Jon: [crying] My life is being portrayed on TV in an unflattering light.
Ross: It'd be a shame if my driver accidentally slipped out of my hands and hit you in the head.
Jon: Yeah, it'd be a shame if my driver... slipped out of my penis and hit you in the hands.
Mike: You really screwed up that insult.
Jon: Oh yeah, by all means, don't feel bad... calling me a dick in front of my son. Don't feel bad about that at all! You've obviously been given a very one-sided picture of me, and that's fine. But there are two sides to every story; on one side, you've got the jilted wife... who was scared and bailed out on her husband in his greatest time of need, and let strange men call her ex-husband a dick in front of her son! The other side of the story is that I'm an honorary black man who is way too proud and confident to worry about it.