The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)
Pirate Captain: And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat a Dracula.
Pirate Captain: Now listen Charles, we've all done something unforgivable. I've betrayed my pirate honor, you've betrayed science, and Mr. Bobo's betrayed the animal kingdom.
Pirate Captain: [looks at Darwin's house] You don't get many girls, do you?
Bobo: No. He. Doesn't.
Charles Darwin: Yeah, I had this theory. I thought that if you took a monkey, gave him a monocle and covered up his gigantic unsightly ass, then he'd cease to be a monkey and become more of a "manpanzee," if you will.
Pirate Captain: Avast! I'm a pirate captain, and I'm here for your gold!
Sailor: Gold? Afraid we don't have any gold, old man. This is a leper boat.
[his arm falls off]
Pirate with Scarf: Can we get there?
Pirate Captain: Yes, but unfortunately there's this dirty great sea monster in the way.
Charles Darwin: I think they just add those on the maps for decoration.
Pirate Captain: Is that a fact?
[they go that way, and the monster appears and eats the ship]
Pirate with Scarf: See? I told you!
Pirate Captain: What pirates? Nobody here but us girl scouts!
[the crew is disguised in scout uniforms]
Bobo: Yeah. Right.
Black Bellamy: You want to be Pirate of the Year? Do they just give it to the guy with the fattest parrot?
Pirate Captain: She's not fat, she's just big-boned!
Black Bellamy: She's fat, dude!
[the Dodo vomits on Bellamy]
Black Bellamy: Dude, come on!
Pirate Captain: Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat...
Peg Leg Hastings: The Pirate of the Year Awards...
Pirate Captain: Every time I've entered, I've failed to win. So, I must have a really good chance this time!