Stewie Griffin: This was exhausting. This whole experience was absolutely exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all fucking die.
Patrick Stewart: I still have five prize tickets from the carnival.
Stewie Griffin: There was nothing for five tickets! We've been over this!
Patrick Stewart: Well, but LeVar and I were going to pool ours for the fuzzy troll pencil topper.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yeah? You gonna share that?
LeVar Burton: Yeah, we were gonna share it.
Stewie Griffin: Really? How's that going to work?
Patrick Stewart: Three days at my house, three days at LeVar's, and alternating Sundays.
Stewie Griffin: For a pencil topper?
Michael Dorn: I have to pee again.
Stewie Griffin: That's it. Good-bye.
[teleports them away]
Stewie Griffin: [Brent's drink doesn't teleport and stains the floor] Fuck!
Stewie Griffin: Now, Question #1: what's it like on the set?
Marina Sirtis: The show's been off the air for fifteen years.
Michael Dorn: Although I will say it was an awful lot of fun - you know, when Patrick wasn't hogging the limelight.
Patrick Stewart: Oh, fuck you, Michael! Fifteen years later, you've still got that attitude!
Wil Wheaton: [Still at the drive-thru] I want a hamburger, I want a cheeseburger, I want a hot dog-...
Patrick Stewart: [Patrick slams his head against the window] You'll get nothing and like it!
Patrick Stewart: [holding up two bowling balls] Look at me, I've got girl boobs!
Brian Griffin: [to Meg] If there was a God would He give you a smokin' hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter?
Stewie Griffin: Picard has it all over Kirk. He's poised and measured. And doesn't wear a cheap rug. Rather, he accepts even baldness with a quiet cool that says, "I am in command. You are safe with me. I will cradle you in my arms through any crisis in any galaxy."
Brian Griffin: Are you queer?
Stewie Griffin: Probably.
Brian Griffin: [after his car comes crashing through the window] I thought only he without sin could cast the first Prius.
Peter Griffin: Ha!
Brian Griffin: Ah, the Annual Quahog Science Fiction Festival. Where Science Fiction Fans take their mouths off the barrel of a loaded shotgun and spend the day adjusting their eyes to sunlight.
Stewie Griffin: Uh, hello?
Employee: Yes, welcome to McDonald's can I help you?
Stewie Griffin: Ah, hailing frequencies open huh? Ah, yeah we're gonna get uh two McChicken sandwiches and a Diet coke and... what do you want Michael?
Michael Dorn: A McDLT?
Stewie Griffin: No, I already told you they don't make those anymore.
Michael Dorn: You know, sometimes it's a regional thing. You could ask.
Stewie Griffin: No McDonald's anywhere makes a McDLT anymore.
Jonathan Frakes: I want a Shamrock Shake if they've got any of those.
Stewie Griffin: It's September Jonathan!
LeVar Burton: Stewie, can I take this fuckin' headband off?
Stewie Griffin: No, LeVar you're blind. That's the only way you can see!
Michael Dorn: I'm just saying they have *all* the ingredients for a McDL...
[someone honks their horn]
Stewie Griffin: Just hang on alright? There's a lot of us. There's a lot... It's a big order!
Patrick Stewart: What time do they stop serving breakfast?
Stewie Griffin: It's three o'clock!
Patrick Stewart: Some of them serve breakfast all day.
Stewie Griffin: None of them serve breakfast all day!
Marina Sirtis: Stewie, I'm not really much of a fast-food eater.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah? Can you read my mind? Can you tell what I'm thinking right now? I'm thinking shut up and get a salad!
Brent Spiner: I want some McNuggets!
Stewie Griffin: We'll get to you Brent.
Wil Wheaton: I want a hamburger. No, I want a cheeseburger, I want a hot dog, I want a milkshake!
Patrick Stewart: [backhands Wil Wheaton] You'll get nothing and like it!
Peter Griffin: Erm, in the episode where you drown your wife, why are you so fat?