Sonny: Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.
Evelyn: Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.
Muriel: Most things don't. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.
[It is builder's tea]
Evelyn: , we dunk biscuits into it.
Sunaina's Brother: Dunk?
Evelyn: Means lowering the biscuit into the tea and letting it soak in there and trying to calculate the exact moment before the biscuit dissolves, when you whip it up into your mouth and enjoy the blissful union of biscuits and tea combined. It's more relaxing than it sounds.
Orderly: My wife is from Mumbai.
Muriel: Well don't blame me, you married her!
Jean: As long as such a fall happens to occur right next to the panic button.
Sonny: [trying to reach a fallen Norman] Let me through, my brother is a doctor.
Graham Dashwood: I'm gay - although nowadays more in theory than in practice.
Norman Cousins: [eulogizing] His relationship with all his pupils was founded on respect. We respected him, and he respected that.
Jean: Are you insane? Avoid all food not from a reputable vendor. It'll be washed in impure water.
Douglas Ainslie: It's just a sandwich.
Jean: Oh, marvelous. Then I'll have ham, cheese, and streptococcus. Or perhaps bacteria, lettuce, and tomato.
Douglas Ainslie: Would you like some of this? I believe it's called aloo ka paratha.
Muriel: No, if I can't pronounce it, I don't want to eat it.
Sonny: Your bedroom.
Madge Hardcastle: Where?
Sonny: Here. In here.
Madge Hardcastle: My dear man, rooms have doors. What you're showing me here is an alcove.
Douglas Ainslie: I invested our, well, my retirement money in our daughter's Internet company. She assured me that as soon as the startup actually, um, started up and the conversion from virtual to actual became sufficiently viable, then she'd be able to pay it all back.
Evelyn: I'm not sure I understand what most of those words mean.
Douglas Ainslie: Well, it turns out neither did she.
Muriel's Physiotherapist: How is the hip feeling?
Muriel: They must have got lucky.
Muriel's Physiotherapist: It's strange. The more operations they perform, the luckier they get.
Graham Dashwood: Good evening, Mrs. Ainslie. You have a good day? What did you get up to?
Jean: Well, I started in my bedroom where I spent a happy couple of hours giving all the cockroaches names. And then after lunch, that will long have a place in my heartburn, I came out here and stared blindly at a book waiting for someone - anyone - to rescue me. And how glad I am it was you.
Sonny: [showing around a potential investor] Please can you describe to us in as much detail as you desire your experience of the ambiance and atmosphere of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
Muriel: Words fail me.
Sonny: Ah, the English wit we love so greatly.
Sonny: [whisking his visitor away] See, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
Madge Hardcastle: One was rather hoping to fly under the radar, but one is a member of the royal family.
Mr. Maruthi: Which member, madam?
Madge Hardcastle: I'm Princess Margaret.
Mr. Maruthi: It is most certainly an honor to meet you, madam. And may I say how well you look, especially taking into account that you died nine years ago.
Norman Cousins: My name's Norman, and I'm lonely.
Carol: My name's Carol. So am I.
Evelyn: There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. Only a present that builds and creates itself as the past withdraws.
Jean: In fact, I think I've been looking for you for a very long time.
Graham Dashwood: Mrs. Ainslie.
Graham Dashwood: I'm gay.
Jean: ...As in... happy?
Norman Cousins: This is it.
Madge Hardcastle: You're not worried about thre danger of having sex at your age?
Norman Cousins: If she dies, she dies.
Evelyn: Is it our friend we are grieving for, whose life we knew so little? Or is it our own loss that we are mourning? Have we traveled far enough that we can allow our tears to fall?
Madge Hardcastle: When someone dies, you think about your own life. And I don't want to grow older. I don't want to be condescended to. To become marginalized and ignored by society. I don't want to be the first person they let off the plane in a hostage crisis.
Sonny: You see? Profound satisfaction. Such is the inevitable result of a prolonged stay at the Marigold Hotel. To create a home for the elderly so wonderful that they will simply refuse to die. Stare death in the face and say... What are those men doing?
Evelyn: Didn't you have a girlfriend?
Sonny: She is my girlfriend no longer.
Evelyn: This is a disaster.
Sonny: No, no. Then we must treat it just the same as we would treat a triumph, madam. Is that not what your Mr. Kipling tells us? Although, of course, here we have a problem, because I, Sunil Indrajit Kapoor, have never had a triumph. So, of course, I do not know how to treat one. No, all I've had is a constant series of disasters interspersed with occasional catastrophe, an unending stream of total...
Evelyn: Sonny, Sonny, do you love her?
Carol: You haven't met anyone?
Madge Hardcastle: Single by choice. Just not my choice.
Douglas Ainslie: She was upset.
Jean: Oh spare me your explanation. Do you think I'm jealous?
Douglas Ainslie: I don't see why else you would have emabarrassed me... and Evelyn.
Jean: You seem to be doing a perfectly good job of embarrassing yourself. Can you imagine how ghastly it is for everyone to see you mooning around after that simpering, doe-eyed ex-housewife, taking advantage of her loneliness...
Douglas Ainslie: Look. Can you hear yourself? Can you? Do you have any idea what a terrible person you have become? All you give out is this endless negativity, a refusal to see any kind of light and joy, even when it's staring you in the face, and a desperate need to squash any sign of happiness in me or... or... or... anyone else. It's a wonder that I don't fling myself at the first kind word or gesture that comes my way, but I don't, ou... ou... ou... out of some sense of dried-up loyalty and respect, neither of which I ever bloody get in return.
Jean: [long pause] I checked my emails. There's one from Laura.
Jean: The whole thing is actually tremendously exciting. Not just getting on the plane, but getting on the plane and turning left.
Norman Cousins: Turning left?
Jean: First class. And home in time for our fortieth wedding anniversary. We haven't quite decided how to mark the occasion.
Madge Hardcastle: Perhaps a minute's silence.
Evelyn: You're still here.
Douglas Ainslie: I... I missed the plane.
Evelyn: What about Jean?
Douglas Ainslie: She didn't. I had... I had quite an interesting night actually. I... I met the same... um... taxi driver, but this time I let him take me to his brother's hotel, which turned out to be less of a hotel and more of a... more of a brothel really. And... and they gave... they gave me this pipe, said it was apple tobacco but that's not what they called it when I was a student, so... so I made my excuses and left. I needed time to think. This city at night is extraordinary. I think the apple tobacco helped... probably.
Evelyn: [Flustered] I just need some water...
[downs the contents of Madge's glass]
Madge Hardcastle: That was a gin and tonic!
Evelyn: I know that now.
Evelyn: Can there be anywhere else in the world that is such an assault on the senses? Those who know the country of old just go about their business. But nothing can prepare the uninitiated for this riot of noise and color. For the heat, the motion; the perpetual teeming crowds.
Sonny: Let's meet somewhere else. I will rent a hotel room!
Sunaina: Sonny, you own a hotel - it has many rooms.
Sonny: Some of which are now occupied with actual real guests!
Sunaina: Paying guests?
Sonny: Why must you nit-pick? It is not an attractive quality.
Mrs. Kapoor: Do I need a reason to visit my favorite son?
Sonny: No - he's at his mansion in Dehli.
Mrs. Kapoor: Alright, my second favorite!
Sonny: He went to Canada to make his fortune.
Sonny: I have a dream, MummyJi, a most brilliant one. To outsource old age! And it is not just for the British, there are many other countries where they don't like old people too!
Evelyn: The person who risks nothing, does nothing. Has nothing.