Luke McDonald: [after scaring Jason] How's that lip?
Jason Stackhouse: It's ok. How's you lip?
Luke McDonald: Uh?
[is punched by Jason]
Jason Stackhouse: Vampires are not a joke! There's a war goin' on and you're either on the dark side or you're on the side of the light! And there ain't no in between!
Eric Northman: [moving up fast] Good evening, Lafayette.
Lafayette Reynolds: [turning and falling from the sofa] No! You can't come in my house unless I invite you in and I ain't no where near that crazy.
Eric Northman: You have to come out eventually. I have all the time in the world.
Lafayette Reynolds: You let me go!
Eric Northman: I gave you a very generous gift. The gift of not killing you.
Jason Stackhouse: Evil is makin' the pre-medicated choice to be a dick.
Sookie Stackhouse: You can't just sit around waiting for your perfect idea of a man to come along. Life is way too damn short.
Bill Compton: [to Hoyt] Are you gonna leave or am I gonna have to throw you out! Through a window that is closed!
Sookie Stackhouse: Bill, that is just rude!
Bill Compton: Sookie, I've got this.
Hoyt Fortenberry: I wasn't gonna do nothing.
Bill Compton: [about Jessica] It's not her I'm protectin', son.
Bill Compton: We established there was to be no hunting in this house.
Jessica Hamby: I know you feel like shit because you had to make me and you should feel like shit! But guess what? I'd never kissed a boy before that. Meetin' Hoyt is the only good thing that's happened to me since... my whole new life started. No, I'm not ready for any thing to happen to fast. I-I'd been happy just to go on kissin' him all night long... Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?
[realizes what that means and runs up stairs]
Sookie Stackhouse: I think I'm gonna like her.
Bill Compton: Sookie, do not make the mistake of thinkin' you two can be girlfriends. She is...
Sookie Stackhouse: Yeah, I get it. She's a vampire. Believe me, I learned my lesson about that.
Maryann Forrester: [to Tara] Go, flourish and don't ever say 'no' to yourself.
Tara Thornton: So, why'd ya all pick Dallas for your trip?
Sookie Stackhouse: Bill has some business there.
Tara Thornton: Oh, hell. Do those vampires wanna use your mind readin' again?
Sookie Stackhouse: I'll have Bill there to protect me.
Tara Thornton: Sook, why are you even with this guy if he makes you do these things? The sex can't be that good?
Sookie Stackhouse: Oh, it's pretty good and I love him.
Tara Thornton: What? Yeah...
Sookie Stackhouse: You can't just sit around, savin' your heart for some perfect idea of a man who is never gonna come along. Life is too damn short. Besides Bill's not 'making' me do anything... I agreed to this to save your fool cousin. Thank you very much.
Tara Thornton: Lafayette?
Sookie Stackhouse: He didn't tell you?
Tara Thornton: Tell me what? I didn't even know he was back. Is he okay?
Tara Thornton: [from outside, knocking on the door] I know you're in there, even if you won't pick up the phone!
Lafayette Reynolds: Damn, hooka. Shit!
[gets up and opens the door, letting her in]
Tara Thornton: [coming inside] How come I have to hear about you being back from Sookie?
Lafayette Reynolds: What else did she tell you?
Tara Thornton: That you got shot and fed on and chained up in some vampire dungeon!
Lafayette Reynolds: Sookie need to keep her mouth shut and so do you.
Tara Thornton: Have you been to the hospital?
Lafayette Reynolds: Whatchu think is gonna happen if I show up to the ER with a gun shot wound? I don't need the police up in my business.
Tara Thornton: You need to see a doctor.
Lafayette Reynolds: For what? So they can give me drugs I already got?
Terry Bellefleur: [as Sam comes thru the kitchen and into the freezer] I thought you were leaving.
Sam Merlotte: I haven't left yet.
Terry Bellefleur: Does that mean you're not leaving?
Sam Merlotte: Nope, it means I haven't left yet.
Terry Bellefleur: So you are leavin'?
Sam Merlotte: [walking out] Haven't left yet.
Terry Bellefleur: [under his breath] Dumbass.
Sookie Stackhouse: [chasing after Sam] I know it seems like I led you on, but cut me soem slack. My grandmother had just been murdered, Rene was after 'me', and I didn't think Bill was ever comin' back.
Sam Merlotte: [stopping] Christ, Sookie! I really don't have time for this.
Sookie Stackhouse: Well, if you care about our friendship I suggest you make time for it.
Sam Merlotte: Look, I got serious shit I'm dealin' with right now. Makin' you fell better is not high on my list.
Eggs: Hey, what were cryin' about?
Tara Thornton: [wiping tears away] I always cry on my birthday. It's always the worst day. No matter what I do, I end up cryin'. 'Cause my birthday always sucks.
Eggs: Well, this is the year that changes. I promise you that.
Maryann Forrester: [at Tara's party] Well, I have to say I'm impressed by your showing up.
Sam Merlotte: Okay, listen. Go ahead and turn me. Reveal what I am. But you will also reveal yourself in the process.
Maryann Forrester: [giddy] Reveal myself as what?
Sam Merlotte: As what ever the hell you are. A witch, a sorceress, a demon, I don't know what you are. I don't know what you're doing here, but these are people I care about. And I will not stand by if you try and hurt any of them.
Maryann Forrester: Even when they've dumped you or chosen a dead man over you? You're really not an alpha, are you?
Eric Northman: I admire you,, Bill, it takes a real vampire to admit he cannot protect his human.
Bill Compton: And it takes a true monster to not care about anyone or anything other than himself.
Eric Northman: I care about others.
Bill Compton: You care about Godric. You had no obligations to Dallas or Texas. This is personal for you, why?
Bill Compton: Why this allegiance to Godric?
Eric Northman: He is much beloved by his subjects.
Bill Compton: Only kings and queens have subjects Eric. Not Sheriffs.
Eric Northman: Godric could have been king of Texas had he wanted. He could have been king of any vampire territory anywhere. He is twice as old as I am and very powerful. There are none above him in the new world.
Bill Compton: Well if he's so powerful, how could they abduct him?
Eric Northman: Now that is what worries me. If one such as he can ben taken by humans, then none of us are safe.
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: [during the body examination] We are looking at a human animal collaboration.
Kenya: That doesn't make any sense.
Sheriff Bud Dearborne: I was making what people with actual senses of humor refer to as a joke.
Kenya: Oh I'm sorry. A black woman is butchered in the town where I live. I didn't realize that was funny.