Hansel: We learned a couple of things while we were trapped in that house. One, never walk in to a house made of candy. And two, if you're gonna kill a witch, set her ass on fire.
[to Mina and Ben, as they approach the witch's house]
Hansel: Whatever you do, don't eat the fuckin' candy.
Gretel: The Curse of Hunger for Crawling Things. I fucking hate that one.
Gretel: Wow, this is amazing. And, uh, weird.
Hansel: It's a little creepy.
Gretel: You really keep all this stuff?
Hansel: [trying to end the conversation] All right, well...
Ben: I just have SO many questions, do you mind?
Hansel: [still trying to end the conversation] You know, we have...
Gretel: Oh no, no no no, you go ahead.
[smirks as Hansel kicks her under the table]
Ben: All right, uh, okay, uh, how do you best kill a witch?
Gretel: [innocently] Hansel?
Hansel: [pauses to glare at Gretel] Uh, cutting off their heads tends to work... and ripping out their hearts... and skinning them is also nice...
Gretel: Yeah, but burning them is the best way, 'cause it's the only way to be safe.
Ben: Burning, yeah, of course!
Hansel: [muttering into his mug] Burn 'em all...
Muriel: [picks up a missing child poster] I see you got my invitation.
Gretel: Say your name before my arrows rip out your throat.
Muriel: I go by many names. None of which you are worthy of pronouncing.
[Muriel grins as she slowly reveals her true self to Gretel]
Gretel: [whispers] Oh my God!
[Pointing gun at camera]
Gretel: I hate to break this to you, but this isn't gonna be an open casket.
Hansel: Me and my sister... we have a past. We almost died at the hands of a witch. But that past made us stronger. We'd gotten a taste of blood. Witch blood. And we haven't stopped since.
[Hansel's timer goes off]
Mina: Are you alright?
Hansel: Yeah. When I was a kid, a witch made me eat so much candy, I got sick. Something happened to me. I have to take this injection every few hours or else I die.
Hansel: Some people will say that not all witches are evil, that their powers could be used for good. I say burn them all!
Hansel and Gretel's Mother: Take them into the forest now.
Muriel: [sarcastically to Mina] What you gonna do? Hit me with your love spell?
[Mina lets fly with a bolt from a dark witch's dropped wand; Muriel dodges]
Muriel: Not bad.
[pins Mina to a wall]
Muriel: Sacrificing yourself for a mortal... pathetic.
[Muriel stabs Mina in the stomach with a dagger]
Sheriff Berringer: [as his henchmen hold Gretel] This time, I do the talkin', and you do the bleedin'.
[Gretel viciously bites his nose, drawing blood]
[Hansel and Mina are bathing in a pool of healing waters]
Hansel: I got it. You know, the last time I was in waters like this, I came across a formidable serpent witch. She mostly looked like a toad, but she could breathe underwater, which made her difficult to track. She was deadly.
Mina: [swims up to Hansel and silences him] Shh. You talk too much.
[kisses Hansel and seduces him]