- Pugsley Addams: Aw, Thing, Wednesday is so good to me. I try to pay her back for all that she does, but nothing I do compares to her... her... her, uh...
- [Thing appears with a diploma]
- Pugsley Addams: Yeah, genius! I wish I could return the favor just once!
- Pugsley Addams: Hey, isn't that the dogcatcher who nabbed Uncle Mange last spring? He must be looking for another Addams to make miserable. Hmmm... Thing, that's it! I'll change Wednesday into a dog! Yeah! Then get her thrown into the pound for a few cold and lonely nights - she'll love it!
- Pugsley Addams: All those late-night chemistry lessons...
- [laughs]
- Pugsley Addams: thank you, Uncle Fester!
- Pugsley Addams: Aha! Surprise, sis!
- [douses Wednesday]
- Pugsley Addams: You are now a... porcupine?
- Wednesday Addams: This has potential...
- Pugsley Addams: [being stomped by a rhinoceros Wednesday] Wait! Hold it! Time out!
- Wednesday Addams: What ails you, brother?
- Pugsley Addams: I wanted to change you into a dog and make you miserable, and look what happened! I got stomped, crushed, trampled... I mean, why should I have all the fun? It's just not fair!
- Wednesday Addams: But brother Pugsley, I can think of no greater joy than pummeling you into non-existence.
- Pugsley Addams: Do you really mean it?
- Wednesday Addams: With all my heart.
- Pugsley Addams: Cool! Then don't let me stop you! Let it pour, Thing!
- [Thing douses Wednesday with several drops of the chemical]
- Morticia Addams: [Granny appears to be using her crystal ball] Granny, you're reading Festers head.
- Grandmama Addams: I knew that!
- Gomez Addams: If you think his head's interesting, try reading his back, since he's been sleeping on those wet newspapers.
- Lurch: You boinged?
- Gomez Addams: Don't set a place for Granny at breakfast tomorrow, Lurch. She's fallen into the botomless pit again.
- [Lurch groans]
- Morticia Addams: [on phone, Thing communicates by morse code] Thing says he's grown 20 feet.
- Uncle Fester: But that's weird, last time I saw Thing he only had five fingers.
- [Wednesday brings a gift for her brother Pugsley]
- Pugsley Addams: An ankle-shackle!
- [gasps]
- Pugsley Addams: For me? You shouldn't have!
- Wednesday Addams: I know.
- Pugsley Addams: [putting it on] And it even fits!
- Wednesday Addams: Good.
- [fires a cannonball, which was tied to the shackle. This sends Pugsley flying into the air...]
- Pugsley Addams: [douses Wednesday] Okay! Now you are a dog!
- [Out of the mist, a clawed hand holds out a picture of a dog...]
- Wednesday Addams: No, Pugsley, this dog...
- [holds up a framed picture of a dog]
- Wednesday Addams: ... me grizzly!
- [unsheathes claws]
- Pugsley Addams: Uh-oh! Now she's a wildebeest! Great... what do they do?
- Wednesday Addams: [charging] Allow me!
- Uncle Fester: Hey Granny, did you ust take a dive down the stairs?
- Granny: Yes!
- Uncle Fester: Did you get hurt?
- Granny: No!
- Uncle Fester: Ah, you never do anything right! Hold this and let an expert show you.
- Granny: Just think. All this trouble and no one was even hurt.
- Uncle Fester: [holding up a club with spikes sticking out of it] We can fix that!