Photos
Quotes
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Susan Harper : Yes, Ben. I want to get a dog.
Ben Harper : [Thinking Susan wanted more kids] Ah, hahahaha! Thank God for that.
Susan Harper : You're OK with that?
Ben Harper : Absolutely not!
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Susan Harper : Please, Ben. Let's get a dog.
Ben Harper : Isn't this house crowded enough? It's like the hotel in "The Shining", except it's never vacant and I don't get to go crazy and kill the family.
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Ben Harper : Owning a pet takes responsibility. Remember what happened to the goldfish?
Susan Harper : Yes, you killed it.
Ben Harper : You told me to clean the tank.
Susan Harper : You're supposed to take the fish out first. Goldie didn't stand a chance.
Ben Harper : Goldie came out nice and clean, though.
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Susan Harper : It's been years since we had a dog. Remember how much you loved Muffin?
Ben Harper : Muffin! I hated Muffin.
Susan Harper : If you had fixed the fence like I'd asked you to, he wouldn't have run away.
Ben Harper : He didn't run away, he escaped. He's probably sunning himself in a beach in Acapulco.
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Susan Harper : Ben, I'm going to let you into a little secret. A secret that has kept our marriage alive all these years. When I ask your opinion about something, 99% of the time the decision has already been made.
Ben Harper : What?
Susan Harper : Every paint colour I've asked you about, every movie we've been to, every new car - pre-determined.
Ben Harper : No, no, no! I picked the Volvo!
Susan Harper : You wanted a Fiat, I said Volvo.
Ben Harper : [pause] Bloody hell, it's true!
Susan Harper : It's easier that way.
Ben Harper : So, I get no choice?
Susan Harper : Yes! Your choice is to get a dog!
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Ben Harper : Dogs don't really like me.
Susan Harper : It's not just dogs, Ben.
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Ben Harper : Why don't you just get another dog?
Susan Harper : I don't want another dog.
Ben Harper : We could teach Alfie to fetch!
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Susan Harper : Who is she to judge me? Calling me an unfit mother! How dare she!
Ben Harper : Mother?
Susan Harper : What?
Ben Harper : Mother! You said 'unfit mother'!
Susan Harper : I meant... I meant 'owner'.
Ben Harper : Hahahaha! I see! This is what it's all about, is it? Look, just because you're unfit to own a dog, doesn't mean you're unfit to be a mother.
Susan Harper : That's weird. It sounded like a compliment, but actually it wasn't.
Ben Harper : No, it was. It was a compliment. You are a wonderful mother. A wonderful mother. And I don't mind admitting it, but our kids aren't half bad.
Susan Harper : True. The bad half is all your fault.
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Ben Harper : Look, I think you may have gotten the wrong impression about Susan.
Mrs Philbin : I think she is prickly, manipulative and unstable.
Ben Harper : Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Yep, yep. I'll give you those. Yep.
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Ben Harper : Susan is a stable, sane and responsible woman, and her only crime is that she loves too much. And isn't that the point - finding these dogs a loving home?
Mrs Philbin : Well, you see, dogs don't just need love. They need discipline.
Ben Harper : Oh, I can assure you, she's a real ball-breaker!
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Ben Harper : What the hell are you doing in there?
Susan Harper : [after locking herself in a dog kennel] Protesting the injustices and degradations that are occurring in this dog prison!
Mrs Philbin : Mrs Harper, these kennels are for animals!
Susan Harper : They're not fit for animals! They're cold, depressing, horribly decorated! I'm surprised the dogs haven't rioted!
Ben Harper : Susan, you do not have to do this!
Susan Harper : I do! I owe it to our dog that could have been! And I've informed the media of my protest!
Ben Harper : Susan, I have just told Mrs Philbin that you are a sane, stable and responsible woman, and she said she would let you have the dog!
Susan Harper : [pause] Really?
Mrs Philbin : No!
