- Morticia Addams: How thoughtful. Itt wants Lurch to enjoy his night off, so he'll drive.
- Gomez Addams: Cousin Itt can't see over the steering wheel! Why, he might drive off a cliff! Cara mia...
- Morticia Addams: Are you thinking what I am?
- Gomez Addams: Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Uncle Fester: [in regards to Lurch being dumped by his girlfriend] Well, what do you want me to do? Go downstairs and build him a new girlfriend?
- Gomez Addams: [leaping into the air] Fester, eureka!
- Uncle Fester: [laughs] I wish, but it's just this ten pounds of cheese I'm aging in my coat!
- Gomez Addams: Ah, Tish, Sunday's wouldn't be the same without our backyard brunches! A hearty meal, family togetherness...
- Morticia Addams: And Uncle Fester rolling around in the cemetery!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, did you notice that the brownies aren't moving.
- Gomez Addams: And there's nothing in my tea except tea! It's not like Lurch to be so slipshod!
- [Lurch falls into a grave]
- Uncle Fester: Oh, my. Lurch! Old buddy, old pal, speak to me! Are you hurt? Any bones broken? You gonna eat that earthworm?
- Pugsley Addams: Maybe we can look around Lurch's room and find out what's bugging him!
- [Wednesday and Pugsley slop into Lurch's room]
- Wednesday Addams: Methinks we shouldn't be in here...
- Pugsley Addams: Ah, Lurch said we could watch his TV anytime we wanted. So let's rummage!
- [starts going through Lurch's belongings until Wednesday grabs him]
- Pugsley Addams: Hey!
- Wednesday Addams: [grabs] Calm down, Attila!
- Wednesday Addams: I didn't know Lurch had a girlfriend...
- Pugsley Addams: Listen to this letter! "Dear, Lurch... uh..."
- Wednesday Addams: Oh, no! She left him!
- Morticia Addams: Family, we need to rally together to help poor heartbroken Lurch.
- Gomez Addams: Capital idea, Tish! Let's arrange a date for him with Aunt Ben!
- Morticia Addams: But darling, Aunt Ben is a man... I think.
- Uncle Fester: [a la Dr Frankenstein] It's ready! It's ready!
- Pugsley Addams: What's ready, Uncle Fester?
- Wednesday Addams: Lurch's girlfriend?
- Uncle Fester: Nah! My monkey-hair hoagie!
- Uncle Fester: Hey, Lurch, are you a jungle kind of guy?
- [Lurch moans]
- Uncle Fester: Okay, we'll skip that one...
- Uncle Fester: [at a remote] Hey, I forgot what this button's for... let mr see...
- [presses the button, he blows up]
- Wednesday Addams: [at the door] I was hoping you'd come back...
- [Lurch's girlfriend enters]
- Lurch: Uuuhhhh. Yoouuu caaammmmee baaaccckk...
- Wednesday Addams: I wrote to her, Lurch, and told her you really care, but you just have this tiny problem expressing yourself.
- [Cousin Itt arrives]
- Morticia Addams: Why, Cousin Itt, what brings you out our way?
- [Itt jabbers]
- Gomez Addams: You saw Fester's robot from a spy satellite, and wanted to ask her out?...
- [Itt jabbers an affirmative]
- Gomez Addams: Go for it, old bean!
- [Itt jabbers]
- Morticia Addams: Isn't that sweet? Cousin Itt wants to double date with Lurch and his girlfriend.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, just think how much fun two lumbering hulks, a robot and a ball of hair can have together.
- Morticia Addams: We could get Fester to babysit and make it a triple date...
- Gomez Addams: Querida! You're a genius!