Mrs. Bellamy: I truly don't even know why I'm here, doctor.
Mrs. Bellamy: Well, of course it's difficult running a large household by oneself. And raising four children is exacting, but they're wonderful, wonderful children. And my husband, he's a good man. A very hard worker. Um... Ahem. Well, there is just one thing. Sometimes at night, when he comes to me, I imagine myself splitting his fat bald head with a great large ax.
Edmund St. John-Smythe: [brainstorming] The Rubby-Nubby.
Mortimer Granville: The Vibratorium.
Edmund St. John-Smythe: The Jiggly-Wiggly?
Mortimer Granville: Paroxysmator.
Edmund St. John-Smythe: Oh, the Sorcerer's Apprentice.
Mortimer Granville: The Excitetator?
Edmund St. John-Smythe: Mr. Wobbly.
Mortimer Granville: Oh, please.
Edmund St. John-Smythe: What about, The Squealer?
Mortimer Granville: Sir, I would be enormously grateful for any position that allowed me to offer relief to my patients, with little chance of killing them.
Molly: What do you call that little thing?
Mortimer Granville: I was calling it the feather duster.
Molly: Well I'd think of something quick, so that a girl knows what to ask for.
Charlotte Dalrymple: I am a woman like any other.
Mortimer Granville: Oh no, you're quite unlike any woman I've ever met.
Mortimer Granville: Will you be alright?
Charlotte Dalrymple: Yeah, I'm fine. I've got lots of friends in prison.
Charlotte Dalrymple: For us it's mindless housework and doting on some halfwit.
Mortimer Granville: You can make some halfwit very happy.
Charlotte Dalrymple: It's simply not enough for me, or for most women. Would it be enough for you?
Mortimer Granville: Oh, I'm not most women.
Dr. Robert Dalrymple: Well, all's well that ends well. Ah, fresh air and perambulation, the key to mental acuity and long life.
Lady St. John-Smythe: If you say so, doctor.
Dr. Robert Dalrymple: Oh look, ducks...
Mortimer Granville: I tell you Edward, the healing arts in England are positively lethal. It's not a coincidence the morgues are placed adjacent to the hospitals.
Female Patient: Can't you understand it's an emergency? The situation is desperate.
Nurse Smalley: It's completely impossible, madam.
Female Patient: I'll do anything.
Dr. Robert Dalrymple: I won't lie to you Granville; its tedious, tiring work. Are you fit?
Mortimer Granville: I have never shrieked from hardwork in the pursuit of helping the most needy among us.
Dr. Robert Dalrymple: Jolly good.
Dr. Robert Dalrymple: It's a bit like patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time but you just couldn't get the hang of it.
Charlotte Dalrymple: It must be difficult pleasuring half the women in the city.
Mortimer Granville: Madam, *pleasure* has nothing to do with it, I can assure you.
Charlotte Dalrymple: Well I suppose that depends on whether you're *over* the table or on it.
Charlotte Dalrymple: Something wrong?
Mortimer Granville: No, no. Um... I've just never seen you so... so...
Charlotte Dalrymple: formally attired?
Mortimer Granville: I was going to say... clean.
Lady St. John-Smythe: Your hair is most adventurous, Emily.
Emily Dalrymple: Do you think so? It took ever so long to get it up there.
Charlotte Dalrymple: Then I won't come here anymore. Not for charity or for company. And you may threaten me with privation, with bankruptcy, with a life that knows only hunger and squalor, but I shall never veer from what I know to be my own true path.
Emily Dalrymple: Good night, Doctor.
Mortimer Granville: How is it, Miss Dalrymple, that you are so much the ideal and your sister is so... so volatile?
Emily Dalrymple: Well, I'm hardly ideal, Doctor, and... Charlotte, she just... feels everything so strongly. If you truly knew her, you would see she is terribly clever and wonderfully charitable.
Mortimer Granville: Well, if she's earned such love and admiration from one so kind and gentle as yourself, I shall never speak poorly of her.
Emily Dalrymple: Good night, Doctor.
Mortimer Granville: Good night, Miss Dalrymple.