The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
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10 out of 14 people found the following review useful:

An abortion ad which isn't sure which side to support.

1/10
Author: thepsychocritic from India
25 November 2011

The Twilight saga is not the smartest thing that has happened to the universe, but for a moment I am going to cast all my past disdain aside. I am willing to forget that it has repeatedly raped vampires. I am willing to forget that it has no logical consistency whatsoever and I am also perfectly willing to forget that my girlfriend dumped me for not being 'sparkly as Edward in the sunlight.' With Breaking Dawn, like the title suggests, it is a fresh start - a new dawn.

That's a lie. Obviously.

First scene - Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and his muscles (Photoshop) storm out of the house in a fit of rage. They barely walks two steps when they decide that they don't like their shirt very much and Jacob removes it to reveal his perfectly sculpted, Greek-God-like body. He does that in the zarking rain, by the way, just because that makes a whole lot of sense. The move achieves the desired result - drool, drool, drool. Jacob and his muscles have an understandable reason for their apoplexy. Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), who is their crush, and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), the glow-in-the-sun vampire, are finally getting wed. But our part-time werewolf isn't happy, no sir.

First thirty minutes and they are still getting wed in the most depressing public gathering I have seen. The camera meanders through Bella's face, to her feet, to the cape she's dragging behind her, to her face, to the back of her head, down her neck, down her back and back to her goddamn face again; all as she walks down the aisle with her father Charlie (Billy Burke). Everyone's happy, except Bella, who maintains a jizzed-in-my-pants expression on her face, and does pretty good job out of it. Jacob and his muscles make a "surprise" appearance to warn Bella against the dangers of vampire-intercourse and pregnancy, before Bella and Edward sneak off to Brazil to celebrate their honeymoon.

The honeymoon is the second most creepy thing that happens in the movie. Ensconced within a cozy hut, this is the place where Bella and Edward finally do it. The entire purpose of the series is accomplished here in one nasty night. That is why everyone was reading it, seeing it and going gaga about it. They wanted to know how the process of inter-specie human-vampire coitus feels. Why is it creepy? a) If you didn't read it correctly, I just said human-vampire coitus. Yes, a human having it with a vampire! Is that even legal? b) Bella is 18, Edward around a hundred. If you consider his other age, 17, he becomes a minor in half of the American states. c) They break the bed while doing it. What is he? A baby elephant?

And guess what happens then! Oh, you already know it! Bella gets pregnant! Surprise, surprise! How could Edward do this?! With his lifespan he still hasn't learnt the use of protection! What a dumbass! Jacob and his muscles warned her! What will happen now?! She will die! But, wait! Maybe she will shove a few contraceptives down her throat! Or maybe she'll abort the foetus! But she is Bella Swan, The Vanquisher of Death! She won't do any of those things! Because human-vampire intercourse often kills common sense!

The thing that single-handedly grabs the prize for being the most egregious thing about the film is the story. They made a hundred and seventeen minute-long movie on marriage, childbirth and the benefits of abortion. Are you kidding me?

The acting isn't world class, either. All the actors do is maintain one- pained, long-drawn expression on their faces - of anguish. The three lead characters, Lautner, Pattinson and their prized-trophy Stewart, still haven't learnt what it takes to become real actors. At this point, it isn't even funny; it's just pitiful.

The most creepy thing that happens in the movie is the child-birth process, and if creepy isn't bad enough, the movie also makes it disgusting. Bella's face contorts into hideous shapes, she screams like her head is on fire and there is even plenty of blood and biting. Sure, it might be realistic and all but that is not what the viewers paid for. They don't want to know how cross-breeds-between-vampires-and-humans are born. There was absolutely no reason to show it the way they did. Eating your popcorn and drinking coke during that scene is a very bad idea.

Jacob and his muscles are the only sane ones in this almighty mess, after all he seems to be the only one who knows that inter-specie sex is a bad idea indeed. With the exception of Jacob, his muscles and their sanity in this asylum, along with the decent soundtrack, the film is sickeningly obnoxious. What I really want to see after this is what happens after 50 years when they are sick and tired of each other and realize what incredible fools they were to take such drastic (REALLY DRASTIC) steps on mere infatuation. My guess is that they will blame it on the hormones. Everyone does.

Ah, another thing before I forget. The film scores some brownie points for asking some really thought provoking questions like Bella asking Edward "Are you a virgin?" or the even more amazing concerning her pregnancy "I know that it's impossible, but I think I am pregnant... Can this really happen?" Good questions, Mrs. Cullen.

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13 out of 20 people found the following review useful:

laughable

4/10
Author: induraluin339 from United States
20 November 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

i am a big fan of the books and have enjoyed the previous movies despite their faults. this movie missed the mark on all accounts. while it hit on all the major events of the books it ignored the character stories that made those moments important. the movie as a whole was one montage after another all laced with a horrid soundtrack with no sense of finesse. certain scenes were indeed laughable, the wolf submissive scene was pathetic. the only bright points of this movie were the actors themselves who have all found a smooth talent with these characters. in all if this had not been based on the books that i loved so much i would have walked out, something i have never even considered before.

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14 out of 22 people found the following review useful:

Didn't expect much, but didn't expect it to be this awful...

1/10
Author: melaniecarrier01 from Canada
24 November 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

-----Spoiler Alert-----

I've read the books, and watched all of the movies to date.

We all know by opening one of the books or going to the theatre for this franchise that you expect it will be mediocre, and by no means a prestigious award winner. You take it for what it is.

This movie is cheesy, awkward and trying too hard. It is by far the worst of the franchise, so far...

At the beginning, a shredded and shirtless Jacob is running in the rain after receiving the wedding invitation, which makes me hang my head in shame that I also find him appealing.

Moving on...

The over-hype of the honey moon love making scene... seriously, it was nothing. It was not tantalizing, I found it awkward. And on a side note, I give Pattinson and Stewart a year after the final movie, that relationship is dripping with a public relations agenda. It also makes me wish that Henry Cavill was cast as Edward, because he is delightful on all levels. They really tried to make Bella look like a vixen and I found it repulsive.

This movie spent way too much time overcompensating due to the build up of the physical between Edward and Bella.

The werewolves communicating while in being wolf form was so cheesy it was painful.

I will give props to how they made Bella look gaunt and zombie-esque while being pregnant. The birthing scene was gross considering the PG 13 rating it has. The sounds alone will make you cringe, in addition to Bella's back breaking.

I like Seth's character in the movie, and in print. His character is true to what he feels is right and has courage.

I did like the fight scene, and it was cool to see the wolves running through the forest and basically focuses on all of their senses while doing so.

This franchise has nothing on Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings. Mindless entertainment, mediocre acting, and an attractive cast (for the most part).

At the end of the day, it attracts such a diverse and wide audience that it doesn't matter if it's a master piece, it is already bringing in so much revenue.

I'm looking forward to the Hobbit :)

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28 out of 50 people found the following review useful:

Horrible, Complete waste of time & $$$$$

1/10
Author: manyneeds1 from United States
20 November 2011

This movie was awful. I have seen some bad movies in my time, but this one was just simply pointless and a complete waste. They wanted more $$$$ that is the only explanation and reason I can gather for even making a "2 part" finale!!!! The movie was drawn out, slow and I mean SLOW, and they just over dramatized every tiny pointless tidbit that they could to simply get 110 minutes worth of film for us to suffer through. I would venture to guess there is MAYBE 5 minutes of actual action in this film, 5 minutes. This movie should have concluded with the final chapter and the first part could of been summed up in 20 minutes and moved on to the final conclusion of what part 2 is suppose to bring us. For many movie goers and fans of Twilight I would assume this is a major disappointment and the fact that it comes on the heels of the conclusion to the series could be a potential disaster to the franchise as many fans may be tempted to give up on this now after this part 1 misery! I applaud the directors and producers and creators of this filth for single handedly destroying all promise and potential and excitement to Twilight series. Harry Potter final 2 part movie had a purpose and flare & substance and kept you on edge and intrigued. This first part left you angry and frustrated and annoyed and hopeless and with out a doubt wanting your $$$$$ returned to you!!

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Nothing so bad and still funny since Ed Wood

4/10
Author: spikemaze from Denmark
25 November 2012

Why did I even watch this movie? I read a mock cartoon about the Twilight saga on 9gag and this morning my newborn son was sleeping on me and I was really bored. Maybe it was the lack of sleep.

I don't know how to describe how horribly but funny this movie is. It's nothing like Ed Wood, but has the same way of enchanting the viewer by how terribly it is.

The movie starts out with the werewolf getting mad and Bella's dad worries because Bella Swan is getting married. And despite a lot of horrible nightmares about the wedding, she goes through with it. It's as if she takes every good advice from her father and friends and does the complete opposite.

Which of course tuns out badly for her. The movie is filled with stone-faced acting, overly dramatic music and voiced-over wolf talk. Even the makeup is bad. But the absolute worst is the simple and ridiculous story by Stephanie Meyer which proves that books can be a waste of paper.

So why watch this movie? Well, if you're bored and want a laugh about the stupidity of those people who like these films, I think this is the perfect movie for you. Just don't spend any money on it.

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Very, very, very boring (very)

3/10
Author: mallrat_1978 from United Kingdom
21 November 2012

Let me put it this way - I'm not gonna bother seeing part 2 - I'm not a huge fan of the Twilight films but my wife wanted to see this - I always judge how good a film is by how often I glance at the DVD player's timer throughout the movie, I can tell you this, it was more interesting than the film!

Usually you can't keep me away from a good vampire/ lycanthrope flick - This was more like a poorly written romcom (without the com).

OK, if you're into wolf boy taking his shirt off then you might get at least some pleasure from this film - It almost made me want to join a gym, almost.

There's very little action for a vampire / lycanthrope film and what action there is takes place at night and in really low light so you can't really see what's going on anyway.

Now, some might say that this is the big build up to the final film, but even so...geees!

I reckon they had enough story for about 2 hours but instead of making one OK final film they decided to water it down in a two parter to try and ring some more dollars out of the franchise.

Why aren't there real vampires in the world right now? They all killed themselves after watching Breaking Dawn Part 1

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Breaking Down

2/10
Author: cake-26 from United Kingdom
16 November 2012

When the midnight screening of the final movie hit my local theatre, I thought, Wow, I'd like to know what all the fuss is about and get to experience the phenomenon that is Twilight. Of course, before seeing the new movie, I have to watch the first 4 parts. I knew it was a chick's movie, but appreciating it as such, I actually enjoyed the first 3 parts. To hold my attention for 6 hours, the first 3 movies must've had something about them. I actually felt I was emotionally invested in the story and was looking forward to Breaking Dawn. So now I've spent a total of 8 hours of my life watching something i wouldn't normally have watched, just so I can go and see the new Twilight film. Do I still want to? After watching Breaking Dawn Pt 1, No. The characters, story and believability of the whole thing is just ruined. I really couldn't care less.

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

terrible writing

3/10
Author: Curtis-fleck from Canada
16 November 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Okay i admit I've seen all the instalments in the series. Its like harry potter i got to watch them all. Except harry potter was good. This movie just drug on and on with nothing happening until the last 20mins of the movie. Jacob's like i will kill you Edward if she dies...she dies! OK umm ya i cant kill you because i... blah blah blah.

omg were wolfs and we hate vampires were going to kill you!....no Wait were going to help you protect Bella. if Bella becomes a vampire we have no choice but to kill her!...no were not going to kill her now. this type of crap went on threw out the entire movie. there is no suspense because you know whats going to happen, its easily predictable.

I hope the second one isn't like this... well ya it probably will be. there s a reason why IMDb has such a low score on this film.

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

A Lot of Kissing Coming!

4/10
Author: http://jonnyfendi.blogspot.com from Indonesia
9 May 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a question. What made you get into the line to see thiz movie in the first place? Just to see good looking faces or you want to see Edward and Bella's hot honeymoon. If that is the case then you've got it all. Finally, the end of thiz saga will be completed in thiz last chapter where the chain of major events occurs such as the wedding, Bella's pregnancy and the last battle. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are still in the spotlight, carrying their iconic figures. They both seem to have fun with their roles, however, their acting skills have shown either no decline or an improvement. Get ready for some mellow madness, because the story will grow more intimate. If you are a true fan of thiz franchise, you will be one of them who cheers and screams throughout the movie. You will see the marriage, the honeymoon night and yeah, a lot of kissing coming! What if you are not one of them? O ow! We've got a little problem here. You've definitely got into the wrong theater. Your nightmare is about to begin. It's pretty awkward and monotone to see the couple always flirt and pamper each other. I appreciate the first "Twilight" (2008), there were some real romantic atmospheres there. But as time goes by, the chemistry between Edward and Bella looks even more and more overacting. Actually, it has already happened since "New Moon" (2009) and "Eclipse" (2010). It's Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black who gives a better performance. The other regular Cast members like Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed and Peter Facinelli made an exact impression of the previous movies. Three previous movies are directed by three different Directors and it happens in thiz sequel as well. Thiz time, the movie is directed by Bill Condon who is the man behind smash musical hit "Dreamgirls" in 2006. Cutting the last part into two movies was a terrible idea in the first place. Recently, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" (2010-2011) had done the same, dividing their final installment into two movies but in that case it looked like a reasonable idea, considering the basic materials are too thick and so much to tell. But for Twilight Saga, thiz is totally insane. They have one purpose and one purpose only, to show more kissing and cheesy scenes. One word, it's awkward!

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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

A whole lot of cheese and misery

2/10
Author: kathiwitt from Germany
22 April 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Thank goodness I watched it with my friends and a lovely bottle of wine. We laughed a lot, because the film is hilarious and doesn't make sense. Watching Bella or her dad makes me feel uncomfortable. They are so depressing that they just drag you down with them. Bella constantly looks at the ground or is totally scared especially before her wedding. And Edward, well he is such a wimp. At least I laughed a lot, the dialogs are silly, the make up and wigs ( especially Carlisle's hair) look stupid and don't get me started on the wolves. I really liked the first Twilight movie, but Breaking Dawn is apart from the lovely house at the beach really rubbish and nothing really happens. It's boring, Bella is annoying, but everybody seems to fall for little Miss Misery. 2 points for having a blast with my friends, I am glad I didn't watch the film at the cinema.

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