Bank Clerk: How can I help you, young man?
Stan Marsh: I got a hundred-dollar check from my grandma and my dad said I need to put it in the bank so it can grow over the years.
Bank Clerk: Well that's fantastic. A really smart decision, young man. We can put that check in a money market mutual fund, then we'll re-invest the earnings into foreign currency accounts with compounding interest aaaand it's gone.
[Blank stares and silence as it goes from the Bank Clerk, to Stan, to the Bank Clerk, to Stan]
Stan Marsh: Uh... what?
Bank Clerk: It's gone, it's all gone.
Stan Marsh: What's all gone?
Bank Clerk: The money in your account. It didn't do too well, it's gone.
Stan Marsh: What do you mean? I-I have a hundred dollars!
Bank Clerk: Not any more, you don't.
Bank Clerk: Poof!
Stan Marsh: Well what can I do to get back my...
Bank Clerk: [Interrupts] I'm sorry, sir, but this line is for bank members only.
Stan Marsh: I just opened an account!
Bank Clerk: Do you have any money invested with this bank?
Stan Marsh: No, you just lost it all!
Bank Clerk: Then please stand aside for people who actually have money with us. Next please!
Stan Marsh: [Getting pushed out of the way] Hey!
Bank Clerk: Hello Mrs. Farnickel. How are you, today? Making a deposit, are we? Greeeat. We can just put that into your retirement account and make it go to work for you aaaaand it's gone.
Mrs. Farnickel: Whaaat?
Bank Clerk: Sorry, yeah, it's gone. Please step aside for people who actually have money with the bank. Next please!
Stan Marsh: Dad!
Randy Marsh: Hey, I'm trying to teach my son the importance of savings. You already lost his money?
Bank Clerk: Oh, Mr. Marsh! D-d-don't worry. We can just transfer money from *your* account into a portfolio with your savings... AAAAAND IT'S GONE! This line's for people who have money with the bank, only, please step aside!
[Randy and Stan stare dumbfounded]
Newsreader: An economic crisis has hit South Park and the nation like never before. Another South Park bank has closed down, leaving thousands of people in debt.
Mr Garrison: It's just crazy, you know? Everyone's affected by it. It's like all the money just vanished.
Stephen Stotch: It's really terrifying. We-we've got no money to pay our mortgage now. We could very easily lose our house!
Butters: Hi grandma!
Redneck #1: First the money started going, and now everyone's getting laid off work! They took our jobs!
Redneck #2: They took our jobs!
Redneck #3: D' took'r jeeeeerbs!
Redneck #4: Took'r durbs!
Redneck #5: Took'r dur'b!
Newsreader: Just how far will the economy fail? We asked economic reporter, Dan Banks, for his assessment.
[Dan pulls out a gun and shoots himself, followed by a loud thump as he falls]
Newsreader: [pause] We'll have the rest of Dan's interview tonight at ten.
Sharon Marsh: All right, everyone, eat up.
Randy Marsh: Aw, Jesus Christ! Sliced hot dogs and tomato slices?
Sharon Marsh: You said we had to be careful with our money! I've got nothing for our food budget!
Stan Marsh: Mom, dad? How come there's suddenly no money?
Randy Marsh: I'll tell you what happened, son. See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had. They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. People with no money, who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying...
[Walks over to margarita machine and starts filling it with ice cubes]
Randy Marsh: ...and these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing 'cause they thought money was endless...
[Margarita machine muffles Randy's voice as he continues to talk]
Randy Marsh: [Pans back to a blank stare from Stan as the margarita machine continues to blend over Randy's voice, then back to Randy as he puts the machine on high]
Randy Marsh: ...even less money coming in. And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending, they were mocking the economy! And they made the economy very angry. We're all feeling the economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money. Do you understand, son?
Randy Marsh: Yeah, I think I get it.