Rock of Ages (2012)
Dennis Dupree: Shit! Our opener just dropped out.
Lonny: Concrete Balls?
Dennis Dupree: They're in rehab.
Lonny: Both of them?
Dennis Dupree: There's six of them!
Lonny: Jesus, that band's got a lot of balls!
Dennis Dupree: Betty Ford had a group rate.
Lonny: Do you think they do therapy individually, or in pairs?
Dennis Dupree: Knock it off!
Dennis Dupree: Paul! You're early!
Paul Gill: Actually, I told Stacee the gig was last night, so technically we're a day late... don't tell him.
Sherrie Christian: I'm a stripper at the Venus Club.
Drew Boley: I'm in a boy band.
Sherrie Christian: You win.
Dennis Dupree: I just threw up.
Dennis Dupree: In my pants... out of my ass.
Justice Charlier: Cognac, brandy.
Sherrie Christian: Oh no, I don't mix my drinks.
Justice Charlier: No...
[points at a barmaid]
Justice Charlier: ...this is Cognac. She's getting you a brandy.
Patricia Whitmore: This man spews out three things: sex... hateful music... and...
Patricia Whitmore: ... sex!
Sherrie Christian: He's better than Concrete Balls.
Lonny: That's a good point, Concrete Balls are very heavy.
Stacee Jaxx: I know me better than anyone... because I live in here... and nobody else can.
Lonny: [looking at Patricia Whitmore] Now look at him, married to a woman who looks like she's been hibernating in Margaret Thatcher's bumhole.
Lonny: Drew... what's the name of your band, mate?
Drew Boley: Wolfgang Von Colt.
Lonny: ...and you're sticking with that are you?
Drew Boley: Yeah...
Lonny: [to audience] Please welcome to the stage very poorly titled Wolfgang Van Colt!
Drew Boley: ...Von Colt.
Lonny: [to Drew] It's not an improvement.
Lonny: Wolfgang VON Colt!
Dennis Dupree: [after Dennis has accepted Drew's band as Arsenal's opening act] Okay. Call your band.
Drew Boley: [yells to Bourbon Room employees] Guys! We're opening up for Arsenal!
[Drew's band mates drop what they're doing inside the club, run on stage]
Dennis Dupree: Doesn't anyone just want to work in the bar industry anymore?
Drew Boley: Thank you! You won't regret this, we're gonna blow you away.
Dennis Dupree: Oh, you're gonna blow me all right. Okay, three songs, no covers. I need you guys to be amazing tonight, so start drinking...
Dennis Dupree: [looks at watch] NOW.
Dennis Dupree: This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke.
Stacee Jaxx: [after having sex with Constance Sack] That... that... can be on the record.
Paul Gill: Stacee! You need to go on stage, man!
Stacee Jaxx: ...I am on stage, Paul.
[Stacee falls over into pool]
Paul Gill: [sighs] Oh, shit.
Lonny: [playing "Donkey Kong" arcade game] No! Nobody puts Donkey in the corner!
Sherrie Christian: [trying to convince Dennis to use Drew's band as Arsenal's opening act] And he'll do it for free! Besides, nobody cares about the opening act anyway.
Sherrie Christian: [turns to Drew] No offense!
Stacee Jaxx: [Waves empty bottle to his pet baboon, "Hey Man"] Hey Man, Scotch me.
Lonny: [to audience] Performing on this stage later will be none other than Stacee Jaxx!
Lonny: ...but first! Making their debut on the Bourbon stage, the less important, but still somehow worthwhile...
[uncrumbles piece of paper and reads from]
Lonny: ... Z Guyeez... z?
Lonny: [shrugs] Eh, sure, give it a whirl I suppose.
Drew Boley: Paul, I am Wolfgang Von Colt. Not 'Joshy-Z', or the 'Z Guyz'.
Paul Gill: It's not the Z Guyz, it's 'Z-Guyeezz'.
Drew Boley: ...Z-Guyeezz?
Paul Gill: Double the E, double the Z, double the flava!
Drew Boley: [confused] What does the 'Z' even stand for?
Paul Gill: [thinks] Um... nothing! You're over-thinking it! Look, names that end in 'Z' are very popular among the 14-21 audience. We did a whole focus group on this. Numbers don't lie.