Grown Ups (2010)
Gloria: I have a confession to make too. I'm really a man.
[Everyone - OH, Yeah, I told you, etc]
Gloria: Just kidding! I'm really hurt that so many of you believed this.
Becky Feder: [about the bug zapper] Daddy! Where is it taking them?
Marcus Higgins: ...Hell.
Lenny Feder: Higgins. Don't say that.
Marcus Higgins: Oh I'm sorry not Hell... Mexico.
Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great.
Bean Lamonsoff: Mommy, I want some milk.
Sally Lamonsoff: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
[starts breastfeeding Bean]
Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
Kurt McKenzie: [pause] That's 4.
Eric Lamonsoff: [pause] Yeah.
Water Park Stud: [in a high pitched voice] What's up ladies? I'm from Sascatchatoon! That's up in Canada, eh? You American ladies ever been up to Sascatchatoon? Yeah, you American ladies would enjoy being in Sascatchatoon.
[all the wives laugh at him]
Water Park Stud: Hoseteasers.
[walks off angry]
Deanne McKenzie: Everything was on steroids except for his voice.
Deanne McKenzie: Since when did you learn to speak Chinese?
Kurt McKenzie: Just a little something I picked up watching a Chinese cooking show.
Deanne McKenzie: That's great. Maybe you should focus a little less on the talking, and a little more of the cooking.
Mama Ronzoni: [laughs] You got told.
Kurt McKenzie: You got toe.
Lenny Feder: You see that? You just aim for a spot and shoot the ball there?
Eric Lamonsoff: It's true. Your dad has won over 50 games with that shot.
Greg Feder: Really? Because that shot doesn't work on the Wii.
Eric Lamonsoff: Well, you should Wii-turn that Wii and get yourself a Wii-fund. Tim Duncan has had over a hundred game winners with that shot.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: Excuse me, Princess Rita. Are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna help me?
Rita: No, Mr. Feder said that I must study for the big final.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: What final?
Rita: You tell me, he just keeps handing me books.
Mama Ronzoni: [farts] Curly. Shame on you. That crazy dog. Must have got into some of my leftover pasta fasul.
Deanne McKenzie: Yes, Mama, I'm sure that's exactly what happened.
Mama Ronzoni: It did. We should get a dog.
Deanne McKenzie: Heh. We need to get a water buffalo. Whoo!
Lenny Feder: Higgy!
Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny Feder: What does that mean?
Marcus Higgins: Um... you're fat.
Lenny Feder: No!
Roxanne Chase-Feder: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
Rob Hilliard: My wife.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: I'm sorry!
Rob Hilliard: I'm not.
[kisses his wife]
Marcus Higgins: [onlooking] Oh, grody.
Marcus Higgins: Hey Lenny, remember when we'd come here after we got wasted?
Donna Lamonsoff: [Hearing what Marcus just said] What's wasted?
Lenny Feder: Nice one, Higgins. Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.
[All the kids are talking about wanting to get wasted]
Donna Lamonsoff: I want to get wasted every day of my life.
Becky Feder: I want to get chocolate wasted.
Gloria: Life can be difficult sometimes, it gets bumpy. What with family and kids and things not going exactly like you planed. But that's what makes it interesting. In life the first act is always exciting. The second act... that is where the depth comes in.
Lenny Feder: [while watching Rob's daughter look at her car with his buddies] Shift, shift.
Marcus Higgins: Can you have sex with them when they're pregnant?
Lenny Feder: Well, McKenzie can because the baby thinks it's getting a Tootsie roll.
Eric Lamonsoff: I gotta make a sissy.
Kurt McKenzie: Come on, you made three already.
Rob Hilliard: It must be oozing out at this point.
Eric Lamonsoff: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
Kurt McKenzie: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
Lenny Feder: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Marcus Higgins: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.
Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk!
Eric Lamonsoff: No more mommy's milk.
Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk.
[a kid walks by with a milk carton, which Eric takes]
Milk Kid: Hey!
Eric Lamonsoff: Here's a dollar, get out of here. Now drink it.
Bean Lamonsoff: I don't know if mommy will like that.
Eric Lamonsoff: Just watch me drink it.
[Bean drinks the milk carton]
Bean Lamonsoff: I'm just like daddy.
Kurt McKenzie: Yay! More for us!
Mama Ronzoni: Deanne, you should have married that Italian guy like I told you.
Deanne McKenzie: Yeah and if I did, you'd be the one who's pregnant right now.
Mama Ronzoni: You're probably right. I'll butt out now.
Kurt McKenzie: [while seeing Rob talk to his daughter] How do you get that from that?
Eric Lamonsoff: 95% of that has to be from the mother, and I am lowballing.
Andre McKenzie: I wanna get wasted!
Charlotte McKenzie: I wanna get totally wasted!
Becky Feder: I wanna get chocolate wasted!
Bean Lamonsoff: [as milk is shooting out of Sally's breast] You're wasting it!
[Sally's breast milk gets all over Deanne's face]
Sally Lamonsoff: I'm sorry.
Deanne McKenzie: [while tasting the breast milk] Actually, it's not that bad.
Lenny Feder: Mama, I didn't know the Elephant Man lived in your shoe.
Kurt McKenzie: How in the world's anybody supposed to get some sleep knowing they're under the same roof as Toe-be Bryant over here?
Lenny Feder: Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 girls in this very spot and I want you to be number 26.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: As long as I am the last.
Lenny Feder: Lamonsoff, it's 5 in the morning. Can you kill the dog now?
Eric Lamonsoff: Thinking about it.
Lenny Feder: Higgins, what are you doing?
Marcus Higgins: I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: That was a man's ass?
Marcus Higgins: I just had the hottest dream about this blond girl...
[yellow dog walks out of closet behind him]
Marcus Higgins: At least I think it was a dream.
Kurt McKenzie: I see that ass is still growing. Got a little Kardashian in there.
Gloria: Like when Rob snapped at me the other day, that was scary. And you all thought I was so calm, but inside I was saying "Gloria Nunen, do not call him a bug-eyed sociopath with a little man complex. Do not say that his hair makes him look like a dirty q-tip. Or that he resembles an older, gay Jonas Brother. Or a midget, Filipino Fonzi.
Donna Lamonsoff: Dad, hurry up. I want to go on the other rides.
Eric Lamonsoff: Just a minute. Don't worry, we'll get to ride all of them.
Donna Lamonsoff: Are you making a sissy? You know they make a chemical that turns urine blue.
Eric Lamonsoff: No, that's just a myth.
Eric Lamonsoff: [as the urine is turning blue] Oh my gosh, you're embarrassing me!
Sally Lamonsoff: See that? Now he won't even drink from me.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: That's what men do. They take and take, and then give you up for some cow.
Sally Lamonsoff: Well now I don't know what I'm going to do with these.
Eric Lamonsoff: I do.
Wiley: Excuse me. It is okay if I feel your belly? I love babies. I love to feel them kick.
Deanne McKenzie: Sure, go ahead.
Deanne McKenzie: [Wiley leans down as far as possible and feels Deanne's breast] That's not my belly, that's my boob.
Wiley: I like to feel those too.
Lenny Feder: We needed to be here. Our kids were turning into snotty, spoiled, little. This is what we needed.
Rob Hilliard: Hey guys! Motion 78!
[the editing cuts back and forth from the play in the middle school game to the current game]
Marcus Higgins: Why didn't you tell us she gets us?
Rob Hilliard: That's what I've been trying to say all along.