Edit
"Family Guy" Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (TV Episode 2009) Poster

Quotes

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [watches Slave-1 fly off] Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace.

Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, we should rescue him in three years.

5 of 5 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [before Han is lowered into the carbon-freezing pit] I love you.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Fuck off.

5 of 5 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: And who are you supposed to be?

Raggedy Andy: I'm Raggedy Andy.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: ...get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting.

4 of 4 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[from trailer]

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: We're gonna get pulverized out here!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. I think we'll be fine.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Title Crawl: It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden But you know this story. What you may not know is that 20th Century Fox had so little faith in the "Star Wars" franchise that George Lucas kept all the merchandising rights. Are you listening stockholders? How can you invest in a company that makes such short-sighted decisions? I mean, this the same company that canceled "Family Guy" twice. Who's running that joint? Monkeys? I mean, if they're gonna be foolish with their money, then I guess that means we can be foolish with their money, too. Like spending a bunch of it to animate a computer-generate cartoon elephant that has nothing to do with the rest of the episode.

[animated elephant walks across the screen]

Title Crawl: Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what waste. It wasn't even that funny. That's $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or... what does Michael J. Fox have? That. Alright, let's watch some goddamn cartoons.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me?

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Luke, I thought we talked about this. I changed my code name.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Oh, right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dack: Feeling okay, sir?

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Just like new. How about you, Dack?

Dack: I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Really? 'Cause that would be awesome. Hey, everyone, Dack says he's got this one.

Dack: You know it, bitches!

[Dack flies off into space to face a fleet of Star Destroyers]

Dack: Hey, Imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dack!

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: All right. Is this thing good to go?

Medical Droid: Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. Otherwise you might rip your dick off.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Meg Griffin as Giant Space Slug: How come I never have any lines in these things?

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Shut up, Meg.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Why you stuck up, halfwitted, scruffy looking, nerfherder

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [He punches her] You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: How you doing, kid? You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: May I have everyone's attention, please? We're evacuating into outer space, with literally infinite directions in which to flee. However, we have decided that our transports will travel directly toward the fleet of Star Destroyers. Any questions?

Rebel Pilot: Yeah, um, is there someone from the military we can talk to? A man, perhaps?

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin: Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one.

Chris Griffin: Actually, I think they did a pretty good job with that already, Dad.

Peter Griffin: Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central.

Chris Griffin: It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you know that.

Peter Griffin: I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while and I don't know that anyone else has.

Chris Griffin: Oh, I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them.

Peter Griffin: Oh yeah? All forty-two of them?

Chris Griffin: [sighs] I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. I'm not gonna let you get to me.

Peter Griffin: Well, maybe I got time for another story, then. It's called Without a Paddle.

Chris Griffin: Fuck you, Dad!

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. Join me, Luke.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I'll never join you!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: He told me you killed him!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: No, I... Hang on... Spoiler Alert... I am your father.

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Well, that's fine but I don't see how that affects anythin... WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: [to Lando] Why are you wearing Han's clothes?

[turns to the camera]

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[from trailer]

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: You're gonna attack them?

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [mocking voice] "You're gonna attack them?"

[normal voice]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: That's how you sound.

[mocking voice]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: "You're gonna attack them?"

[normal voice]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Imagine listening to that all day.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Han, we need you.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Oh, really? "We" or "I"?

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: What do you mean?

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss.

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Ugh! I'd rather kiss George Takei.

George Takei: Hello.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Thank God that hot chick is gone. Now I can let loose my Darth farts.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Never tell me the... Actually, that's not bad.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: What's all this slime on the floor?

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Yeah. It feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Cleveland Brown as R2-D2: I like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice. That's probably pretty safe, right?

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay?

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: You, too.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped?

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I killed it and ate it!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Han fires his blaster at a mynock. The ground shakes]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Wait a minute.

[Shoots the ground. It shakes again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Hang on a second.

[Shoots the ground again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: What's going on here?

[Shoots again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Something doesn't add up.

[Shoots again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Just a minute.

[Shoots again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Time out.

[Shoots again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: This ain't quite right.

[Shoots again]

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Oh, now I get it. We should go.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [Upon seeing Boba Fett for the first time] Ha, ha! The Giant Chicken's Boba Fett!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [to Leia] I'm going to kiss you so hard, the scene is going to change to something different.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Rebel Trooper #1: I think we're doomed.

Rebel Trooper #2: Nah, unless they got any big, giant robot camels I think we're ok.

[Rebel Trooper's #1 and #2 look into the distance to see ATATs coming from a distance]

Rebel Trooper #1: Ah, Jim

[Points to ATATs]

Rebel Trooper #1: Robot camels.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Come on Luke, join the Dark Side - it's really cool!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: [Hanging from the roof of the Wampa cave, Luke tries to reach his lightsaber] Damm these stubby arms!

[the lightsaber flies into his hand, the blade ignites, and Luke falls head first in the snow on the floor, with his feet still trapped in ice]

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Well this is no better!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: All right. Is this thing good to go?

Medical Droid: [censored version] Wow, you're a hard guy to get compliment from!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Captain Piett, you're in charge now. Don't fail me, Admiral Piett.

Admiral Piett: A promotion? Really? Can I get business cards that say "Admiral"?

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. I don't even have business cards. None of us do. Do you have business cards?

Stormtrooper: Yeah.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. There's like a million of you. What do need business cards for?

Stormtrooper: Well, they're for my cookie business.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: I don't want... Oh, my God. That chocolate cookie looks like the Death Star.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: [Leia runs up to Han while he's reading a book] Han! I think there's something...

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [Han puts his finger up to quiet Leia and finishes with his current paragraph. Once done he turns to her] Hrmm?

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: There's something out there!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Where?

Lois Griffin as Princess Leia: Out there in the cave!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Ha! Crazy women always hearing things.

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: There's something out there!

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Let's go check it out.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Ernie the Giant Chicken as Boba Fett: Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold.

Imperial Guard #3: Duh!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: May The Force be with you.

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: [Over the radio] There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin: Christina Ricci was tied up for some reason

Stewie Griffin: I'm already bored and confused!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too quickly.

Imperial Officer: I had that problem with a chick the other night!

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: Oh, gross!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: [On Lando] He's a black guy - in fact he's probably the only black guy in the galaxy.

Brian Griffin as Chewbacca: Let's hope, right!

Peter Griffin as Han SoloLois Griffin as Princess LeiaGlenn Quagmire as C-3PO: Whoa!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dennis Haysbert: Swamp crashes. They can land you knee-deep in trouble. But the "good-hands" people at Allstate will make sure you have a soft landing. Profession service. Non-threatening black spokesperson. That's Allstate's stand.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: I would give my right hand for this day to just end.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Carl as Yoda: Let's take a break - your back is getting all sweaty!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you're not a Jedi yet! You're getting there, you're getting there though!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

First Stormtrooper: Have we actually hit anybody with these guns?

Second Stormtrooper: I hit a bird once!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: I was trying to call Luke Adams - his name is right next to yours in my helmet!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker: Wait a minute - is this how it ends?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: If you won't talk, we have very effective means of torture.

Peter Griffin as Han Solo: Whoa! Well, I don't want to be tortured. All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base on Kashyyyk, and I'm the one who clogged the toilet on the sixteenth floor.

Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader: [grossed out] Oh, that was disgusting! You know, because of that I had to use the little pig people's bathroom.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page