Narrator: [after Chris tells Rochelle no about washing the dishes] Will I say what I said again? Will my mother kill me before I get a chance to say it? Are Drew and Tonya gonna sit there and just let this happen? Don't touch that dial.
Chris: Mom, I didn't eat all the dinner by myself. I shouldn't have to clean it all up by myself.
Rochelle: I don't wear all the clothes, but I wash them by myself. I don't sleep in all the beds in this house, but I make them up by myself. I don't pee in all of the toilets in this house by myself!
Chris: Mom, Drew and Tonya sitting right there doing nothing. Why can't they help?
Rochelle: Because I told you to do it. Now I don't want to hear no more back talk. Now clean this mess up.
Chris: No. I'm not gonna do it.
Rochelle: Lord, please help me before I knock this boy's neck off. Eight, nine, t... ten!
Narrator: I wouldn't see a woman that perplexed again until Palin found out her daughter was knocked up.
Rochelle: [to Julius] Well, while you were out taking your time sipping on coffee, uh, your son was here staging a coup!
Julius: A coup? What? Who, Drew?
Rochelle: Chris! I spent 20 hours of labor pushing out that big-eared boy and he turns around and does this to me?
Julius: Does what? What did he do? What did he do?
Rochelle: Oh, what? You're on his side now?
Julius: No, no, I'm just trying to find out what's going on.
Rochelle: Oh, what's going on, what's going on. Let me think about what's going on. Your son is trying to kill me. That's what's going on! I-I cook, I clean, I care for this family, and what do I get in return? Just a full-scale mutiny! Led by a child who I bore for a man who's supposed to love and honor and protect me! You know, I thought we were all in this together, but you know what? I'm finding out now that I'm just by myself!
Julius: Rochelle, what did he do?
Rochelle: I told Chris to wash the dishes and he told me, "No."
Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] So what happened?
Chris: I talked back to my mother, she's telling my father and I had to get out the house before he got home.
Greg Wuliger: What were you thinking?
Chris: She's always making me do work while Drew and Tonya sit around like it's a hotel. I mean, why do I have to be a maid? Do I look French? Do I have on a black skirt with a white apron?
Narrator: That's a whole other type of maid.
Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] You're a fool. Mothers do have limits. I mean, there's only so much they can take. You know, one day you just refuse to do the housework and then the next day you wake up, and there's some Italian lady naked in your kitchen at midnight eating all your spumoni ice cream, and your dad comes out and he's, like, "Hey, just, you know, go back to bed. Forget all about it, Greg."
Rochelle: Chris, clean up the table and do the dishes.
Narrator: Well, it's been nice knowing you, America. I had put my foot down, but unfortunately, it was into my own grave.
Rochelle: [to Julius about Chris] So I thought you talked to him?
Julius: I did and he's got a point.
Julius: Why should Drew and Tonya watch TV while Chris cleans up their mess?
Rochelle: I do not have to explain to him why I do the things that I do. If I want him to do something that I don't want the other kids to do, I probably have a good reason!
Julius: And do you have a good reason?
Rochelle: No, but that doesn't matter!
Mr. Omar: [to Julius] You're cheap! You're a bald-headed, penny-pinching skinflint.
Julius: Watch yourself, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: What's to watch? I'm dying.
Narrator: While my father was thinking about breaking a lamp over Mr. Omar's head, I was trying not to break down.
Chris: [about Rochelle] She's been mad at me before and she'll be mad at me again. What's she gonna do, not be my mother anymore?
Rochelle: [Scene cuts to Rochelle returning Chris to a department store] I'd like to return this child.
Rochelle: [to Chris] What you think you're doing?
Chris: I'm making breakfast.
Rochelle: With my eggs?
Narrator: No, I bought the eggs and I bought the bacon.
Rochelle: Oh, well, you ain't buy that skillet, you ain't buy that fire, you ain't buy that spatula, you ain't buy that plate.
Chris: Next time, I'll remember to buy a paper plate.
Rochelle: Ooh! Next time? Oh, next? "Oh, next time, I'll remember to buy a paper..." No, next time, you need to remember. This ain't your kitchen! This ain't your stove, this ain't your floor, those ain't your frozen gizzards, that ain't your...
Chris: You say none of this is mine, maybe I should find someplace else to be.
Rochelle: Uh-oh! Did y'all see that? I guess he jumping bad now. You bad! I guess you Shaft! You's a bad mother... shut your mouth! No. Since you're so independent, so liberated, maybe you need to go live in the Statue of Liberty.
Chris: Fine. I'm leaving.
Narrator: I stood my ground and now I was gonna be standing out on the street.
Tonya: [to Chris] Will you quit being stupid and go clean the kitchen like Mama told you?
Julius: [to Rochelle] You telling me you kicked our son out because he didn't do the dishes?
Narrator: Not exactly.
Rochelle: But it's the principle, Julius!
Julius: Do you know what the words "too far" mean?
Narrator: Actually, she didn't.
Tonya: Even though I hate Chris, I still wish he would come back home. I don't want him to get stabbed or shot or turned out or hooked on drugs.
Rochelle: Your brother is not gonna get hooked on drugs.
Drew: Actually, he probably will. Runaways tend to fall into dangerous situations pretty quickly and drugs and alcohol provide a sedative to the trauma and isolation.
Julius: I just need to understand why you would talk to your mother like that.
Chris: Dad, Drew and Tonya were sitting down, watching TV and I'm the only one Mom said to go clean up. It's just not fair. You raised me to stand up for myself, so why do I get in trouble when I do it at home?
Julius: Look, Chris, you might win the battle, but you're gonna lose the war. Sometimes it's not about just being right. Hey, look, you need to apologize to your mother.
Julius: Because she will make your life miserable. Do you know how many times I've been right and still had to apologize? 469,531 times!
Narrator: And counting!
Chris: How is that even possible?
Julius: Because she doesn't care!
Chris: It doesn't make any sense!
Julius: Exactly. Look, that's the number one rule of living with women: Nothing makes sense. When you learn this, then you'll finally understand what it is to be a man. Wrong or right, you still have to be sorry.