Arthur (I) (2011)
Arthur: We shouldn't get married... we have nothing in common. You love horses. I don't trust them. Their shoes are permanent. Who makes that kind of a commitment to a shoe?
Police Sergeant: You're drunk again Arthur
Arthur: No... I have remained drunk since our last encounter
Arthur: Tiffany, this is my nanny Hobson, my best friend in the whole world.
Tiffany: Your nanny?
Hobson: Hes merely shaped like an adult.
Hobson: My Name is Lillian and I am an alcoholic. I'm rich, I'm fabulously rich. I'm also generous and kind hearted. My father died when I was young and my mother was absent most of the time. Is this an excuse for making a mockery of my life? Oh it all looks very wild from the outside, I once went to bed with three European Princesses at the same time but A, I cant remember anything about it, and B, apparently I vomited over two of them before losing control of my bladder on the third, oh yes all such fun. Until the fog parts and suddenly there's a hole so big that all the vintage champagne and all the bat mobiles on the world can't fill it. Then I'm all alone on my magnetic bed, wondering what venereal disease I've just caught.
Arthur: Always the quiet ones.
Arthur: Why didn't you tell me before?
Hobson: I didn't want you to feel bad.
Arthur: Why are you telling me now?
Hobson: Because I want you to feel bad.
Hobson: [Holding up Tiffany's Bra] I wouldn't recommend letting him get used to your breasts dear, hes got an addictive personality. He was at mine till he was six.
Hobson: I had to dab tabasco on the nipples to see him off
Arthur: That lady has never once breastfed me
Hobson: Despite his best efforts.
Arthur: Could I stay for a minute, please?
Naomi Quinn: Why?
Arthur: Because it will reduce the proportion of my life that I spend feeling totally miserable.
Arthur: Grape shears, what an innovation! You can use them for my castration!
Arthur: Congratulations, you're winning the dead parent game. But it's not too late to run home and butcher my mother.
Arthur: Could you detach the half-naked business woman from under my bed?
Hobson: Evander, if he's not out of this ring in one minute I'll bite your other ear off.
Arthur: What was that?
Susan: A French kiss.
Arthur: Really? Because the French always surrender, that was decidedly German.
Arthur: Hello Hobson!
Hobson: Morning Arthur. And Friend.
Arthur: [Points at Tiffany] Tiffany.
Hobson: Ohhh, Points for knowing her name and saying it with confidence.
Arthur: I made a Mental association with my lamp.
Arthur: I'm talking about Tuscany! White truffle gelato! Have you ever tried white truffle gelato? It makes all other gelato taste like shit.
Arthur: First your father and then the horse - when will my testicles get some rest?