Rock of Ages (2012) Poster



Sherrie Christian: I'm a stripper at the Venus Club.

Drew Boley: I'm in a boy band.

[long pause]

Sherrie Christian: You win.

Dennis Dupree: Paul! You're early!

Paul Gill: Actually, I told Stacee the gig was last night, so technically we're a day late... don't tell him.

Dennis Dupree: Shit! Our opener just dropped out.

Lonny: Concrete Balls?

Dennis Dupree: They're in rehab.

Lonny: Both of them?

Dennis Dupree: There's six of them!

Lonny: Jesus, that band's got a lot of balls!

Dennis Dupree: Betty Ford had a group rate.

Lonny: Do you think they do therapy individually, or in pairs?

Dennis Dupree: Knock it off!

Stacee Jaxx: I know me better than anyone... because I live in here... and nobody else can.

Justice Charlier: Cognac, brandy.

Sherrie Christian: Oh no, I don't mix my drinks.

Justice Charlier: No...

[points at a barmaid]

Justice Charlier: ...this is Cognac. She's getting you a brandy.

Sherrie Christian: He's better than Concrete Balls.

Lonny: That's a good point, Concrete Balls are very heavy.

Dennis Dupree: I just threw up.

Lonny: Where?

Dennis Dupree: In my pants... out of my ass.

Patricia Whitmore: This man spews out three things: sex... hateful music... and...


Patricia Whitmore: ... sex!

Lonny: Drew... what's the name of your band, mate?

Drew Boley: Wolfgang Von Colt.

Lonny: ...and you're sticking with that are you?

Drew Boley: Yeah...

Lonny: [to audience] Please welcome to the stage very poorly titled Wolfgang Van Colt!

Drew Boley: ...Von Colt.

Lonny: [to Drew] It's not an improvement.

[to audience]

Lonny: Wolfgang VON Colt!

Dennis Dupree: [after Dennis has accepted Drew's band as Arsenal's opening act] Okay. Call your band.

Drew Boley: [yells to Bourbon Room employees] Guys! We're opening up for Arsenal!

[Drew's band mates drop what they're doing inside the club, run on stage]

Dennis Dupree: Doesn't anyone just want to work in the bar industry anymore?

Drew Boley: Thank you! You won't regret this, we're gonna blow you away.

Dennis Dupree: Oh, you're gonna blow me all right. Okay, three songs, no covers. I need you guys to be amazing tonight, so start drinking...

Dennis Dupree: [looks at watch] NOW.

Paul Gill: Stacee! You need to go on stage, man!

Stacee Jaxx: ...I am on stage, Paul.

[Stacee falls over into pool]

Paul Gill: [sighs] Oh, shit.

Paul Gill: [after Drew quits the boy band] Rock is dead!

Drew Boley: Rock is not dead!

[Hey Man punches Paul]

Drew Boley: Alright Hey Man!

Lonny: [looking at Patricia Whitmore] Now look at him, married to a woman who looks like she's been hibernating in Margaret Thatcher's bumhole.

Lonny: Why is everybody quitting today?

Lonny: [to Drew] You beautiful bastard.

Lonny: [playing "Donkey Kong" arcade game] No! Nobody puts Donkey in the corner!

Sherrie Christian: [trying to convince Dennis to use Drew's band as Arsenal's opening act] And he'll do it for free! Besides, nobody cares about the opening act anyway.

Sherrie Christian: [turns to Drew] No offense!

Sherrie ChristianDrew Boley: None taken!

Stacee Jaxx: [Waves empty bottle to his pet baboon, "Hey Man"] Hey Man, Scotch me.

Crowd: Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Lonny: Ladies and gentlemen are you ready to rock? Welcome to the famous Bourbon Room on the Sunset Strip... Stacee Jaxx and Arsenal!

Stacee Jaxx: Hey Los Angeles! This is a little song called "Paradise City"!

Dennis Dupree: Hey Stacee you made it!

Stacee Jaxx: Hey Man...

Dennis Dupree: Yeah, hey, man.

Stacee Jaxx: [Points to his pet baboon] No, this... is Hey Man.

Drew Boley: Paul, I am Wolfgang Von Colt. Not 'Joshy-Z', or the 'Z Guyz'.

Paul Gill: It's not the Z Guyz, it's 'Z-Guyeezz'.

Drew Boley: ...Z-Guyeezz?

Paul Gill: Double the E, double the Z, double the flava!

Drew Boley: [confused] What does the 'Z' even stand for?

Paul Gill: [thinks] Um... nothing! You're over-thinking it! Look, names that end in 'Z' are very popular among the 14-21 audience. We did a whole focus group on this. Numbers don't lie.

Dennis Dupree: This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke.

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Stacee Jaxx: [after having sex with Constance Sack] That... that... can be on the record.

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Lonny: [to audience] Performing on this stage later will be none other than Stacee Jaxx!

[crowd cheers]

Lonny: ...but first! Making their debut on the Bourbon stage, the less important, but still somehow worthwhile...

[uncrumbles piece of paper and reads from]

Lonny: ... Z Guyeez... z?

Lonny: [shrugs] Eh, sure, give it a whirl I suppose.

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