- Rick Rhodes: You're late.
- Lily Rhodes: Sorry, I couldn't find any parking.
- Rick Rhodes: That's what the valet is for.
- Lily Rhodes: Yeah, but it also costs $2, and I just spent my last $11 on gas to fill up my car.
- Rick Rhodes: Here to hit your dad up for some cash?
- Lily Rhodes: What? No! So... Christmas was weird without you.
- Rick Rhodes: You know how important fourth quarter is of retail. Someone's got to keep Tower Records in business or it just might go under.
- Lily Rhodes: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I've had a really rough day. I got kicked out of school, my Dad doesn't want me to live with him. I can't stand my Mom. I spent my last nine dollars that I had on gas, and so now I'm broke *and* I'm homeless. And unless I can find my sister, whom I basically haven't talked to in, like, a year, I'm gonna have to become... a prostitute. And I don't even know how to be a prostitute. I mean, really, how much small talk is required? And... and where do you even go? And are BJs a must? Because if that's the case, I am *so* not doing that.
- Blair Waldorf: Serena's been in jail for over four hours. She's already served more time than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan combined!
- Chuck Bass: She's a socialite mistakenly accused of stealing a bracelet. I doubt they're working her over with the phone book.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I can't believe Blair won!
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, who even voted for her?
- Chuck Bass: Me. About 150 times. I wasn't putting the Nelly Yuki ballots in, I was taking them out.
- Gossip Girl: Who knew the mother Chucker could also play fairy-godmother? But if C just made B's dreams come true, why does it feel like our queen is standing with the wrong King?
- Blair Waldorf: [to Serena] Why are you still in jail?
- Serena van der Woodsen: It's by choice!
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, God! You're not going to come out of there with a mullet and a girlfriend, are you?
- Serena van der Woodsen: My mother didn't think that I was old enough to make my own decisions, so I decided to stay in jail and I'm not leaving until she decides to let me live my own life!
- Blair Waldorf: So it's a war of attrition!
- Serena van der Woodsen: So to speak.
- Blair Waldorf: Except she gets to wage the war from the comfort of her penthouse while you remain behind bars!
- Vanessa Abrams: So was Lily blown away?
- Dan Humphrey: No, not really.
- Jenny Humphrey: No, he never actually, uh...
- Dan Humphrey: Proposed. Minor detail in a proposal.
- Jenny Humphrey: Kinda the key ingredient to the recipe.
- Lily van der Woodsen: [Serena at police HQ] You forced me to do this. I just hope you learned your lesson.
- Serena van der Woodsen: That my Mom's crazier than I ever imagined?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Well, no crazier than you, my daughter, thinking that you could fix the situation yourself.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I *was* fixing this. But then you were too worried what people would think.
- Lily van der Woodsen: When you're a mother, you will understand that you have to make decisions that don't always win you points for popularity.
- Serena van der Woodsen: When I'm a mother, I will be nothing like you.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Yeah, you say that now, but just wait.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I would rather give my kids up for adoption than end up like you. Oh... wait. You did that.
- Lily van der Woodsen: I came down here... to drop the charges and put this behind us. Please, show a little respect, and I'll stick with my plan.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'll just stick to mine. If you didn't notice, you weren't my phone call.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Oh? So who was?
- Celia 'CeCe' Rhodes: [to Lily] She called me, darling. Ironic, isn't it? If only she knew.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, Grandma.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] For those who complain about the youth of today... if you think *we're* bad, you should've seen our parents.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [learned how he selflessly fixed Blair's prom in every way] Chuck, I can't believe I'm saying this... but that was really sweet.
- Chuck Bass: I just wanted her to have the perfect night.