax that was needed especially with a serious movie. I loved it and like i said i normally do not get into these kind of movies.
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once again, the rating is all wrong
A_Different_Drummer28 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
This film, best considered a younger cousin to the classic Independence Day (which I confess I have seen about a dozen times, NOT MY FAULT, they keep showing it every independence day! Duh!) is one of those all-too-common entries in the IMDb database that simply don't make sense. First of all look at the number of IMDb members who have taken time off their busy schedules to comment. Seriously, go check. I'll wait here until you get back. See the problem? If the film were really that mundane, that forgettable, would there really be so many people willing to comment? (Note to IMDb intelligentsia -- do people review films because they genuinely want to leave a guidepost for viewers of the future, or do they review films because they simply love a good scrap?) In any case, for those readers who are interested, I will point out that while the acting is merely OK, the script, this massively un-appreciated script, is to die for. In other words, the writers completely understood that to connect with the audience, you start small, you build bridges, and then you escalate and escalate and ultimately you provide a payoff. Sound simple? Then why don't more movies have scripts as smooth as this one? (Ditto for Independence Day, the script there is a work of art as well). And in case you wondering, can a good story by itself elevate a film to classic status? Darn right! In any case, I gave a rating which I consider commiserate with the actual entertainment value. Footnote: in a silent homage to the series Battlestar Gallactica, which was unique and ground-breaking in so many ways, the producers cast Rihanna, one of the most striking women of the century, in the uniform of a Chief Petty Officer and then watched with bemusement (I think) as male viewers had their eyes pop out of their heads every time she got screen time.(In BSG the analogue was Kandyse McClure.) A really solid entertaining film deserving a much higher rating.
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C'mon, it's not that bad
Freyguy621 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
There may be some inadvertent spoilers in this review, so beware! I went to see this movie with my girlfriend expecting an action movie with (based on the previews) really good special effects. After the first 5mins of the movie, it became apparent that Battleship was going to mix in some comedy as well. Both my girlfriend and I were both laughing a lot at the beginning of the movie, and it loosened our original perception of the movie. Now, we were just there to have a good time.

For the most part, I was impressed. A good amount of the negative reviews I have read seem to not even be about this movie. I read one that literally stated, "Why did we have to slaughter these aliens that were just trying to get home?" They were obviously not watching the same movie. These aliens were trying to use our satellites to bring more ships to earth to take over the planet! They were piggy-backing on our technology because their communications ship crashed at the beginning. They weren't some well to do aliens who accidentally crashed and were trying to get home! This was an invasion! Another review said there were too many side stories... There were literally two. The main story arc deals with the main character fighting the aliens, and then his girlfriend is helping an army vet who lost his legs and they get into some trouble. That's pretty much it.

The one big problem I had was the super cheesy part towards the end when all of the old veterans working on the Mighty Mo are posing all over the ship and Hopper gives them the mini speech about asking them to do more for their country. Plus, the idea of running a WWII era battleship with about 10 Navy Sailors and 10 60+ year old vets is a little... unbelievable. I'm not 100% on this, but the standard crew for a Missouri type battleship is over 2000. That was just way too corny for my taste, but it didn't take away too much from the over all movie.

All in all, it was a lot of fun. The movie had great special effects, the interplay between the actors was amusing, and at times, just plain funny. The story was okay, there are a few things that were kind of left hanging, but this isn't supposed to be some artsy, independent film. I disagree with the reviewer who says that "It's an action movie" isn't a good excuse. I say it is. If you want moving dialog, Oscar worthy acting, and a swath of top name actors... This probably isn't the movie for you. If you just want to have a good time, have some laughs, see some great special effects and walk away from a movie with a smile on your face, go see this movie.
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More Fun Than It Has Any Right To Be
Sean Jump1 June 2012
On a certain level, there's no way I can claim that Battleship is a good movie in any conventional sense. The plot is incredulous and the script couldn't be riddled with more holes if you unloaded a shotgun at it. Even the idea that the movie is based on Hasbro's classic board game of the same name is rather disingenuous: yes, there is a battleship involved in the action, almost all of which takes place at sea, but other than that any resemblance to the game we all grew up playing seems purely coincidental. And I certainly don't remember any aliens in the game I had.

But somehow, despite it all, Battleship stays afloat. There's a certain energy and enthusiasm to the film that is infectious, even via the big screen. The story may not make a whole lot of sense, but it is a lot of fun. The extravagant special effects—merely par for the course in any modern would-be blockbuster—are one factor, but spectacular as the many explosions, gunfights, and various displays of pyrotechnics are, there's more to it than that, an overriding sense of fun that makes all the conventional weaknesses of the film meaningless.

Certainly, the cast seems to be having a lot of fun on screen. Taylor Kitsch, who stars as Lt. Alex Hopper, is an empathetic hero whose struggle to overcome his personal weaknesses is ultimately played out with the fate of the world at stake when he finds himself and the crew of his Navy destroyer in the wrong place at the wrong time—and smack in the middle of an amphibious alien invasion. Alexander Skarsgard plays Alex's older brother and mentor, a Navy Captain to whom Alex feels he has been a shallow disappointment. The gorgeous Brooklyn Decker does an adequate job as Alex's girlfriend, Samantha, whose father just happens to be the Admiral of the fleet, and played by the great Liam Neeson in a typically authoritative performance. The only real weak spot in the cast is singer Rihanna, making her big screen debut and looking like it. One can only hope that if Rihanna pursues further acting roles, she'll improve…a lot.

The plot isn't deep, but it does have some positive aspects, incorporating elements of personal redemption, self-empowerment, and self-sacrifice, all concepts that more movies would be well-advised to advance. And while the movie is in a sense very violent—once the aliens arrive, things start to blow up at a rapid clip—there's nothing especially graphic or bloody. The dialog isn't Oscar-worthy, but is sometimes quite witty.

In the end, Battleship is a prototypical summer actioner. It's nowhere nearly as good as The Avengers, but as a very different type of film is still worth seeing if big-budget mayhem is your thing. If you're okay with a movie that doesn't stimulate your brain and requires only that you go along for the fast-paced ride and enjoy the show, Battleship is surprisingly entertaining.
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clevortrevor-loomis1 September 2012
Warning: Spoilers
The film is so bad it's not worth reviewing honestly. The only redeeming quality was the CGI, but every other aspect was just so predictable and boring. From the very beginning of the film you know its going to be bad. One cliché after another with that generic Top Gun feel, with the lead male character a maverick in the navy. Rihanna is acceptable but appears in parts of the film where you wouldn't expect her to be. The inclusion of the real WW2 veterans was touching, but exposed the poor story line and plot even more. The highlight of absurdity came with the revival of the old battleship from a museum piece to all of a sudden being fully laden with ammo and able to fire up the engines at a moments notice. The adverts for the film gave you an entirely different idea of what was to come. In other words false advertising. This is yet another example of Hollywood relying on CGI and that feeling of being on a roller-coaster at an amusement park. Finally, if it wasn't for the fact that I had to write 10 lines I wouldn't have. As for the film don't bother.
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Are There No Standards Anymore?
qormi23 February 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This film broke new ground in mindless, irrational, dumb entertainment. The space aliens fail due to hesitation. A grizzly bear-sized alien in high tech armor is face-to-face with puny humans on several occasions. They throw the humans to the ground (of course, they get up unscathed) and watch the puny humans run away. They are face-to-face with a puny, technologically inferior 70-year-old battleship. They hesitate and wait for the battleship to strike first instead of obliterating it. We have incredible plot holes like: By dropping anchor, a thousand-ton battleship will swerve on a dime (actually, it would take about half an hour). A disabled man who walks with a cane and has artificial legs and a huge stomach can beat up a grizzly bear-size alien in full high tech armor. A geeky guy can hit a grizzly bear-sized alien in high tech armor with a brief case and beat him up. We see giant square blocks with 100 rocket launchers pop up on alien battleships, yet they only fire one or two at a time. The USS Missouri, which is a floating museum, is occupied by a dozen 90-year-old WW2 vets, who quickly spring into action instead of suffering massive heart attacks and strokes. The afore-mentioned 70-year-old battleship was fully equipped with live rounds of ammo. The United States Military was too stupid to attack the alien battleships with aircraft, as they did to the Japanese Navy in WW2.

This film was the worst kind of garbage imaginable. It ranks up there with Battle: Los Angeles as the worst alien invasion film of all time.

On the plus side, I liked those alien buzz-saw bombs that wrecked the ship, but that's it. Even those were phony video game stuff, though.
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Easily surpassed my very low expectations
David Froman11 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
After all the negative reviews I had avoided Battleship until this weekend. I have to say it turned out to be much better than I expected. Yes, the script is simple, the entire outcome can be surmised by the time the opening credits are finished. Deep philosophical discussion is not what I was expecting. It's a movie where stuff gets blown up. And it delivers on that.

The movie never takes itself too seriously, the burrito incident makes this point early on. The actors all give a solid effort within the limited range of character development. There are some minor issues with reality, such as how the younger Hopper could ever get a commission in the Navy with his background. But since we are talking about an alien invasion movie, things like that shouldn't be looked at too critically. It was also pretty impressive how they shoehorned in the board game as well. If you didn't know the game existed you can still watch those scenes and not be left scratching your head.

The 'old guys rule' theme brought out at the climax was way over the top, but it was done in a way that actually had me grinning and tapping my foot to the music as they delivered on the whole premise of the film. Stuff gets blown up.

If you want a film that delves into the complexities of the human condition in the post industrial world, skip this movie. If you want to see big things go BOOM! this is a great fun flick to kick back and turn your brain off to.
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What a bunch of cry babies
residentevil690120 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I went into this movie thinking it was going to be cheesy and have some good action in it which is why I go to the movies. I don't go for drama and talking I want to see fighting and lots of craziness. I loved the movie, I love alien invasion movies and to see people on here complaining that the aliens didn't really have any special powers makes me laugh. I mean come on they come from a planet similar to ours so why would they have any special powers? They had a bit better technology then we did and what alien movie doesn't? Also think of all the alien movies we have had so far and what else can be done? You go to the movies to be entertained but I guess some people just can't let themselves go for 2 hours and enjoy whats on the screen because it wasn't written like they would of written it. I liked the aliens HALO type armor they wore and the wrecking ball/drilling metal munching destroying things were the sickness. That was one hell of a way to chew up a ship and spit it out, thought that was great. My kids loved it and my father got choked up over the veterans part. (His father is from that era and fought in Guam) I was just happy to get away from the busy/nasty daily grind we all sometimes endure and let myself go. I wouldn't see it again at the full price but will for sure go to the dollar movies and buy it when it comes out on DVD.
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Nice to look at and nothing more
darkraven_10919 April 2012
No one was expecting Hollywood would so be s*** out of ideas and turn a board game into a movie but in the end we have BATTLESHIP, a movie based on the classic board game involving taking down your enemy's entire fleet through luck and grid reference. But this one has aliens which were strangely absent in the original source material.

Ridiculous as it sounds on paper, BATTLESHIP was made and here we have a passable summer time killer.

The special effects in the movie are impressive; I watched a regular screening so I can't say much for the 3D. The combat between Earth's naval ships and the alien machines was done well though it wasn't as tense as one could hope for. They're just nice to LOOK at; there's no sense of urgency or dread when the guns are loaded or when the enemy ships arm their missiles. The editing in the action scenes was a bit choppy but thankfully this does little to hinder the fact that they're nice to look at.

The movie wasn't advertised as having a thought provoking story or anything serious; the crew behind the movie knew that they made it to be nothing more than a popcorn movie that doesn't take itself seriously which is why unlike CLASH OF THE TITANS the special effects don't seem to be a hindrance to the simple story. Though I just wish someone took the time to improve the alien design which looked like it was cheaply ripped off from a video game.

But the story itself isn't even worth mentioning; sure, it's a simple alien invasion but that's about all it is, there's nothing more to it. There's no character development, it's extremely predictable and it seems amateurish. There were some good laughs here and there and bits of what could've been character development but never are they expanded. Even for a simple alien invasion movie the dialogue the characters said seemed forced; never do they connect to the audience in some way so when someone goes down or when someone's in danger, you don't feel anything. The writers tried to make things sound more intelligent than they have to and look at the end result; you have a bunch of flat characters spouting unnecessary profound crap.

The script is just bad; it looks like it was written by a kid who thought that the "cool stuff" (video game looking aliens, cheesy dialogue meant to sound deep, witty one-liners, etc.) should be added into the movie and that's why those were there. Cheap and cheesy dialogue makes the already flat cast of characters even more uninteresting; try not to groan while watching any of the "romantic" scenes or the obligatory patriotic scenes as seen in any movie made involving the military.

I'll admit, I was expecting BATTLESHIP to be total crap but I'm slightly thankful it didn't turn out to be the complete waste of money and time I was expecting but that isn't saying much. All the movie turned out to be was a popcorn movie that couldn't even entertain me all through out its run time. In the end, BATTLESHIP is a corny and clichéd movie (to describe it this way is being lenient) that relies on action sequences to draw in an audience. This movie didn't really feel like an alien invasion summer flick, it felt more like a 90 minute ad for a board game.
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Bored game
markdroulston11 April 2012
Sitting in the theatre last night, a line from an old Tool song was rattling around in my brain. "One great big, festering, neon distraction" was used by the band to describe the state of California, but the description couldn't be more apt for Peter Berg's BATTLESHIP. A deafening, blue and orange military recruitment tool, the film can't even sustain its laughably simple premise, and attempts to promote a message so unappealing to its target audience I was left questioning why it even exists. Story is the least important element here, so lets just say that in between all the sweeping helicopter shots and blinding lens flare, an international Naval war games exercise is interrupted by alien invaders, and it's up to reckless officer Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) to save the day. Kitsch delivers solid character work early on, but soon gets lost in the cacophony of bangs and seizure-inducing editing which leaves little room for the human story. Inexplicably added to the mix are pop star Rihanna, seemingly here for no other reason than, well, she's Rihanna, and Liam Neeson collecting his paycheck for around 10 minutes of screen time. But, as I said, we're not here for the story, rather the spectacular action and special effects right? The bad news is that when the aliens finally show up, BATTLESHIP's pace strangely slows to a crawl (no doubt due to the limited options offered by the source material), and all potential excitement and interest evaporates. Director Berg forces the idea of teamwork down the audience's throats (Japan and the US fighting together in Hawaii? Wonders never cease), and doesn't even try to disguise his recruitment agenda. Indeed, the film is little more than a hyperkinetic music video (oh, that's why Rihanna is here) designed to lure impressionable youth into signing up so they too can fight the 'alien invaders'. Herein lies the problem however: young people today almost definitely don't play Battleship. Basing a tentpole film on a board game seemed like a daft idea from the outset, but recent cinema history has seen a theme park ride turned into a critically and financially successful franchise, so precedent is there in a way. Unfortunately for Universal, even those of us who grew up in a pre-internet/Xbox Live world remember Battleship as a desperately boring endeavour, so how can it be expected to compete in today's short attention-span culture? The strange metaphor that Berg attempts to craft in the film's third act, suggesting that we need to remember and re-appraise the past, just won't fly with 21st century teens bred in our disposable, constantly updating world of technological wonder. BATTLESHIP's strange juxtaposition of bombastic special effects framing ancient board game mechanics simply doesn't sit right, and it's hard to imagine the teen audience, so crucial for success at the summer box-office, tearing themselves away from the latest CALL OF DUTY to embrace the turn-based 'excitement' of this ridiculous film. No amount of explosions can salvage a limp and underwritten movie, and BATTLESHIP, not entirely unexpectedly, is torpedoed by its own outdated inspiration.
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Rides every cliché that ever existed
blastorama30 August 2012
Corny, silly, ridiculous, stupid, pointless, mindless. Probably one of the worst movies this year. Aliens need a signal to get to Earth then they come with explosive weapons and earthly technology and the navy beats the aliens with a battleship. The unlikely but obvious hero marries the beautiful princess, the elderly retirees get their second chance at being heroes, the handicapped soldier also gets a second chance at being a hero and the Japanese marine helps the USA save the world from an alien invasion. The story is weak, predictable and the acting is very mediocre. Liam Neeson has made a custom of choosing bad story lines for his work. It seems as this movie has been paid for by the Navy to lure young mindless people to join their ranks. Distasteful, unpleasant.
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