Old Ted said he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with Stella. He acted like he was pleasantly surprised to see Stella and Tony. Robin thought Ted should've let her have it, but Marshall and Barney praised him for playing it cool.
"Give it a week," Barney said. "You'll get her back. And front."
Ted said he didn't want Stella back, but that night his mind began to wander with fantasies about Stella coming to him. Then, he had one where he opened the door and Tony stood there in his karate uniform, saying, "Hello, Ted."
Tony came in and laid on Ted's couch and told him he wanted to make it up to Ted for taking Stella away from him when Ted and Stella were engaged. Tony said he had "a lot of money." Marshall, Barney and Robin hoped Tony handed Ted a check. Tony explained his parents give a lot of money to Columbia University, and he wanted him to become a professor there. Ted said he didn't want the job and asked for a new subject.
Barney brought up the fact that he got a ticket and Marshall said he should've talked his way out of it. Marshall recalled talking his way out of a ticket in 1998 by telling the cop he was speeding to a barbecue. Marshall said he knew it would work because the cop smelled like barbecue and had mustard on his holster. Barney accepted the challenge and decided that because he is the master of manipulation and can get a stripper to may him for a lap dance, he could talk his way out of a ticket.
Tony came to Ted's again, this time talking about a friend who wanted a new house built. Tony handed Ted, "a big fat check."
Barney races down the highway, baiting a cop to pull him over. Barney handed the cop a gift certificate for a custom-tailored tux. He got a $370 ticket, and the cop kept the gift certificate. Robin then told them how she cried her way out of a ticket. Barney headed back to New Jersey.
Ted explained that his new client didn't care much about the house, but the guy was kind of creepy and had an odd request for a laundry room that was 15 feet by 15 feet. He wanted stained-proof ceramic tile from floor to ceiling. He wanted steel chains dangling from the ceiling at a height of nine feet, where his "laundry bags will hang for three days and three nights before I ... clean them."
The gang decided the guy wanted Ted to design a murder house. Marshall was freaked out. The man then said he needed the place to be soundproof because he tends to make a lot of noise when he "does laundry."
Barney got another cop to pull him over and claimed he was speeding because his wife was having a baby. When the cop asked where his wife was, Barney said, "She took the other car," noting that his seats were Italian leather. The cop proceeded to write the ticket.
Tony apologized to Ted for the "murder house thing," saying, "that was my bad." Then he told Ted he could design the Statue of Liberty a husband, because he's got pull with the city.
Ted told Tony to stop and said he didn't want Stella back. "I'm better off without her," Ted said. "She's all yours, buddy." Tony said he was relieved and left.
Tony left and Old Ted thought he was putting the whole thing behind him ... or so he thought. Stella knocked on Ted's door that night and said Tony broke up with her.
Stella said Tony broke up with her because of something Ted said. Robin thought it was awesome that Ted got Tony to break up with Stella. Stella explained to Ted that he reminded her about how to be in love, but she never stopped loving Tony. Ted wanted Stella to leave, but Stella asked Ted to talk to Tony.
Meanwhile, Barney was getting pulled over again, but this time is was by a female office. He sweet-talked her a bit and she told him to get out of the car. "Why, am I under arrest?" Barney asked.
"No," she said, unzipping her uniform to expose her bra, "but you're about to be under me."
"No, false, did not happen," Robin said.
Marshall said that was a line from a porno. "I've seen that porno," Marshall said. "Hell, I've made that porno."
Barney asked them when they were going to realize that "the only difference between my life and a porno is that my life has better lighting."
Barney swore on his mother, Goliath National Bank and his suits, that he wasn't lying. He was lying. What really happened was that Barney was arrested because he had 15 moving violations in three days. She pulled a gun on Barney and he screamed. Barney asked him to come to New Jersey and bail him out. Ted asked Stella to drive him to New Jersey to bail Barney out.
Stella apologized to Ted again and he said he'd talk to Tony because he wanted her to be happy. Ted said something that changed Tony's mind. He and Stella got back together and moved to California, where Stella became a tattoo remover and Tony became a screenwriter, writing a movie called "The Wedding Bride," but Old Ted promised we'd get to that later.
Ted opened up to Stella that he wanted what Stella and Tony had, and what Marshall and Lily had. "I'm tired of waiting," Ted told Stella. She promised Ted "she's on her way, and she's getting here as fast as she can."
Ted said goodbye to Stella and stood outside his apartment building, holding that yellow umbrella. He stood there for a moment, then walked up the steps to go inside.
Lily returned to McClaren's and admitted she may have over-reacted to Barney's peanut-butter-and-jam joke and it made her laugh a little. She asked what was going on and Barney said he was going to an amnesia ward "with a bunch of photos and my wedding ring. I'm going to find the hottest patient/my wife, and I'm going to..." Lily cut him off and said that was enough for one night. "I've gotta ease back into this, see you tomorrow!"