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498 out of 761 people found the following review useful:
Ugh..., 30 June 2011
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Author:
devolucija from Croatia
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
// Minor spoilers and bad guy ultimate plot revealed in last paragraph,
but it's so stupid you want to know it. Long and rant filled review.
Let's start with 10 stars.
Rosie and Shia wouldn't know how to fake chemistry if someone wrapped a
lead pipe in the periodic table and beat them upside their botoxed
faces for an hour. The romance part is so awful, so cheesy in this
movie, it takes down a star right off the bat. I will also mention the
"romance" between Optimus Prime and America - the "one and only real
and holy country in the world". *puke*
9 / 10.
Rosie has to be mentioned again as a standalone entry. I can imagine
how the casting went.. Bay walks into modeling agency, closes his eyes
and says "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, you're the clone that comes along!",
thereby picking out the 403rd pair of tits in the lineup. A horrible
actress, pretentious character and a so obnoxiously unnecessary role
the movie would have been two stars better if she were not there at
all. Also, lips are not supposed to look like that. If I was Shia, I'd
worry "Are you sure your lips don't hurt? Can we kiss? Won't a stitch
break or something?"
7 / 10.
At one point, a guy "hacks" a bridge. He logs into the "bridge control"
, and lowers it. Hollywood, bridges do not have an open internet
connection with a designated port for "Bridge Control API", otherwise
every hacker would be lowering and raising bridges everywhere.
6 / 10.
Since the black guy stereotypes in Transformers2 got some bad rep, Bay
went the other way this time - Irish and Scottish. Yes, there is a
green robot with an Irish accent, and a red robot with a huge belly and
a beard, with a Scottish accent. How did that happen? Did they scan an
Ire/Scot when they landed instead of a car? If so, weren't they
supposed to turn into the robot-terminator-chick type from Transformers
2?
5 / 10.
Physics. Oh god, the physics. Dear Michael Bay, please realize the
following: a) Moon sand is a highly corrosive and metal-unfriendly
substance. Any kind of moving metalpart coming in that much contact
with it would self destruct by the time it made 3 steps. b) One plane
was enough to collapse a Twin Tower into dust. A seventy million
billion ton robot shooting and crashing into a building will not make
it "tilt slightly" and when that building falls, it will not get stuck
between two others like a bridge, ever, regardless what it's made of,
especially if that same robot is still crawling through it and
destroying chunks. c) When stuff explodes near people, people tend to
be stunned, burned and / or get shrapnel shot into their spines. They
do not sit idly by and contemplate the situation. So if a grenade
explodes in an office cubicle next to the one where the protagonist is
standing, he will most probably DIE. d) You cannot grab a SHARP, MAD,
DANGEROUS robot by the neck and keep it in control. You will LOSE YOUR
FINGERS. e) Do you have any idea how much extra it costs to send an
extra kilogram into space in a shuttle? Now imagine how much fuel and
money you would need to send 10 million-ton robots into space with a
regular human space shuttle launcher. f) When people fly through glass,
they ALWAYS get cut. When they fly through 10 panes of glass, they DIE.
When they fly through 20, they DON'T, because they got impaled on the
12th or 13th.
4/10
Stealing characters from other franchises just for the kick of it is
not cool. You have a predator robot, a robot that is "Q from James
Bond", etc. What...?
3 / 10.
Plot: If I was an evil genius and built a war-turning technology, I
definitely would not build it so that it has exactly one weak point
that, if struck, undoes absolutely everything it ever did, and I would
definitely not leave it exposed. The bad guys' ultimate plan was to
teleport their PLANET to Earth's atmosphere in order to rebuild it.
This raises several issues: 1) You would have approximately 10 minutes
to live, before Earth and Cybertron collided due to gravity. Those 10
minutes would be filled with an apocalypse due to uncontrollable floods
caused by tides. 2) If you want 6 billion people for the sole purpose
of slave labor, you should think about point 1). Also, it is stupid to
believe 6 billion people could rebuild a robotic planet sooner or
better than 1000 decepticons - you not only have to accommodate and
feed the people, but also modify the planet's surface for them to be
able to move on it. 3) There is a part where Megatron is chillaxing in
an alley after a big fight, and the flat-lipped wonder of a model-clone
that is Carly comes up to him spewing some bullshit about the other bad
guy getting ready to betray him. Now, even if she made a point, I would
still CRUSH that human insect. A meaningless pretentious bitch telling
me what to think? I'm a god damn eleventy billion ton robot, you skank!
*crush* The other critically stupid thing is the fact that Megatron
then prevents the other bad guy from killing Optimus. If you have two
enemies who are fighting, it is generally not a good idea to prevent
them from killing each other! And while we're here, the decepticons
could have won if the bad guy had just used one of the 994208 chances
to kill Optimus he's had up until this point.
This brings the movie down to 1/10, but I'll give it a star for
excellent special effects. 2/10.
357 out of 615 people found the following review useful:
Amazing visual spectacle but tedious and full of clichés, 28 June 2011
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Author:
Freddy Cox from United Kingdom
This film is certainly an outstanding visual spectacle that boasts some
of the most impressive, fluid and stunning cgi sequences I've ever
seen. The photography is fantastic and the 3d technology is used
effectively to create stunning, visually amazing scenes. However, that
is the only aspect of the film that I believe deserves merit at all.
Despite the continuous action, destruction and battles, I found this
film to be extremely boring, and the final battle, which claimed the
last hour of the film was far too long and drawn out and it greatly
prevented me from appreciating the visual spectacle that is the final
battle as it's so long it becomes tedious and I couldn't wait for it to
end.
The extensive use of cgi action scenes was what ruined the film for me,
and although I never fully agree with the typical view that modern
films have too much cgi and effects and not enough good story, this
film certainly presented a convincing case that the above statement is
true. As there is so much shooting, exploding and fighting in this film
there is relatively little time for dialogue, which was largely, poorly
written, and full of clichés.
Finally, I didn't rate the casting of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley or her
performance. She has clearly been chosen for the role for her good
looks and her great sex appeal although I think she shines brighter as
an underwear model than blockbuster film actress. Also, It seems
unbelievable to me that Shia LaBeouf's character, although not a bad
looking guy, has been in relationships with 2 characters played by
women who have both topped the annual FHM 100 sexiest women in the
world poll. Rosie has clearly been cast to attract more male viewers,
bring sex appeal that the film didn't really need and throughout struck
me as being far out of Shia's league.
219 out of 346 people found the following review useful:
Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Some Things Never Change, 8 July 2011
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Author:
goldwriting from www.theendofthepage.com
I'm going to commit what to many will seem like film geek treason, I
will now connect Michael Bay and Terrence Malick into one theory of
filmmaking.
Yep, deal with it.
Malick and Bay share one important thing and that is a completely
unabashed tunnelvision for the type of film they want, damn the
naysayers, critics and crowds. They both make movies mainly for
themselves and in truth, there is nothing wrong with that. As an
audience member you need to know going in exactly what you are going to
get. It is the only way to really enjoy anything that falls from the
cameras of these two (and some other notables). With that said, let's
dive headlong into the metallic masterpiece of summertime popcorn,
Transformers!
Transformers: Dark of the Moon continues the story of Sam Witwicky and
his Autobot friends. While Sam struggles to gain a purpose in life
outside of Decepticon attacks, the Autobots are off helping the
government on secret missions. Then everything is torn apart by the
discovery of the original Autobot escape ship, known as The Ark, and
the captain of that ship, Sentinel Prime. He alone holds the key to
technology that could either help reshape the Transformers home world
or completely destroy ours. The Decepticons, completely aware of this
discovery, make an immediate power play and the war is back, bigger
than ever.
Kids buying the Transformer toys today only want one thing, huge robots
in spectacular 3D slow motion destroying each other and every building
in sight. From this narrow viewpoint, Bay delivers in bulk. The highway
fight sequence brought back memories of other high-speed terror scenes
like in Matrix Reloaded and The Island (maybe a little too reminiscent
of that last one according to some eagle eyed movie nerds). Since Bay
actually filmed these scenes in the latest and greatest 3D technology,
it was admittedly pretty amazing to watch. In other scenes, some of the
CGI was so intensely crisp that it actually started popping too far
from the live footage, making it stand out, which ruins a little of the
illusion.
So the special effects is where it was at. Big robots, big explosions,
big buildings falling down. Those were the high points.
The low points were pretty much everything else.
Standing in the center of all the toys-on-roids insanity is Shia
LaBeouf, who in my opinion is a really good actor banking inside really
bad movies. I can't fault him for taking parts in some of the biggest
franchises in movie history (Transformers and Indiana Jones) because
the exposure and paycheck are nearly impossible to pass up, but in
terms of showing his skills as an actor, those hefty titles have done
him nothing but a painful disservice. He made his big splash on the
scene in the Disney TV show Even Stevens and then on the big screen in
the Rear Window update, Disturbia. Many people also don't remember one
of my personal favorite performances in the Project
Greenlight-sponsored film, The Battle of Shaker Heights. Shia has the
chops, but gets surrounded by weak emotional performances, both from
CGI and real people. In this outing, Megan Fox's eye candy character
was replaced by Victoria Secret's model (and current Jason Statham
girlfriend), Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Whiteley was an improvement in
sense of acting ability, but the part was written levels below what Fox
was given. The original love interest had layers, depth and some edge,
while Whiteley was given virtually no background, no emotional outlet
and nothing to do but stand there and be hot. Sure, the 12-year old in
the audience doesn't want or need more, but to them I say, "Go grab a
Victoria Secret's catalog from your parent's bathroom and stay out of
my movie."
Beyond the magical pair of leads, Bay brings back the regular tough
guys, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson, to keep on keeping on. They both
do fine jobs and don't try to make this more than it is. Coming in for
the first time in the franchise is Frances McDormand, an Academy Award
winner to class up the joint. While she was amusing and brought a
little more skill to the screen, her part was borderline over-the-top,
even in a movie with three story tall robots, because she had to
balance out John Tuturro who drifts somewhere off to Hunter S. Thompson
land. As if they weren't enough, Bay decides to bring in an unusual
amount of big name cameos, including John Malkovich (who does a decent
job in his few scenes) and Ken Jeong (who seems to be acting in a
completely different movie, possibly thinks he's filming Hangover 3). I
saved the best for last though, my personal favorite and the only
person I was actually thrilled to see appear on screen, Alan Tudyk (who
plays Tuturo's assistant/bodyguard). Tudyk is a cult TV and film legend
to his legions of fans spanning from the days of Firefly, Dollhouse and
other projects not created by Joss Wheedon. Tudyk was the one person I
actually cheered form when he magically appeared on screen.
I could go into a section now where I talk about the story, the plot
lines, the connective tissue of the writing, but in reality, Bay didn't
really care and neither do the younger members of the crowd, so let's
just skip it.
The End of the Page recommendation: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
starts slow, goes out with a bang and delivers surface entertainment
for the middle school crowd.
312 out of 533 people found the following review useful:
I have seen the future of horror, and his name is Michael Bay, 30 June 2011
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Author:
usskirkncc3001 from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
He has now made two blockbuster movies which make no sense no matter
how many ways you try to put them together, and people don't seem to
care. The critics have brutally trashed both this movie and "The
Fallen" movie, yet audiences love both films although they seem to have
been put together by a group of 2nd graders who playing out randomly
strung together old cartoon episodes with their toys.
I am an old school fan who liked the first two movies, but "Dark of the
Moon" makes "Fallen" look like Shakespeare. It's incredible how many
people are saying that this movie is better than "Fallen". With all its
faults, at least "Fallen" had humor, some incredible action sequences
and effects, and an interesting, if incomplete, script. This movie has
none of these things. This is a very long and boring movie that wastes
the talents of good actors. The attempts at humor are painful to watch.
The three Transformers movies cannot be connected now no matter how
hard you try. To make another sequel would be ludicrous, but seeing how
much money this drivel is making already, I bet they have already taken
the five minutes needed to write the next one. The original writers
were smart to bail out of this train wreck after Bay made them write
"Fallen" in a couple of days and went on to butcher the little that
they had time to write. This time there was no writers' strike, so I
expected better--like explanations and connections across all three
films. You'll get none of that here, just more incomprehensible
nonsense that ignores the other films. You don't know what's going on
half the time, and the final battle has no pacing, motivation, or
orientation--it just drags on and on and on---like that 20 minute
desert sequence in "The Fallen" multiplied by 10.
What happened to the Cube's knowledge in Sam's brain? Why was Sentinel
Prime's ship shot down by the people that were working with him? How
was Megatron going to rendezvous with him if they ended up finding
earth in different time periods? Why did Megatron go after the cube if
the original plan seemed to be to enslave earth and transport Cybertron
there using the space bridge? How did Sentinel's ship crash on earth's
moon if it was shot down over Cybertron? Why didn't Megatron go after
the Space Bridge parts when he awoke in the first movie? Why didn't he
after he awoke in the second movie? Why didn't they use the shard in
the second movie to activate Sentinel on the moon instead of Megatron?
How did Sentinel, the Cube, and the Sun Harvester all end up on earth?
Why are the Transformers not even bothering to project human images in
their car modes anymore? Why does Prime carry The Matrix of Leadership
(a key to activate the Sun Harvester) inside of him and use it to
energize Autobots which it is not meant to do? When, why, and how did
an entire army of generic Decepticons hide inside of the moon? Why do
the Transformers transform? These are just a few of about a hundred
questions that this movie brings up. I suspect that not even Michael
Bay knows the answers, and he doesn't care. it's insulting.
There are some good ideas, but it's all put together very badly, and
not much is explained. Watching this movie gave me the feeling that Bay
and the actors are here to wrap this up and are not interested in this
material. The studios will be pressuring him to make #4, so he can get
some 3rd graders together to write a script again---yet another group
of Autobots has been buried in a volcano for 4 million years! They can
transform to dinosaurs-- no explanation is necessary. Out of all of the
planets in the infinite universe, their ship crashed on earth
because...well because the script says so. They were looking for the
cube, no-- the Harvester, no-- the space bridge, no wait...they were
looking for the ancestor of Michael Bay. If Bay is never born, these
movies would never exist and we can reboot.
136 out of 186 people found the following review useful:
ho-ho-horrendous, 25 July 2011
Author:
petit76 from United States
He has now made two blockbuster movies which make no sense no matter
how many ways you try to put them together, and people don't seem to
care. The critics have brutally trashed both this movie and "The
Fallen" movie, yet audiences love both films although they seem to have
been put together by a group of 2nd graders who playing out randomly
strung together old cartoon episodes with their toys.
I am an old school fan who liked the first two movies, but "Dark of the
Moon" makes "Fallen" look like Shakespeare. It's incredible how many
people are saying that this movie is better than "Fallen". With all its
faults, at least "Fallen" had humor, some incredible action sequences
and effects, and an interesting, if incomplete, script. This movie has
none of these things. This is a very long and boring movie that wastes
the talents of good actors. The attempts at humor are painful to watch.
The three Transformers movies cannot be connected now no matter how
hard you try. To make another sequel would be ludicrous, but seeing how
much money this drivel is making already, I bet they have already taken
the five minutes needed to write the next one. The original writers
were smart to bail out of this train wreck after Bay made them write
"Fallen" in a couple of days and went on to butcher the little that
they had time to write. This time there was no writers' strike, so I
expected better--like explanations and connections across all three
films. You'll get none of that here, just more incomprehensible
nonsense that ignores the other films. You don't know what's going on
half the time, and the final battle has no pacing, motivation, or
orientation--it just drags on and on and on---like that 20 minute
desert sequence in "The Fallen" multiplied by 10.
What happened to the Cube's knowledge in Sam's brain? Why was Sentinel
Prime's ship shot down by the people that were working with him? How
was Megatron going to rendezvous with him if they ended up finding
earth in different time periods? Why did Megatron go after the cube if
the original plan seemed to be to enslave earth and transport Cybertron
there using the space bridge? How did Sentinel's ship crash on earth's
moon if it was shot down over Cybertron? Why didn't Megatron go after
the Space Bridge parts when he awoke in the first movie? Why didn't he
after he awoke in the second movie? Why didn't they use the shard in
the second movie to activate Sentinel on the moon instead of Megatron?
How did Sentinel, the Cube, and the Sun Harvester all end up on earth?
Why are the Transformers not even bothering to project human images in
their car modes anymore? Why does Prime carry The Matrix of Leadership
(a key to activate the Sun Harvester) inside of him and use it to
energize Autobots which it is not meant to do? When, why, and how did
an entire army of generic Decepticons hide inside of the moon? Why do
the Transformers transform? These are just a few of about a hundred
questions that this movie brings up. I suspect that not even Michael
Bay knows the answers, and he doesn't care. it's insulting.
There are some good ideas, but it's all put together very badly, and
not much is explained. Watching this movie gave me the feeling that Bay
and the actors are here to wrap this up and are not interested in this
material. The studios will be pressuring him to make #4, so he can get
some 3rd graders together to write a script again---yet another group
of Autobots has been buried in a volcano for 4 million years! They can
transform to dinosaurs-- no explanation is necessary. Out of all of the
planets in the infinite universe, their ship crashed on earth
because...well because the script says so. They were looking for the
cube, no-- the Harvester, no-- the space bridge, no wait...they were
looking for the ancestor of Michael Bay. If Bay is never born, these
movies would never exist and we can reboot. Evren Buyruk,USA
373 out of 663 people found the following review useful:
A Big Improvement from Revenge of the Fallen, 15 June 2011
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Author:
Grey Gardens from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
As a huge fan of the Transformers animated series, I like the first
Transformers film. The visuals were spectacular and so were the
fighting scenes When I saw Transformers 2, which is a HUGE mess of a
film, I was really angry. I vowed never to see a Transformers film ever
again. But when the trailer of Transformers 3 came out, I actually got
a little interested. I mean the special effects were pretty much great
as usual. But this time, it seemed they took off the annoying little
robots and that annoying mother and replaced them with good old
fashioned action.
When I went to an advanced screening yesterday, I still came in with
relatively low expectations. I have to say, that Transformers 3 is an
overall improvement from its predecessor, Transformers 2. The film was
pretty much at level with the first film, though. The action scenes
were highly extravagant and at times, pretty epic. The movie had a lot
less lame scenes, which is always a plus. The acting was okay. Megan
Fox's replacement, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was okay, but she's
certainly not a good actress, but a mediocre one, actually I liked her
more than Megan Fox. I liked how the movie used the Apollo landing as a
part of its story, like in Forrest Gump. However there were so many
characters that were extremely thinly written. John Turturro's
character was definitely not needed and some of the dialogue was
incoherent and very messy, at times. The movie is also way too long, at
157 minutes, wow. I thought the last scene with Megatron was completely
rushed and so was the ending. Although the last hour of the film is
pretty epic at times, so I was fulfilled with the visual effects.
Overall I rate Transformers 3, an 7/10. Don't go in expecting a Best
Picture winner/nominee. With the right amount of expectations, you will
probably be fulfilled. A definite improvement over Revenge of the
Fallen, which doesn't say much. But at the end, the great special
effects and extremely extravagant action scenes more than make up its
flaws. I'd recommend this film if you like the franchise.
251 out of 427 people found the following review useful:
Stunning Effects But the movie lacks Heart and Soul, 28 June 2011
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Author:
changmoh from Malaysia
It's 'Bayhem' time again - and this time around demolition king Michael
Bay presents his trademark 'Six-C's' in glorious 3D! In case you don't
know, the six 'Cs' are: chases, clashes, crashes, combustions, carnage
and cleavage. Spread over a bottom-numbing two-and-a-half hours,
"Transformers: Dark Of The Moon" can also induce mental and metal
fatigue, especially with the clanging robots smashing one another - and
the whole exercise making little sense.
Technologically, however, "Dark Of The Moon" is Bay's best work so far
- and action fans looking to be awed by scenes of massive mayhem and
destruction in 3D should be satisfied. Story-wise, this one is better
than "Revenge Of The Fallen", but not as fun and emotionally-connecting
as the first.
The film opens with a flashback to the Sixties Apollo landing mission
where history is rewritten (by Ehren Kruger) to incorporate the
cover-up of an alien spaceship crashing on the moon. That spaceship, of
course, is one of the remains of the epic battles between the Autobots
and the Decepticons, and its 'discovery' sparks off another war that
threatens to destroy planet Earth. Or at least the face of Chicago as
we know it.
On the human level, we find that Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) has traded
in his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) for a newer model (a Victoria
Secret one, to be exact) in the shape of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as
Carly). Sam is being offered a job by Bruce Brazos (John Malkovich) but
we soon learn that Carly's boss Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) may be up to no
good. Then, when the conflict between the Autobots and Decepticons hots
up, Captain Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Sergeant Epps (Tyrese Gibson) of
the elite Government squad NEST are summarily called into action.
We get lulled into believing that there may somehow be an intelligent
plot coming from the conspiracy of the NASA lunar-landing cover-up
which also involves the Russian space program and Chernobyl. These turn
out to be just an exercise in 'historical name-dropping' to spur our
interest before we get to the demolition derby created by the
Transformers. Indeed, some of the robots seem to emote better that the
live cast. Cybertron leader Sentinel Prime, for example, is even
designed to look like Leonard Nimoy (who provides its voice), complete
with stuff that looks like beard. Again, the problems of the previous
installments recur - like the confusion between the good and bad robots
in the clashes.
Unlike the first two movies, there are no more gags about the shock of
humans interacting with the mechanical 'bots. Bay, however, insists on
some comic sequences and he has hired Ken Jeong to do his in-your-face
shtick as Jerry Wang. John Turturro reprises his role as former FBI
agent Simmons but this time around, Turturro finds it fit to clown
around with his role. The most striking inclusion to the cast is Rosie
Huntington-Whiteley as Sam's love interest. However, with limited
acting talent, she provides only eye-candy and beside her, Megan Fox
would look like an Oscar-caliber actress.
Like the first "Transformers", this one is also a live-action cartoon
on a grand scale. Scenes of Chicago buildings being toppled and
destroyed can be as spectacular and brain-numbing as those of September
11; and the wing-suit flying sequences are breath-taking. Indeed, these
are what most of Michael Bay's fans pay for and they will not be
disappointed. The only problem for me is that Bay prolongs and repeats
the robotic clash sequences to the point of being self-indulgent.
Technically brilliant and visually arresting, "Dark Of The Moon" lacks
heart and soul. (limchangmoh.blogspot.com)
196 out of 320 people found the following review useful:
Where will the explosions stop?, 28 June 2011
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Author:
tbmforclasstsar from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Around a half hour into watching the third installment in the Michael
Bay driven Transformers franchise, a very serious thought entered my
head.
"What the f*** is this movie?"
I really am not sure where to begin when discussing such a chaotic mess
that seemed like a 6 hour movie stuffed into a two and a half hour
potato sack and beaten repeatedly with a pillow case filled with bars
of soap.
I guess we can start with the goals that seemed to be laid out in
making this third film.
First off, action and CGI were, without a doubt, the number one
priority in this film. This makes complete sense. The action and CGI is
really exciting to look at and a getaway for some viewers when they see
a film; robots transforming from cars, buildings collapsing from the
sky, soldiers flying into battle in wing suits, and what must have been
thousands of explosions all in 3D.
The next objective had to be comic relief. If you are a minor
character, you will say something funny. If you are a small
transforming robot, you will definitely say something funny. Don't
forget to make the jokes a little more vulgar than the first two films
and even a little cheesier. Cheese sells.
The last major objective had to be how much sex appeal can we put in
this movie. I suppose when you cast the likes of a Victoria Secret
model in her first role in a film (see my previous article about Ms.
Huntington-Whiteley from yesterday) and the hunky doctor from Grey's
Anatomy your film is set to draw boys and girls alike.
The film accomplishes all of these goals, but at what cost (now it's as
if I'm talking in an Optimus Prime voice). What about story? Coherence?
Character development? Audience to character relationship?
It seems like I am just beating a dead horse over and over again (or a
horse that surely does more coke than Tony Montana when directing his
films), but I am more and more offended each time I see a Michael Bay
film. Even more so, I am offended every time some moron in the theater
tonight started clapping when Bumble Bee had a stellar looking upper
cut kill or Rosie Huntington-Whiteley stood slow-mo with explosions
blasting all around her (not joking, they clapped).
Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a bumbling mess of fire and loud
noises and is just another film for Michael Bay to add to the
references on his resume for most ridiculous director of all time.
Even worse is the flow and logic of Dark of the Moon. I have seen
plenty of films to accept that not understanding what is going on
doesn't really matter, but it is different with a mainstream
blockbuster. When watching a David Lynch film, you can expect something
like this. When watching a film about transforming robots, coherence
should be somewhat standard.
For the first hour and a half of the film I had no idea what city the
film was in. I heard Sam (Shia LaBeouf) say "DC" early on, so I assumed
that was where we were. But then his girlfriend Carly (Huntington-
Whiteley) worked at the Milwaukee Art Museum (it took a while to
realize that the museum was now fictionally home to her boss) and a
fight takes place on a highway listing signs to "Aurora" and "Rt. 20"
(names that any Chicago kid would recognize). Hell, the headquarters of
NEST is clearly the downtown loop area.
So after a certain transformer leaves the NEST headquarters and is next
to the reflecting pool in DC moments later, I thought "either Bay has
decided his audience will have no idea what length of time passes from
cut to cut or Milwaukee and Chicago are now Washington DC." I think the
answer is the latter, but I am still not sure.
This is just one example of the incoherence that can be found in this
film (like how Bumble Bee saves Sam in the middle of the battle and
moments later is on his knees for execution by the hands of the
decepticons). It is bewildering how unorganized this film is.
Maybe the final goal of Michael Bay in this film was to bring back
memories of some of the most significant events in the United States
since the 1960s. The film includes the Apollo 11 story, a rocket ship
blowing up after take off that is extremely familiar to the Challenger
explosion in 1986, and, as if the event being referenced wasn't fresh
in many minds, sky scrapers tumbling to the ground and characters
falling out of windows to their death.
There seemed to be no goal to the film other than mind fluff;
expensive, loud, and annoyingly repetitive mind fluff. As a major
credit to the special effects and CGI team, the film's action is a
tremendous accomplishment. The problem is the success is contained in a
film that has absolutely no other redeeming qualities.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon is almost too bad to describe. I would
like to say it contains the worst story and flow in any movie I have
ever seen, but that would just seem overly dramatic.
I will say this, there were much better ways I could have spent my
$15.50 and two and a half hours of my life than seeing this film. There
have been enough films with explosions in the last five years to not
have one for another 50.
234 out of 406 people found the following review useful:
Transformers 3: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, 28 June 2011
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Author:
Tom Orrow from United Kingdom
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Man, so much stuff happens in this damn movie. One can only scratch the
surface of what the movie has to offer when reviewing it. The best I
can do is list the best and worst of it.
The Good
The best thing about these movies is how they look, how well the
transformers integrate into the real-life footage to make a compelling
action sequence. Here it's cranked to eleven, and the CG is very
impressive. On the larger shots, even tiny transformers far in the
background look convincing.
There a several action set pieces (specifically towards the end) which
are easily some of the best of the trilogy. The whole scene with the
collapsing building and the tracking shot of Optimus slicing and
smashing his way through a bunch of decepticons are colossal
showstoppers.
This is also one of the best 3D movies to date. One major critique of
3D is that 3D glasses make the film darker, but here they do a very
smart thing, the film itself is brighter than your average movie and
this problem evens itself out. Another thing that worried me before I
saw it is that if there was so much high-speed action maybe that and
the combination of 3D would give me motion sickness, end of the movie:
no problems.
The Bad
The villains suck. Megatron does absolutely nothing throughout the
whole film until right at the end, and even that was a let down.
Shockwave appears briefly at the start and vanishes for two hours, he
himself doesn't actually do much, it's all down to this big nameless
tentacle-clad decepticon he works with. Starscream does nothing, but
then he never did anything anyway. I'm not even going to mention
Patrick Dempsey. But the biggest let down is with the movies main
villain "Sentinel Prime". Basically he is Optimus' predecessor but he
changed sides to the decepticons and made a deal with Megatron to bring
life back to their home planet Cybertron. This is the driving element
of the movie, but there are many plot holes from this. Early in the
film Optimus basically says he wants to make Sentinel Prime leader of
the autobots again, and offers him the matrix (an item that brings dead
transformers back to life) but Sentinel Prime declines. Then he changes
sides. Why did he decline taking the matrix? it would in definitely be
a help in his ploy. Sentinel Prime gets numerous chances to kill
Optimus once and for all, but like all lousy villains he delays his
hand and Optimus lives.
The product-placement is out of control. I am not joking when I say
there is a scene where Shia LaBeouf stops the movie to recite a
Mercerdes Commercial
The annoying characters from the last movie are gone, save one. The
little autobot who humped Megan Fox's leg makes a return. Just be
thankful there's no Skids and Mudflap
The Down-Right Ugly
The acting here is a range from Tolerable to Impossibly-Bad. There are
actors here that have been in some high quality material that just
blatantly signed onto this because A) they wanted a paycheck B) they
have nothing else on their schedules I mean John Malkovich and Frances
McDormand are Oscar nominees who are so unbelievably bad in this movie
they make Shia Lebeouf look like Laurence Olivier and Rosie
Huntington-Whiteley is the stiffest most wooden actress i've seen in
ages. John Turturro is awkward but after three movies I don't care
anymore.
Stereotypes a-hoy, not as prominent as before but it's here. We have:
Tyrese Gibson and some other black guy fist-bump and ridicule one
another. We have LeBeouf call a Japanese man "Moto-Mushi-Ichi" and
decepticons with dreadlocks. Plus that gay guy from the hangover makes
an appearance as some loony scientist, but luckily Michael Bay had the
sense to drop him out of a window.
Some visceral "American" moments, like using the moon landing to spark
the movies plot. Also blowing up the statue of Lincoln to let Megatron
sit on the chair instead. Since i'm British I didn't care for these
scenes that are obviously meant to say to American audiences: "These
decepticons are blowing up America! Damn Them!"
In Conclusion, I may have some major complaints with this movie but it
is a ton of fun. The movie delivers on everything it promises and
everything you expect and not a single dull moment. If you loved the
first movie, and loved the second movie (god help you) I can guarantee
you will love this movie even more. I'd say the definitive summer film
this year has been made clear.
So.. Viewing Audience.. Roll Out...
159 out of 261 people found the following review useful:
terrible, stupid, ridiculous, 29 June 2011
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Author:
xaositect-93-977101 from Hungary
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
i checked IMDb today after i came home from the cinema, and saw that
the movie has almost 7 points... i just had to register to write this
review.
It was absolutely terrible. In advance, i'd like to apologize for using
the world "ridiculous" too many times, but that's the best one to
describe this masterpiece. of course one would expect that a story
about 30 m high robots is a little bit ridiculous, but it was really
over the top. After things started going, there wasn't a single minute
in the film where something utterly ridiculous did not happen. So many
examples... I'll list some of them and some of my problems
- the chick checks the 2 evil robots with the spyglass, sees that they
have an argument. later on, she decides to turn megatron against the
bearded guy (the super villain high tech robot megatron), and she
persuades him. yeah, that's right. that's some neat intrigue you might
expect from hose luis Fernando from a Brazilian soap opera, you get it
here with a super robot in a 100 million dollar budget film with Steven
Spielberg's name.
- they don't stop telling each other secrets of the government. no
question, no reason, it's needed because the story can't progress, so
why not tell something that's been a state secret for 30 years, or even
yell it in front of 30 people. every time this happens, you just ask
loudly in your chair: WHY THE HELL DID HE TELL THAT? but there's never
an answer
- no one thinks forward in the movie, not even the decepticons. the bug
just came off the main guy's wrist after the decepticons thought the
auto bots left.why the hell did it come off and just left the guy that
has been a major pain in the ass for the decepticons in the past
decade? why didn't it stay on him or kill him? humans don't kill each
other, even if it would be in their best interest. no, they let the
hostage live and tell secrets so he can escape and ruin their plans.
the robots somehow avoid killing humans until the last part of the
movie
- the movie has some weird comical parts, some of them childish, and
they don't kill any humans in the first half of the movie. but then
there is a gay joke and at the end the human killing strangely begins,
decepticons shoot people to ash and their skull rolls on the ground
after they evaporated. so please mr bay, decide if you want a movie for
the audience of spy kids,and don't show sexual/violent stuff, or make a
scifi for adults, and don't make it retarded.
- they replaced Megan fox with this blonde chick, a significant portion
of the movie was centered around her ass or boobs. this was actually a
semi-valid reason to look at this terrible piece of a movie, but is
this really justified in a sci-fi?. and btw she's 10 cm higher than the
protagonist and she can't act.
- they keep fighting with idiotic weapons, optimus even has a flame ax
or what the heck now. really. super high tech robots equipped with huge
ass cannons fight like tom cruise in the last samurai with close combat
weapons. optimus prime even had some kind of fight position at the
start of one fight, like a martial artist, which looked really stupid.
- they couldn't think of a decent new villain, so they just repeated
the one in the last episode. an ancient robot on top of a big building
doing some kind of intergalactic mambo jumbo for half an hour. pretty
lame, also what's up with robots having beard mustache hair out of
metal, it isn't bad ass it's idiotic
- starscream has the ability to shoot a missile that utterly destroys a
gigantic space ship full of auto bots. meanwhile throughout the movie
the high tech super intelligent robots keep fighting with knives and
swords. no comment
- the trend continues, new robots appear that resemble some ridiculous
characters. we have a fat robot now, old ones with beard and male
pattern baldness, troll doll robot, an eagle robot (that flies with
metallic wings, not engines), megatron gets a hood and looks like some
dark wanderer now, and my favorite, his lackey, the HUNCHBACK robot.
yeah, that's right. megatron has the robot version of the hunchback of
Notre dame. that sole character, that they attempted to take it
seriously made the whole thing retarded, even without the countless
other stupid characters and scenes of the movie that would only satisfy
a mentally handicapped teenager
- laws of physics work differently in the movie. collapsing
buildings/robots avoid humans, a metallic building structure hangs in
the air in a ridiculous position, the scientist robot sucks a whole
metal PLANET through a portal right next to earth and nothing happens
(and btw first the summoning is interrupted and there is a planet cut
in half near earth, with a plainly cut surface at the intersection, and
then the summoning is restored and it CONTINUES to come out of the
portal.). somebody before this planet-portal scene mentions that they
wanna make the humans slaves to rebuild the planet.later, robots are
slaying humans left and right, killing everyone. that's clever, killing
your slaves
- full of idiotic clichés like the grand American speech of the
commander to talk soldiers into impossible mission, "we only need one
shot", etc, really anyone finds these cheap and bad
- the protagonist's parents are so annoying, they make you wanna kill
the writer of the script slowly and painfully
-etc etc
could go on for about 3 pages... really, don't watch this movie if you
want yourself good. visuals make it a worthy 2/10
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