Fright Night (2011)
Peter Vincent: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. That doesn't narrow it down. That's like, mini-golf and sushi.
Charley Brewster: You read way too much Twilight.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: That's fiction, okay. This is real. He's a real monster and he's not brooding, or lovesick, or noble. He's the fucking shark from Jaws. He kills, he feeds, and he doesn't stop until everybody around him is dead. And I seriously am so angry you think I read Twilight.
Ginger: Good show tonight right, baby-cakes?
Peter Vincent: You were late again on the "Devil's Torture Chamber".
Ginger: I have something for you, look.
[she gives him the middle finger]
Ginger: You were early again. In the bedroom.
Peter Vincent: Fuck you!
Ginger: I will fuck myself. Someone's gotta do it.
Jerry Dandrige: [to Peter] Look at you all grown up. Welcome to Fright Night. For real.
[Peter tries to shoot him but misses]
Jerry Dandrige: You've got your mother's eyes.
[Peter misses again]
Jerry Dandrige: And you're father's aim.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but that guy, your neighbor; yeah, he's a vampire man.
Charley Brewster: My neighbor?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Next door?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Jerry. I just met him.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Okay. Jerry.
Charley Brewster: That is a terrible vampire name. Jerry?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I didn't name him, man. I'm just reporting the facts.
Jerry Dandrige: This girl tonight. She's a handful, you know? Women who look a certain way, they... they need to be managed. It's true. Your dad ducked out on you, huh? Your mom, she didn't exactly say, but there's a kind of... neglect. Gives off a scent. You don't mind my saying, you got a lot on your shoulders for a kid. The two of you, alone. And your girl... Amy. She's ripe. I bet there's a line of guys dying to pluck that. Your mom, too. You don't see it. Maybe you do, but she's putting it out. It's on you to look after them. You up for that, guy?
Charley Brewster: I think I can manage.
Jerry Dandrige: Good. Because there's a lot of bad people out there, Charley. Everyone's got to look after his own business.
Jane Brewster: You know, getting what you want can be stressful. Especially when you're not used to getting it. More to lose.
Jerry Dandrige: [to Ed] You've been watching me. I've been watching you. It seems fair.
Charley Brewster: Wait a minute. You get deliveries this late?
Peter Vincent: Yeah. Um, no. I don't know.
Charley Brewster: Oh, shit. No. You said that guy could come in. That's a...
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [interrupting] That's an invitation, airhead.
Peter Vincent: How did you get in here?
Charley Brewster: Well security is a little lax since everybody got their throat torn out.
Peter Vincent: You think I'm hanging out with Dracula? And the Easter Bunny? Fuck off!
Charley Brewster: Ed came to me, and I turned my back on him.
Amy: How were you supposed to believe him?
Charley Brewster: I mean, he begged me. I mean, he really... And he was my best friend.
Amy: I know but, Charley, people, they change.
Charley Brewster: Yeah, and I just changed into a dick.
Peter Vincent: Ginger, we got a delivery.
Ginger: [eating ice cream] I'm watching my program! You get it!
Peter Vincent: You're TiVo-ing it, you lazy cow!
Charley Brewster: You think if you live and we all die, you'll be able to get us out of your head?
Peter Vincent: No, I know I won't. I never could after the first time. So I told myself that I made it up. I was a kid. Figured it was easier to believe in monsters.
Charley Brewster: Made what up?
Peter Vincent: The vampire that killed my parents, but not me. You think I collected all this stuff because it was bitching?
Peter Vincent: I'm a great date. Get me drunk, and I'll try anything.
Peter Vincent: [grabbing his crotch] Leather, it doesn't breathe, you know? Fucking rashes are fucking killing me!
Jane Brewster: Ed called. Again.
Charley Brewster: Oh yeah?
Jane Brewster: I'm tired of making excuses for you, Charley. If you don't want to talk to him, just tell him.
Charley Brewster: Kind of defeats the purpose.
[after Jerry blows up the Brewster house]
Jerry Dandrige: I don't need an invitation if there's no house.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Mark] Don't you have some sluts to go fuck?
Announcer: Defy reason. Defy everything you know. A mind blowing experience of the occult and supernatural. Peter Vincent. A magical tour de force. Peter Vincent. Welcome to Fright Night. Onstage at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.
Jane Brewster: Hey, kid. Don't leer at the neighbors.
Charley Brewster: Hey, she's the one that put the word on her butt. I'm just reading it.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know Adam's missing, right?
Charley Brewster: What do you mean Adam's missing?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I keep trying him. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. I don't know if you were paying attention to roll call, but he's not the only one that's gone.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: What the fuck happened to you? We were inseperable.
Charley Brewster: Yeah, well you know when my life started to get better? When I stopped being friends with you.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You want me to go tell your pals how well we really know each other? The LEGO contests, the Farscape conventions, the costumes?
Charley Brewster: Please, stop.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Or how about that one time you took my Stretch Armstrong so you could tie it around your balls and jerk off for an hour?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Charley] Really, can we pretend for one minute that you're not a complete douchebag?
Jane Brewster: [as Jerry's hand tries to grab her] Charley, fucking kick him!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Peter, over intercom] Hey, are you enjoying your panic room, master of darkness? God, you are such a pussy. I love it!
'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know, I expected more of a fight from you, Brewster. Girl's made you lazy in the head. Pussy will do that.
Jerry Dandrige: What were you thinking, Charley? That you were just going to walk in here with your little crossbow and put to bed 400 years of survival? No, Charley. Not likely.
Charley Brewster: [entering Peter's penthouse and seeing his artifacts] Wow. This is all his stuff?
Ginger: He started collecting tarots and Ouijas. Gateway stuff. Now scholars, they call him for answers. Those books, the forgotten texts, the Agrippa. He's read them all.
[Charley tries to touch an item]
Ginger: No, no. Don't touch anything. He's PMS-y today. Sensitive little girl. Over there, that's haunted antiques. Cursed stuff! And that's... that's Peter's honorary degree from LVSU. But he got it off the internet.
Jane Brewster: The whole house looks like that show Dark Shadows.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [after Charley grabs an axe] Nice weapon there, Squid Boy!