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"Castle" Always Buy Retail (TV Episode 2009) Poster

(TV Series)

(2009)

Quotes

Kate Beckett: You dragged me in here so that you could read from your own book?

Richard Castle: Hey, there's a lot of good stuff in here and some of it is factual.

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[They are talking about Castle's ex-wife, for whom his mother has nothing but scorn]

Richard Castle: Well, what do you want me to do, Mother? It's not like I could ban her from New York.

Martha Rogers: And this whole theater thing. It's ridiculous! You know, she hasn't landed a role in months. Uh-huh, that's right, I made a couple of calls. Why do you think she's moving back to New York? She can't get *arrested* in L.A.!

Richard Castle: I wonder if she could get arrested in New York. I know people now.

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Kate Beckett: If she's so bad, then why did you sleep with her this morning?

Richard Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.

Kate Beckett: How shallow are you?

Richard Castle: Very.

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Richard Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith. Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell. The hell of a deep-fried Twinkie.

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NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [Castle after mentioning having sex with his ex-wife and comparing her moving back to New York to] A deep-fried Twinkie?

Richard Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty. But the deep-fried Twinkie everyday is...

[Beckett stops him from continuing]

Kate Beckett: Castle!

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Kate Beckett: Castle!

Richard Castle: What?

Kate Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. Little respect here.

Richard Castle: I don't think he can hear me.

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Kate Beckett: Just show us the recordings from the past couple of days, okay?

Richard Castle: Blood sugar is low, she's a little cranky.

Kate Beckett: Zip it... kitten

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[the detectives and Castle are looking at a corpse whose body was evidently prepared according to some ritual]

Richard Castle: It's Vodou.

Javier Esposito: Vodou? What is that? Some kind of Star Trek thing?

[He grins mockingly]

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: No, dude, it's a religion. Practiced primarily in West Africa.

[When the others look at him]

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: What? I read, too!

Richard Castle: The, uh, blood on the bone? Most likely animal. Part of the ceremony. The pouch is an offering to the spirits; but I don't recognize this symbol.

Javier Esposito: If you did, you'd be a suspect. So how do you know about all this?

Richard Castle: Research for my sixth Derek Storm novel.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Unholy Storm.

Richard Castle: Yes. Thank you. And, uh, Vodou's not just limited to West Africa. It's also practiced by Haitian and Dominican communities right here in New York.

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[Kate and Castle are questioning a shop owner who has a large TV screen in his window and a videocam always running; it faces Oni's knock-off warehouse]

Oscar: What can I say? People like to see themselves on television. I mean, you would not believe the things people do in front of a camera.

Richard Castle: [maybe a little too fascinated] I'm listening.

Oscar: Like, this one chick? She's standing there, right in front of the store, and she starts to take off her, uh...

[he starts pulling his shirt up]

Kate Beckett: [bored with the interest in exhibitionism] Just show us the recordings from the past couple of days, okay?

Richard Castle: Her blood sugar gets low, she gets a little cranky.

Kate Beckett: Zip it, "kitten"!

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Richard Castle: Look, can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of capturing a very dangerous Nigerian drug lord. It's kind of a thing.

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[about Castle's first ex-wife]

Martha Rogers: Why did you marry her, anyway?

Richard Castle: [in mock wonder] I don't know, Mother. Maybe because she reminded me of you.

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Meredith: [after Castle and his ex-wife have sex] We have had fun, haven't we?

Richard Castle: Oh, yeah.

Meredith: Makes you wonder why we ever got divorced.

Richard Castle: I know, right? I mean, except for you having an affair with your director and moving to Malibu and serving me with divorce papers, I think we really had a chance.

Meredith: I'm moving back.

Richard Castle: [Castle drops the fun and looks stunned] Back to New York?

Meredith: [She's bouncing with happiness] I miss it. I miss it, I miss Alexis, I miss you.

Richard Castle: [Unsuccessfully trying to hide an unhappy expression] Um. What about your career?

Meredith: Oh, L.A.'s changed. The juicy roles just aren't there for an actress of my caliber. I need a change. Like Broadway, maybe. The legitimate stage!

Richard Castle: Yeah, well, oh-oh-oh, wow, time out, hey. Wait a minute. For what? Have you really thought this through?

Meredith: [Grinning lasciviously] What's to think about? You, me, Alexis, all living in the same city? It's gonna be just like old times.

[She moves in to kiss him and, over her shoulder, the camera captures his look of horror]

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Richard Castle: I had this dream once, only I was naked and far less embarrassed.

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Kate Beckett: This ritual: I assume that it was done for a specific purpose?

Javier Esposito: That's only if you're assuming that the guy doing this was rational.

Richard Castle: No, no. She's right. It might not make sense to you or me, but, uh, if you find out why he did this? We might find your killer.

[Esposito and Ryan look at each other, nodding and grinning about the new guy telling them their jobs]

Javier Esposito: Yes. Kinda how we do it.

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Richard Castle: This once, when Alexis was nine, Meredith dropped by to take her out to lunch.

Kate Beckett: So?

Richard Castle: In Paris.

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[repeated line - throughout many episodes]

Kate Beckett: I don't have time for this.

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Richard Castle: Michelle taught me everything I know about Vodou.

Michelle: Which, obviously, isn't much. That scene with the topless girl and the chicken blood? What was that?

[Kate looks away, trying not to laugh]

Richard Castle: I took a few liberties.

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Michelle: You know, from the design, I'd say this isn't Haitian, Jamaican or Dominican. This is hard-core Nigerian.

Kate Beckett: What about this charm?

Michelle: The charm's an offering to a Vodou saint, a loa. In this case, it's Ogun. He's usually called upon to help find something that's been lost.

Richard Castle: So our killer's looking for something.

Michelle: Something the victim once possessed.

Kate Beckett: Maybe that's why he was tortured.

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Richard Castle: [about his ex-wife] She's Auntie Mame on meth!

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Richard Castle: There's a lawyer joke there somewhere; I just can't think of it.

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Richard Castle: If you shoot me, do I not bleed?

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Martha Rodgers: And does she honestly think she's just gonna show up with a reel of what? According to Jim guest spots?

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NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Why would a guy mark his own stall with the death symbol?

Richard Castle: He wouldn't. This symbol was meant for him. Charles Oni's been marked for death.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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